A Dustland Fairytale
by dvmcas1
Summary: Is love ever really enough? Random story about the twins and Naomi, basically...triangles are sharp
1. Chapter 1

**A Dustland Fairytale**

**Chapter 1: Kiss Me Now, Catch Your Death**

Naomi pushed her way through the crowd of people that were filling up the hallways of Roundview College. She wasn't careful, in fact she was all elbows and shoving, most of them were wankers anyways. Naomi saw Effy out of the corner of her eye, hanging around the loo, smoking a cigarette and looking completely blasé and unruffled by the hordes of people in the halls. Only she could get away with smoking right out in the bloody hallway. Naomi definitely wanted a cigarette, no…needed one. Today had been a horribly long day and she kind of wanted to march over to Effy and demand a fag, whether or not she'd get in trouble. However, Naomi passed on by with a little wave which Effy returned by tipping her head slightly to the left. That was pretty much a shout hello from Effy, who played it cool no matter what, spoke little, observed everyone, and knew fucking everything.

Naomi rounded the corner and just like magic, the bell rang. Almost as if choreographed all of the students in the hallways began ducking into classrooms. Naomi pressed on however, because this was her free hour. The hallways were basically empty before she reached the line of lockers that she was aiming for. Trust Emily to get a locker all the way on the other side of the bloody building from Naomi's.

Any resentment Naomi could have felt at having to walk that far faded quickly when she saw Emily in front of her locker, taking some books out. Emily's straight red hair and subtly revealing outfit drew Naomi's eyes like a beacon. Naomi stopped walking for just a second to enjoy the view as Emily stood on her tiptoes to reach the top shelf. Emily's skirt rode up just a bit and Naomi smirked at how great her legs looked, even better when they were wrapped around her back. Emily didn't notice Naomi but she appeared to be fine.

Last night the gang had all gone out to the club and against Naomi's warnings, Emily had gotten extremely fucked up. She'd taken a couple of whatever pills Effy had with her which who knows what the fuck they were. The girl was like a one person pharmacy. Then Emily had danced and drank with the rest of the gang until she'd been near passing out. Naomi hadn't thought to ask why she was getting so fucked up. She didn't think to wonder why Emily partied too hard and danced with so much abandon, like there was never going to be another night like this. Naomi had wanted to tell her to slow down; this wasn't the Emily she knew. One great thing that had come out of being with Emily was the stability. She always knew that Emily wanted and loved her, no questions. Emily would do anything for her and all she wanted back from Naomi was a little affection. Emily made Naomi feel safe and warm and in turn Naomi gave Emily her dream. When Emily hadn't been able to walk home, so Naomi and Katie had lugged her home and Emily threw up twice on the way there. Naomi had tried to text her this morning to see how the hangover was coming but Emily hadn't responded.

Emily's locker slamming shut brought Naomi back to the present. She watched as Emily bent down to collect her bag. As she straightened, wanting to surprise her girlfriend, Naomi rushed over and tapped her on the shoulder. As soon as Emily turned around Naomi leaned forward and kissed her soft lips. She felt Emily's surprise and at first she didn't react. Naomi pulled back just a bit to look in Emily's eyes; maybe she really was hung over. Emily always gave as good as she got, surprised or not.

What Naomi saw in Emily's eyes was definitely unexpected. Emily looked…well pissed off. Naomi searched her mind to think of what she might have done last night to make Emily mad but she came up blank. Just as Emily opened her mouth to say something, Naomi leaned back in for another kiss, she wanted to say sorry for whatever it was in the best way she knew how. This time she pushed Emily until her back hit the lockers. Naomi leaned into the kiss, trying to deepen it. Frustratingly enough, Emily still wasn't getting into it. Naomi nipped her bottom lip sharply and finally Emily opened her mouth. Without any further ado, Naomi slipped her tongue in Emily's mouth.

That's when Emily started kissing back. She made a soft groan deep in her throat and her arms went up and around Naomi's back, pulling her even closer. Naomi placed her hands on Emily's hips, jerking them together. Emily pressed into Naomi, fiercely, grabbing roughly with her hands, with passion. Emily's tongue danced with Naomi's and that's when Naomi realized. Something was different. Not bad different. Actually it was really good different. Emily usually made her feel warm, loved, needed…wanted. But this was different. Naomi felt a burning in her stomach starting to build. She could feel her pulse roaring in her ears as Emily's fingers moved up to twine in her hair. Naomi could feel every inch of her body that was pressed against Emily's.

Maybe it was the fact that Emily seemed to be mad at her…maybe that was adding passion to the kiss. Maybe it was because they were kissing in the hallway like they'd done the day before the Love Ball. Maybe it was because Naomi was finally starting to get comfortable being with a girl in public. It could've been any of those things but Naomi was having a hard time thinking. All she could think of was…_with my eyes closed I wouldn't even know this was Emily…it could be anybody…somebody…different._

The idea flowed over her like cold water and made her pull away from the kiss. She backed a bit away from Emily's heat because she knew she might just reach out for her again if she didn't. Emily looked at Naomi with those heated brown eyes that she liked so much but it was again…different. These eyes were boring into her, like they could see into her very soul. They were shocked but they also were looking at Naomi like they wanted her…and right this bloody instant. Naomi swallowed, trying to wet her throat that had suddenly gone dry. Her heart was pounding and she felt like she was trapped beneath those eyes.

Emily shook her head, breaking their gaze. Her breath was still coming out in shallow pants as she gasped out, "What…the…fuck…was that?"

Naomi bit her bottom lip, wondering what the hell was going on, "Uh…a kiss."

Emily's face contorted into one of disgust, "Great, Campbell…that's just great."

That's when Naomi knew and she wanted to slap herself for not realizing it sooner.

"Katie?"

"No shit Sherlock."

***A/N: Weird? Yes I know. Not very well written? Yes, I know that too, its extremely late and I'm tired lol. I'm hoping to expand on this, what do you all think?***


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: The Lies When You Smile**

Katie leaned back against the locker behind her. Her fingers were still tracing her lips and she was still wondering, _What…the…fuck…just happened?_ Her fingers turned from lightly tracing her lips and now she begun to wipe the skin there furiously. Katie rubbed until every trace of Naomi should've been gone but for some reason she still lingered.

Naomi stared at Katie as if seeing her for the first time and Katie moved her eyes from Naomi's face to a point on the floor. Naomi still extremely flustered managed to choke out, "But…but…I thought you were Emily and.."

Katie stood still for a minute, unable to find the normally harsh tone and angry words that she normally used on the blonde. Being mean to Naomi was normal…it was safe. This new thing, whatever it was, wasn't safe at all.

Katie mentally kicked herself in the head and decided to get the fuck on with it, push Naomi away and then take all the time she wanted to figure out what the fuck had just happened.

"Yeah, I know I look like Emily, that was the bloody point because she's home with a hangover. And it was all going fine and fucking dandy until you decided to snog your girlfriends sister," Katie pushed herself away from the locker and invaded Naomi's space, letting herself yell a bit.

As predicted, Naomi leaned away a little but then it seemed like she remembered that she was Naomi Campbell and she didn't take shit from anyone, much less Katie. She leaned back in, "Well like you said, you meant to look like Emily…how the fuck was I to know?"

Katie shook her head and let out a brief snort of laughter, "Umm…maybe because she's your _girlfriend_? And maybe also because I look ten times better than her anyways."

Naomi shook her head and smiled a bit because suddenly they were back in their old roles. Bitch and bitchier and that was fine…that was expected. Naomi rolled her eyes, "You only wish, Katiekins."

Katie leaned back against the locker and smiled a crooked smile, "I don't wish…I fucking know it. You have to admit at least I kiss better than Ems." As soon as it was out of her mouth, Katie knew it was the wrong thing to say because it didn't lighten the mood at all, in fact it brought the awkwardness back into the air as Naomi's cheeks turned a slight pink and she slid her eyes away from Katie's.

With a sigh Katie turned back round to finish getting the books from Emily's locker, hoping that this conversation was done with because things were getting a bit too weird.

She barely heard Naomi speak from the clanging she was making in the locker but Naomi's words did reach her ears, "What are we going to tell Emily?"

Katie spun around, "No…no we don't tell Emily anything. Why on earth would you want to?"

Naomi shrugged one slender shoulder, "Dunno…seems like the right thing to do."

Katie shook her head furiously, "Damnit, you don't know anything about Ems, do you?"

Naomi smirked, "I think I know quite a bit."

Katie saw the look in Naomi's eyes and smile and suddenly pictured Naomi and her sister involved in their lezzer activities and it made her cringe. Fucks sake that image was going to haunt her tonight.

Naomi was just about to say something else but Katie interrupted her, "We're not going to tell her anything. It would only hurt her feelings or whatever. Emily's a big baby when it comes to shit like this. It didn't mean anything. So just keep it under wraps, yeah? It was a misunderstanding. It didn't mean anything"

Naomi quirked an eyebrow at Katie and suddenly Katie feels like she's under a microscope and she feels like she's not in control anymore. Naomi's voice was soft as she asked the question, "It didn't?"

Katie swallowed a lump that had formed in her throat while she wasn't being careful. Naomi smiled at her a sad sort of smile and turned to walk away. Katie waited until Naomi was far enough away before she answered the question.

"Of course it did."

Katie stormed in her front door, slamming it behind her. She slowed her furious pace once she reached the stairs. Up in their room, Emily would be waiting. She'd ask how the deception went. Katie was afraid to tell her that it had in fact gone a little too well.

As Katie pushed open the door to their bedroom she was surprised to see Emily standing in front of the mirror, modeling a top and a short skirt. Emily turned to look at Katie and gave her a shy smile.

"Do you like them?" Katie nodded slowly. Emily didn't usually wear stuff like that but Katie had to admit they looked good on her. Emily's legs were shown off underneath the black tights and the top pushed up her tits so that it looked like she had a decent pair. Katie looked down at her own clothes, clothes that Emily had given her to wear today. With Emily smiling into the mirror and pushing her bangs aside and Katie standing there in a plaid skirt and shirt, it felt almost as if they'd switched places.

Katie sighed inwardly at the thought. First of all things were all awkward and fucked up with Naomi and now Emily was acting like a pod person…just fucking great. She walked over to her bed and tossed Emily's schoolbag over in the corner.

Emily turned around to look at her with her arms crossed, "So…how did today go? How'd you do on the French exam?"

Katie rolled her eyes. Sure, she was rubbish at maths, history, science…basically lots of stuff. But she was better than Emily at one thing and that was the language of love. "Don't worry, I aced that bloody exam."

Emily glanced off to the side like she didn't want to admit that Katie was in fact better than her at that subject. "Yeah…well, thanks then."

Katie gave a brief nod towards Emily's clothes, "What's that for then?"

Emily looked down at her clothes as if she'd forgotten she was wearing them but then her face brightened, "Oh, yeah. Effy texted me while you were at school. It seems like there's going to be a great band at the club tonight. I thought we could all go get fucked off our faces…it'll be fun."

Emily wanting to get fucked again? After she'd probably just recovered from her hangover? Katie bit her lip as she silently wondered what was wrong with her sister. Sure, Emily could party like the best of them but she usually kept her head on straight about it.

"So what's wrong then?" Katie tried to make her voice not sound judgmental but she failed a bit.

Emily shook her head, "Dunno what you mean?"

"Come on, Ems. Even I notice how much you've been drinking and into the drugs lately. Something is probably bothering you."

Katie saw Emily give way just a little bit as the tension around her shoulders eased. She saw doubt flicker in Emily's eyes and thought that maybe Emily was going to be honest with her and tell her the truth. Instead Emily shook her head quickly.

"Nothings wrong. Mum and Dad have come round, you're getting on better with Naomi, Naomi loves me…Everything is perfect."

Katie saw the lies that were hiding behind her smile and the doubt that shined in her voice. Something _was_ up and Emily wasn't that much of a "Katie" to know how to hide it yet. Katie sort of missed the days when nothing was a secret between them. She missed the days when Emily couldn't wait to blurt everything out to Katie as soon as it had happened.

Katie flopped down on her bed with her hand covering her eyes. Just when things were supposed to settle down, Emily's turning into her, Katie's turning into Emily (complete with Naomi snogging her and everything), and not only that…but something had happened during those quick kisses that made Katie's stomach feel a bit wobbly. Her hand wandered from her eyes and felt the spot that used to be covered in stitches. She could still feel a bit of raised line of skin where the cut had been. It was going to be there forever. No…things definitely weren't supposed to be this way.

Emily's voice pulled Katie from her thoughts, "Did you see Naomi today?"

Katie didn't look up at the question because then Emily might see the panicked look in her eyes, "Yeah…I did."

"Well…did she know straight away you weren't me?"

From the tone, Katie knew the question was important to Emily. She also knew that to be a good sister you sometimes had to tell lies.

"Yeah, of course. She knows you Emily. She knows I'm not you."

In her mind Katie added "_And I never will be"_

**A/N: Dunno…probably boring but some people said they wouldn't mind if I continued it so I will**. **As always reading and/or reviewing is appreciated***


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I changed it from past tense to present because really I'm just in the habit of writing present since Letters To Emily and I find myself slipping up and using present anyways sometimes without meaning to and I'm tired of fixing it***

**Chapter 3: Like Moths To Flame**

Katie sits on the edge of the bed, ready to go. Her hair is done, she has a killer skirt and top on, everything is set for a class night out but for some reason she doesn't want to go. She is tired of dressing up to look fit, standing alone on the edge of the dance floor while her sister goes totally mad. Katie is just getting tired of it all actually. It feels like she is playing at life. Unconsciously her hand drifts up to touch the scar on her head again. Her hand does that a lot lately, like she needs to remind herself that once, she'd almost lost it all. Like that should make her enjoy it more. But instead it makes her shudder at the thought that she isn't herself anymore…not really.

She sits there watching Emily sipping the bottle of vodka that they had in their room. She isn't just sipping actually, she's gulping. Huge swigs that make her face twist into a scowl, yet she keeps taking them.

"Emily…" Katie manages to get out but before she can finish telling her to slow down they both hear the doorbell ring.

Emily turns towards Katie, "That's probably Naomi…could you go get it? I'll be down in a second."

With a huff Katie pushes herself off the bed. The exasperation is just for show; oddly enough she's happy to go get the door. To get away from the Emily who is up in their room, drowning herself in vodka. As she walks down the stairs Katie shakes her head sharply, it's a sad day when she's actually eager to see Naomi Campbell. But maybe Naomi can like force Emily out of herself. Make her be Emily again.

With a deep breath, Katie jerks open the door, obviously startling Naomi because she kind of pulls back with an, "Oh."

Instead of inviting Naomi in Katie slouches against the doorframe, "You know it's me this time right? You're not going to like rape me or anything this time?"

Naomi laughs and tosses a bit of blonde hair out of her eyes before winking slowly, "Oh Katie…only in your dreams."

Katie rolls her eyes but can't keep the smile from her face because now they're back to normal and it feels like maybe things will be ok if Emily will just get her ass back in line.

As if her thoughts brought Emily back into the equation Katie hears her yell from upstairs, "Is that Naomi?"

Katie tosses a "yeah," over her shoulder and then hears Emily stumbling around upstairs to finish getting ready.

She moves away from the door so that Naomi can step inside. As Naomi brushes by her for some reason Katie has to grip her hands into fists to keep from reaching for her. Not necessarily to do anything but right now everything feels like its flipping around and Naomi feels like solid or something. Katie just wants to fucking _steady_ herself by reaching for Naomi's arms and pulling her close.

Katie forces her hands to be still and she stares at her feet until she hears Naomi talk, "Alright?"

Katie shrugs, thinking that Naomi's talking about Emily, "I don't know what's up with her. I tried to talk to her earlier about it but she just dodged me. Maybe you can get it out of her using your lezzer skills." Katie grins, without really smiling, after she talks.

Naomi shakes her head and glances up the stairs as if wondering about Emily herself but instead she says, "No, I mean…well I was just wondering how you were."

Katie feels the shocked look pull over her face before she can smooth it out. No one seems to worry about her anymore. Not that they don't care but she's Katie fucking Fitch so that explains it. She bounces back. She gets back into the thick of things and doesn't give a fuck what other people think. She's invincible. Only she's not really and trust Naomi Campbell to be the only one to notice.

Before she can think of a lie to tell or a fake smile to put on, Emily comes down the stairs, wobbling a bit because she's already on her way to being fucked up.

Naomi smiles up at her and holds out her hand, just waiting for Emily and just like that Katie feels invisible again and instead of saying hello to her sister she just follows them both out the front door into the night.

Naomi holds Emily's hand all the way to the club because she feels like if she let go, Emily would be gone and that would be the end of it. Emily stumbles along next to her, trying to keep up and Naomi can't help but sigh because it feels like it's always this way. They never can catch up with each other but they can never help but leave each other behind. Naomi can't help but look behind her because Katie has never walked so quietly or said so little and Naomi also can't help but notice that her hand keeps drifting up to touch the edge of her hairline.

Naomi grips Emily's hand tighter because she can't help but love her a little less because she's paying so little attention to Katie. And it's bloody obvious that Katie needs someone right now.

Emily speeds up her walk because they're nearing the club and Naomi notices that Effy is leaning against a wall, far away from all the other people who are waiting in line to get in. Effy is smoking a cigarette but her eyes already look dazed and just then Emily lets go of Naomi's hand so she can walk quicker over to Effy. Naomi stops at the sudden loss and watches as Emily accepts a pill from Effy who just hands it over with a smirk.

Katie walks up next to Naomi and she's standing so close that their arms are touching. Naomi actually feels her quiver even though it's just for a moment. She glances over at Katie and sees a _look_ on her face. Katie's face looks just devoid of any emotion and Naomi can see that her eyes are riveted on Effy.

Naomi feels confused because _surely_ things must be ok by now. It's been a whole summer since that whole business with the rock happened. Effy came back and Naomi assumed she'd apologized or something because Katie seemed to pretend the whole thing never happened and Ems had started hanging out with Effy when they all went out. But looking over at Katie, Naomi realizes that it's never been ok and she's just now catching on. Without thinking Naomi nudges Katie's shoulder with her own, watching as Katie moves with the push but doesn't take her eyes off Effy.

"Katie." Naomi whispers and it's like hearing her name brings Katie out of the trance and back to the real world. She slaps on a fake smile and turns towards Naomi.

Katie tries to keep the tremor out of her voice when she asks, "Yeah?"

Naomi raises an eyebrow at Katie, "Are you alright? I mean…after all this time?" Naomi sighs because apparently she can't even fucking form a single cohesive sentence that delicately asks, _does seeing Effy remind you of how she smashed your head in with a rock and left you lying in the woods bleeding?_

However, Katie seems to get Naomi's meaning. "I'm…fine, you know? Marvelous." But without realizing it Katie's hand drifts up once again to touch her scar and Naomi reaches up and grabs it before she can.

Naomi pulls Katie's hand down to her side because she can't stand to see the sad look Katie's face gets when she touches her scar, yet again. Katie looks startled but then blushes, perhaps because she got caught remembering that night or perhaps because somehow she's holding hands with Naomi Campbell.

Katie releases Naomi's hand like its scalding her because honestly it is. Not only that but Emily is now weaving through the crowd back over to them with Effy fucking Stonem in tow and Katie gets a headache just looking at her.

Emily trips a bit as she gets closer to them and Naomi steadies her with a hand. Emily just giggles and turns to Effy, "Fuck me, Ef, those pills are well strong aren't they?"

Effy shrugs a slender shoulder and turns to address Naomi, like Katie isn't even there, "This club is a bit shit. There are too many footie players in there tonight with their fucking posh girlfriends."

Maybe she didn't mean it as a jibe towards Katie because really _how long_ has it been since she dated that Danny bloke? But it feels that way anyway and Naomi feels her hackles begin to rise. Emily buts in and continues before she can say anything though, "Yeah, so Effy knows of this other club over near the park and so we're going to go there ok?"

Katie shivers because she can't stop looking over at Effy and looking over at Effy is making her remember how it felt to have her fingers wrapped around that slender throat. It's also making her remember that moment when she woke up in the woods and realized she could move. People were talking around her, moving for her, asking her what her name was, what's today's date, that sort of thing but she couldn't fucking do anything and she was cold. So cold.

Katie shakes her head and steps away from the group. It was definitely too soon to think that she could go out with Effy. True they'd been out together, sort of, but it was always in large groups and she could get away from her. Now Katie feels like she's being smothered.

She tries to make her voice not crack as she says, "No…I changed my mind. I'm going home." Katie turns to walk away, ignoring Emily calling after her. Katie really doesn't want them to see her start crying.

Naomi turns to Emily, "Aren't you going to go after her."

What really pisses Naomi the hell off is that Emily actually fucking _hesitates_. Like it was an option. Like she would just let her sister walk off into the night after she looked like she was going to break. Emily looks over at Effy who just shrugs a slender shoulder.

Emily looks back at Naomi, "She'll be ok. I don't even know why she's freaking out."

Naomi shakes her head at Emily, "I don't believe you. Well…fuck the both of you then. Sod of to whatever club you want to. I'm going home too."

Naomi turns and stalks off, waiting for Emily to chase after her but then she starts crying when she realizes that Emily isn't going to.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Just Let Me Burn**

"Katie! Wait! Just fucking…." Naomi breaks into a jog, wondering how the fuck someone as short as Katie is can walk that fast.

Katie speeds up when she hears Naomi's shoes slapping on the sidewalk behind her because how fucked up is it that now Naomi Campbell is chasing after her and Katie knows somewhere deep down in side that even though right now she might not want company –might want to cry alone—she fucking _needs_ it and it doesn't make sense that after all these years of hatred, Naomi would be the one that she _needs_.

Naomi grips Katie's arm hard—much harder than she meant to but she just wants Katie to _stop_—and jerks Katie around so quickly that they almost slam into each other. In fact, Naomi's arms have to slip around Katie's waist so that Katie won't fall. Oddly enough they choose to linger even after Katie has her balance and Naomi isn't even trying to think _why_ because she's too busy holding Katie upright—holding her steady—because at any moment this could break and Katie would be nothing but a shell.

Katie pulls away from Naomi's arms with a shudder that seems to wrack her entire body and it's not quite a sob but it's so fucking close that Naomi wants to reach out for her again--hold the pieces into a whole. Katie's hand reaches up and almost makes it to her scar but before it can, her fingers tremble. They're just hovering over the scar now really, not touching but trembling above it like they are touching anyways. It doesn't matter whether Katie touches it or not because she can still _feel_ it—can always feel it, can't remember when she hasn't.

"Katie…" Naomi starts to say but stops when Katie looks at her—so obviously gutted—with eyes tearing and her bottom lip trembling and its just so fucking vulnerable that Naomi can't even begin to finish what she was going to say—can't even remember it really.

Katie forces her hand down to her side and remembers how Effy had looked leaning against that building. Katie remembers how invisible she'd been to Effy and all she'd wanted to do was grip her shoulders and shake her—finally wiping that blasé fucking look off her face—and scream, "You did this to me!"

Because she did. Effy Stonem is the reason that Katie is now standing in the middle of the street, shaking and like wanting to reach out and grab Naomi so that she'll be fucking _steady_ for just a second. Effy is the reason that Katie seems to be a washed out version of herself and she doesn't know where everything went or when it slipped from her fingers but now its fucking _gone_ so it doesn't really matter—how or why—all that matters is that there's nothing left.

Without further warning or even a reason—except that she just hasn't let herself go there yet—Katie bursts into proper tears and its messy and ugly and she hates herself for doing it and showing this but Naomi's face just like opens and she says, "Oh Jesus, Katie…"

Before they know it they're hugging and it doesn't even matter who reached for who because now they're both gripping so fiercely and so strong and Katie's tears are wetting Naomi's floral shirt that's so fucking ugly that Katie thinks to herself that it kind of serves Naomi right—having it ruined—for wearing it in the first place.

Still gripping just as desperately and still crying a bit, Katie murmurs, "I'm cold. So cold." Naomi starts but then slowly and by degrees lets go of Katie, separating slowly as if they'd tear if they pulled apart to quickly. Without looking at Naomi again, Katie starts walking—arms wrapped around herself as if to replace Naomi—and she walks like that for a bit before turning and looking at Naomi with a bit of the old Katie back on her face when she says, "Well? Are you just going to like stand there and fucking gawp or are you coming?"

In Katie's bedroom, Naomi perches on the edge of Emily's bed because she still feels like that's where she belongs—on this side of the room where there are posters of bleach blonde women and sheets smelling of Emily. Katie just gathers some things from their wardrobe and walks back out the door, closing it firmly behind her and Naomi thinks that it sounds kind of like a goodbye or maybe just a dismissal so after a few minutes of pondering what to do she stands and walks to the bedroom door to leave it in her own way.

On the way out she smacks into Katie who just scowls at her and asks, "Fuck are you going?"

Naomi doesn't know how to answer—didn't even know it was a question until Katie asked it, all arched eyebrows and venom in her voice which suggests to Naomi that theres only one real answer.

"Nowhere I suppose."

Katie grunts and brushes by Naomi to get into the bedroom and all Naomi can do is follow in her wake. Naomi watches as Katie switches off the light and immediately curls up into a ball on her bed, stretching her extra large T-shirt out so that it fits over her knees and Naomi can't help but wonder how anyone can look that small. She pulls out one of Emily's T-shirts and exchanges it for the one she has on which has a wet shoulder. After a brief glance at Katie's bunched up back, Naomi slides down her skirt and slips into Emily's bed and it feels wrong—smelling Emily, almost like being wrapped in her arms—because really she's here for Katie right now.

Naomi's almost asleep when she hears Katie shivering and twitching about in her bed and she tells herself to stay put—it'll go away, whatever nightmare Katie is having. But after a few moments it's clear that it's not just _going away_ and its actually getting worse because now Katie is making little strangled sounds like she can't breathe.

Without even thinking Naomi is off Emily's bed and over to Katie's and she wonders what it says about her that the decision was made with such ease.

She rubs Katie's back a bit and then squeezes her shoulder. Katie flips around with violent speed and grips Naomi's wrist tightly. Naomi can barely see Katie in the moonlight but she can see Katie's eyes. They're so fucking angry and hurt and she's gripping Naomi's wrist tighter and tighter until Naomi lets out a strangled, "Katie…it's me," and Naomi wonders when that actually came to mean something. But it's not just to her because Katie's grip eases immediately.

Instead of asking for an explanation or an apology, Naomi just keeps her hand where it is even though she's aware that the red ring around her wrist is screaming to her that she should pull it back—pull back before she gets further entangled in this.

But she stays. Just stands there with a hand extended in the air and its not really a question but Katie answers it anyway when she says it—voice quivering again, "I'm just so cold…so fucking cold."

Without a word Naomi lifts the duvet and slides under and it's a single so it should be cramped but it's not because Naomi's arms are so tightly wound around Katie and Katie is so fucking _small_ that it's not much of a squeeze. It's a single but then again they feel like one person—wrapped in each other, neither completely whole—and it just feels necessary to fall asleep like this. Katie's head pressed into Naomi's shoulder and her nails digging into Naomi's hip because she's squeezing so tightly. It's not comfortable and it shouldn't be particularly loving or comforting like this but Katie can only think one thing—pressed against Naomi with those slender arms pulling her in just as much as she's pulling herself—and yeah, all she can think is,

_I'm finally warm_.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Halfway Home**

Katie wakes up pressed against Naomi's chest those long arms wrapped around her and even though her back is pressed into the wall and Naomi looks as if she might fall off the bed—it feels so natural, normal. Like during the night when they both weren't paying attention, their bodies just learned how to fit together, maybe it was because their minds finally stopped working so hard to keep them apart.

Katie's first thought is how Naomi looks like…soft or something while she's sleeping. That permanent frown and furrowed eyebrows are gone. It's like while Naomi is awake; she's fighting against the world—struggling to make sense of it, demanding it change, or at least wanting it to fit her rather than the other way round. Now with blonde hair falling over her left eye and her mouth slightly open it's like Naomi has learned to just _be_, like everything doesn't have to be so fucking hard and she doesn't have to make such a statement every time she steps outside her house.

It's this looking that gets Katie in trouble because at first it's just like _observing_, yeah…and then it turns into _noticing_. Like seeing for the first time that Naomi's hair has grown a bit over the summer and now that its longer it has a little bit of a wave to it or seeing that actually up close, Naomi's lips were rather full and pretty because Katie—not that she'd been looking _obviously_—had thought they were kind of thin stretched out into a frown or a sarcastic comment.—had wanted to tell Naomi to wear some fucking lip gloss or _something_. Up close though, they're…nice

So the observing turned to noticing which turned to remembering. _Arms shoving her against the locker, lips that looked harsh turning soft, fingers digging into her upper arm, the cold metal against her back, mouth open, surprised, teeth, lips, tongues…_

And just _fucking no_. So Katie does it. She shoves Naomi off of her and actually right off the fucking bed. Naomi lands on the floor with a thump and Katie hears a sharp gasp before a sputtering, "What…what the fuck?"

Then Naomi sits up enough so her head is visible over the edge of the bed and she's glaring at Katie and that's fine because now Katie isn't thinking about how _soft_ Naomi Campbell is—feels fucking retarded for thinking of it in the first place.

"What. The. Fuck?" Katie watches how Naomi's lips form the words, singly, sharply, like knives and Katie doesn't know how to tell Naomi, how to explain that sometimes—a lot lately—feelings are _too much_ and this, the way they snap at each other and tear each other down in competition is the only thing that feels normal anymore, so pushing Naomi off the bed, being cruel, that's all Katie can do because everything else hurts too much.

So she answers back with, "You had your fucking lezzer hands like all over me, like Jesus, keep it in your fucking pants. I mean, I didn't even ask you to like crawl into bed with me last night so I don't even know what the fuck you…"

Naomi cuts her off, "No, right, you didn't ask…and where has that gotten you?"

"What?"

Naomi stands up and crosses her arms over her chest, "Yeah, you didn't _ask_ me to stay with you last night but you fucking needed it, okay? Just say it, Katie."

"Say what?"

"You were in a rough place last night and I was here. Period. You want to thank me but instead it's easier to shit on me and make me mad because then you won't have to admit you actually fucking needed help for once. It's okay to be human, Katie. So just say it. But try to be a little less of a cunt about it this time."

Katie feels her lips form around another harsh reply, actually fucking _feels _the breath in her lungs that is prepared to expel it out. But instead it comes out in a sigh that sounds pathetic and sad. The words don't come out at all and someone actually _noticed_ that it was an act—that she was an act. Someone finally noticed that she dreams of Effy hovering over her with a bloody rock in her hand. She dreams that Effy pounds and pounds until Katie's vision is red and then Effy just gets off and stands off to the side. She dreams that everyone is there, Emily, Mum, Dad, James, Danny, Freddie…just everyone. They watch while Katie sputters blood out of her mouth and tries to reach for them but finds she can't move. So they watch her die with small, sad smiles on their faces but they seem more resigned than anything, like _oh well, she was the one we could stand to lose_.

"Try again, Katie." Naomi's voice is small and quiet and Katie wants to shrink under the covers and pretend she can cover it all up again—remembers how she used to spend hours with makeup trying to cover up the bruises, wondering how much concealer it would take to erase the whole fucking night.

One of Naomi's slender fingers pushes up on Katie's chin, forces her to look into blue green eyes and Naomi's soft again and that is just _too much_ right now.

So Katie says, "Thank you for helping. I…I need it." It comes out sounding like _I need you_ and it's the closest Katie's come to telling the truth in years.

--

They make tea, eat cornflakes, and watch Project Runway because of course Katie has the DVDs. And when Naomi says, "Now that's not bad," at the same time Katie says, "Fucking ugliest thing ever," it feels like in another lifetime they could've been friends.

--

Emily returns home three episodes later, looking like shit, and for some reason Katie scoots away from Naomi even though its not like they were even sitting like _close_ or anything but it just feels like the right thing to do.

Naomi puts aside her tea and unfolds herself from the couch. Emily looks shocked to see her there and Naomi just looks sad that Emily came in this late—late being like fucking noon the next day.

Katie says nothing. Naomi walks over to Emily and frames Emily's round face with her long fingers. Naomi leans in and kisses Emily's lips gently—so gently and lovingly, Katie thinks maybe a slap would've been easier for Ems to bear-- and quietly says, "I trust you," before she gives Katie a small smile and slips out the front door.

As Emily sinks down on the sofa next to her—all red eyes because she's about to cry—Katie feels the cushion beneath her dip with the extra weight and hears the whisper—

"I fucked Effy."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: She Can't Help Me Now**

Emily listens to how her heels click on the sidewalk and realizes what an empty sound it is. Emily remembers the days when she didn't wear short skirts, didn't wear heels actually. Thought they were a waste. Not only was she invisible but Katie would steal anything cute.

Thinking back as she stumbles over the curb, Emily remembers when she first fell. Naomi's hair had been a bit darker then, not the same peroxide blonde. Her lips had parted, to say something else devastatingly clever and Emily had leaned forward-- maybe to catch the words better but the way Naomi placed a hand on her upper arm, as if to catch her—Emily remembered thinking no one was this lovely, this perfect but Naomi's hand had been there to catch her and looking into those blue-green eyes, crinkled round the edges from smiling, Emily had fallen.

Emily knows where she's going. She's been heading there her entire life, walking these crooked streets, not always alone, but always lonely. The house looks the same as it did in middle school, the student elections, the love ball, the whole summer, spent inside those walls with the paint chips peeling a bit. Now as Emily looks up at them, she wonders if she was ever truly inside.

The doorbell makes a choked singing noise, discordant but somehow still beautiful, maybe because Emily can relate.

Gina opens the door with a smile that never seems to fade, "Emily love! How are you dear?"

Emily finds herself swept inside a tide of exclamations and smiling eyes. It's easy to be nice to Naomi's mum but not right now. Now she can't even look her in the eyes.

"Is Naomi home?"

"Of course, she's just upstairs." Naomi's mum gives Emily a gentle push towards the stairs, always silently encouraging but Emily wonders if Gina really knew why she was here…would she just shove Emily out of the door?

Music is blaring from Naomi's room. Emily understands this, its how it always is. Naomi doesn't like the silence, feels like people hide things in what they don't say—maybe feels like she hides things from herself with silence.

Emily doesn't bother knocking because they haven't been that way in months but when she opens the door she sees that Naomi is just lying on the bed, reading a book. Of course she didn't hear Emily push open the door and for a second Emily just watches her—still unable to believe she'd ever gotten someone that beautiful.

The song ends and so does the spell. Naomi looks up as if she can feel Emily's eyes on her, "Oi…how long have you been there?"

Emily takes a few steps into the room, kicking off the heels that had clicked hollowly all the way here, and slides onto the bed with Naomi. Unlike before, Naomi moves over a bit, making room for Emily and this one simple gesture is almost enough to bring tears to Emily's eyes because how long did she wish Naomi would do just that?

Emily looks up at the ceiling, white and she reaches her hand out, not quite touching Naomi but she could with the stretch of a finger, "Not long." What she really means is _forever_.

Naomi tosses her book on the floor and rolls over on her side to look at Emily, "You're sad." It's not a question and it doesn't demand an explanation. Sometimes, Emily wishes that Naomi would demand _something_.

Instead of saying that, Emily turns her head away from the ceiling so she can look at Naomi, "Yeah—I am, a bit."

"Ah." Still not asking why, Naomi reaches over and places her hand on Emily's stomach, fingers splayed out, thumb in her bellybutton and pinky between her breasts—near her heart.

Naomi doesn't do anything after that just keeps her hand still—feels the beat of Emily's heart beneath her finger. Emily feels tears well up in the back of her throat and coughs, trying to dislodge them before they can actually come out and still Naomi is just _looking_ and its almost loving the way she's just touching Emily without demanding but almost like the contact is all she needs.

Without warning—its always been this way—Emily rolls over, almost crushing Naomi beneath her—feels Naomi breath come out in a short _whoosh_ that Emily can feel blowing past her hair. Emily buries her face in Naomi's shoulder, in that little crook that separates neck from shoulder—gently kisses the soft skin there before sighing out, "It's not enough."

Naomi somewhere between being crushed and being kissed has brought her hands up and is gently stroking up and down Emily's back, unhurried strokes that reach from her shoulder blades all the way down to the end of her spine. In the back of her throat Naomi makes small noise that sounds like, "Mmm?"

Instead of answering, Emily buries her head further in Naomi's shoulder, knowing it might hurt by now because she's pressing so hard but Naomi doesn't stop her stroking. Her fingers are still moving lazily up and down Emily's back, not trapping her, not holding her close, but just _present_. Emily thinks about how everything leading up in her life had been _before_ she'd finally got Naomi. Now without thinking she's shifted everything to _afterward_, almost like it was over before it began.

And because Naomi's _there _now, where Emily always wanted her to be—that's what makes this so hard—Emily feels a tear slip down her cheek and watches as it slowly slides onto Naomi's bare skins. Naomi's hands stop their slow motions on her back and Emily hears Naomi make another small noise in the back of her throat, almost like a question that wants to come out but doesn't.

Naomi's chest rises as she takes a deep breath and Emily feels the swell beneath her own chest and the fact that right now they're this _connected_ makes Emily swallow another sob but a small broken noise escapes her throat somehow and with it, Naomi's hands tighten on her back.

"Emily, what's _wrong_?"

"It's never going to be enough." Emily hates how her voice breaks on _never_, splitting it into two different parts—like the word needs to be stretched out some more, covering the time its going to be killing her inside.

Naomi doesn't ask, _what do you mean?_ Doesn't respond with fire and venom like Emily might have expected. Instead she wraps her long arms completely around Emily's back and holds her tightly. Emily feels Naomi's face pressed against the top of her head—feels a kiss pressed there shortly after.

"Emily," Naomi's voice is rough too, "I need you to look at me."

Emily wants to say, _I can't_ but she rolls off Naomi, wraps her arms around her knees and holds herself tightly. When she finally meets Naomi's eyes, Naomi has sat up too and her eyes are just so _gutted_ that Emily has to look away again.

"I meant what I said," Naomi's voice is soft and she's playing with a thread that's coming off the duvet. She's pulling it, unraveling. "After the love ball. I meant that"

Emily looks down at her fingers—fingers that have touched Naomi, held her, been inside her, the ones that wrote on Naomi's pale skin traces of love. "I know you did. I did too."

Naomi shifts forward and almost reaches forward to touch Emily but then pulls back as an afterthought. "So maybe…" she sighs and clears her throat, like something's stuck, "Maybe it's not as easy as that. Maybe it's going to be harder but that doesn't mean never, Ems."

There's a hangnail on Emily's middle finger. She pulls it off with a short rip, watches a tiny slash of blood appear and wishes pain were really that quick. "I think that maybe we rushed into this…maybe…I pushed you into this, you know, this thing that you didn't really want in the first place."

Naomi leans back and when her hair sweeps over her eyes, she stares at Emily through strands of blonde, "That's not right to put this on me. I know what I want, for the first time in my bloody life. Maybe you're the one who doesn't know Emily, maybe you've never known."

Emily hates how she sounds like a child when she says, "That's not _fair." _Watches as Naomi shakes her head as if to say, _nothing ever is._ "You know I've loved you since middle school, since the first time I saw you."

Naomi snorts, "No, Emily. You didn't love _me_. You loved the idea of me. Haven't you figured that out yet? You try and put me in this little box, this perfect solution to your life. Oh if only I could get Naomi things would be better, things would make sense, I'd be my own person. But things didn't necessarily get better did they? I didn't solve everything. And now that you've got me, you've realized I'm not what you _want_. So here comes Effy, another lost soul. Someone else you _know_ needs someone. Someone else to fix. And she really is perfect for you isn't she, Ems?"

Naomi's voice has gone bitter and hard by the end and Emily realizes that this is every bit as _horrible_ as she thought it would be. "Don't make this about Effy or anyone else; this is about you and me."

"That would be so much easier, Ems, if you could look me in the fucking eyes and honestly tell me you haven't fucked her." With that Naomi does something that Emily's never seen her do—she like crumples into herself, face turning red, hands bawling up into fists, and tears start sliding down her cheeks.

Quietly Emily says, "I did. I'm sorry."

Naomi turns around quickly, "I'd like you to leave now, Emily."

Shaking, Emily reaches out a hand, wanting to touch Naomi's back but Naomi stiffens, "Don't you dare, Emily. Don't you dare touch me."

Emily scoots back to the edge of the bed and after a seconds hesitation she stands up, "I know you meant what you said after the love ball and I know it was true, Naomi. You love me. I think you need to ask yourself if you are _in_ love with me though. Am I really all you need to make yourself feel complete? If not then we could spend years trying to make this work, trying to make this sort of love feel like the real thing but I'm not going to do that. I won't."

Naomi releases a shudder and Emily watches her back quiver for a second. Then Naomi's voice, clogged with tears and barely a whisper says, "Just get out. Just leave me alone."

On her way out, Emily pauses at the door and whispers, "I really am sorry, Naomi. I never meant to hurt you."

After the door is shut and after Naomi hears the front door open and close, Naomi thinks to herself, _it all hurts just the same._

***A/N: I can't help but feel this is a bit crap and maybe it's because I actually love my Naomily so a break up was really hard to write. I'm actually just glad I got this chapter over with lol***


	7. Chapter 7

***A lot of the reaction I got from the last chapter was DEAR GOD NO! which made me laugh and ironically fueled me to write another chapter lol***

**Chapter 7: Day Late Friend**

_Of course_, Katie thinks as she nears the college. Of fucking course, because things are so awkwardly horrible and this is her life and all. She almost turns and walks the other way because she's not sure how to do this—be nice or whatever to, you know…_her_—but Katie figures that not saying anything or doing anything would make her a really big shit because after all, Naomi did try and be less of a cunt yesterday.

So with a sigh, Katie walks over to Naomi who is sitting on the steps—smoking of course. Naomi barely casts a look over at Katie as she sits down, just goes back to smoking her cigarette.

"Hullo," Katie says while picking some imaginary dirt off her skirt. She turns to the side and watches Naomi's profile as she stares off into the distance. Trying to get Naomi to like fucking say _something_, Katie says, "So Ems told me about…you know."

Naomi casts an extremely bitchy look over at Katie. "I'd rather not, Katie. Okay?"

Now Katie remembers why she and Naomi weren't playing nice all this time—Naomi's default setting is bitch, "Yeah, well look, its not like I knew before that or anything and plus if you think about it she fucked me over too. I mean Effy fucking Stonem? She hit me over the head with a rock and then my sister decides to fuck her? It's fucked up, you know?"

Naomi stubs her cigarette out on the steps next to her and looks over at Katie. Katie notices for the first time that her eyes are really red and Naomi looks really _tired_. She lets out a deep sigh, "Sorry, Katie. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night."

Katie has the urge to like reach over and give Naomi a hug or something which is just like _not in this lifetime_, but then again Naomi like _apologized_ and that's weird enough as it is so Katie offers her a tired smile in return.

Naomi casts a look at the rest of the school grounds and then turns back to Katie, "So, why are you here so early?"

Rubbing her eyes, because _fuck_ she did get up early, Katie says, "I really didn't feel like seeing Emily this morning because we had a bit of a row last night after she told me about…you know, fucking that slag, so I got up early and left before she could corner me and apologize."

Naomi rolls her eyes and reaches into the pack on her lap for another fag. She offers Katie one who shudders, "You know you should really quit. They're like bad for you."

Naomi slowly puts the cigarette between her lips, watching Katie the whole time which makes Katie roll her eyes and say, "Yeah well don't blame me when you're like fucking dying of lung cancer and whatever."

Naomi winks one red-rimmed eye at her and says with a smirk, "Aw, I didn't know you cared, Katiekins."

Katie snorts, "Yeah right." Naomi smiles at her with what looks something like affection and turns to the side as she blows smoke out of her nose.

"So why are you here this early," Katie asks, "Doing a sit-in for more student rights or something?"

"Hardly, I get a ride with Kieran in the morning and he has to be here early so---here I am."

"Why would a teacher give you a ride?"

Naomi looks at Katie as if she's grown two heads, "Um. Because he's dating my mum?"

"Oh," Katie says, "Isn't that awkward?"

Naomi laughs, "Yeah, considering he tried to snog me first."

Katie almost falls off the step in like shock or something, "What? Are you being serious?"

Naomi flicks the ash off her cigarette and her mouth tilts into a half-smile, "Would I lie to you, Katie?"

_Probably_, Katie thinks but she offers Naomi a smile and when the bell rings for school to start, they walk to class together—not because of well…anything but because they have the same class and its you know, _convenient_.

--

Emily tries to corner Katie at lunch, all injured eyes and like, "Katie…_please_," but Katie walks right on by her, sees Naomi sitting out on the quad by herself.

When she sits down next to Naomi, Katie says, "Still imitating a chimney, I see?"

Naomi laughs and holds up the cigarette, "Yeah well, this is my lunch so…"

Katie pulls out a brown paper bag from her purse, "What? You mean, you don't have real food?"

Naomi shakes her head and rubs her eye like there's something in it, "Don't think I could stomach food today, Kay."

Without a word, Katie breaks her sandwich in half and hands one part of it to Naomi who just gazes at her in something like wonder until Katie snaps, "You gotta eat like something, your body needs energy to drag your fat ass around."

For a second it's a toss up to see whether Naomi's going to take offence or laugh but in the end she offers Katie an easy smile and takes the sandwich she's offered.

Katie watches as Naomi stubs out her cigarette on the grass and takes a bite of the sandwich and for a second, watching Naomi chew Katie feels like she won something but she's not sure what.

--

Naomi sees Emily standing in the hallway, waiting for her outside of history class. She stops so short that Katie runs into the back of her and immediately gripes, "Fuck, Naomi, like stop in the middle of the hallway why don't you?"

Then Katie sees her sister lurking around the end of the hallway with puppy dog eyes, making her way towards them. She feels Naomi stiffen next to her and wants to reach for her hand, giving her strength like Naomi had given her when she first saw Effy. Emily walks towards them quickly, as if she doesn't want to give them time to escape and fuck, its like she won't stop until she guilts Katie into forgiving her and it sucks because Emily has never not known how to manipulate her like that.

"Hey," Emily says as she scuffs her shoe on the floor, looking pathetic and repentant at the same time. Naomi looks down at her like she's watching a ghost but manages to cross her arms and look pretty angry at the same time.

"Naomi can we like talk about things," asks Emily and Katie thinks _god give her like one fucking day to be pissed at you_.

Before Naomi can answer, Katie grips her arm, "No, Naomi's invited me round for tea so we actually have to get going."

Emily looks like she did when she was five and someone took her favourite toy and Katie smiles inwardly at the thought as she pulls Naomi away from Emily and towards the exit of the college.

Naomi drags her heels at first, "Katie…I didn't invite you for tea."

Katie digs her fingernails into Naomi's arm and forces her to keep going because now she's seen Effy come over to Emily and lay a hand on her arm, "Yeah but I think you need a break from Ems right now and so do I so we're going to like help each other out here."

--

Tea is a bit weird because they haven't quite worked out how to be friends yet and so they just sit there sipping from the tea, burning their mouths-- because it's quite not cooled yet--just so they won't have to talk.

Afterwards Katie just stands in Naomi's living room with her mouth wide open, "You mean, you don't have a telly? Like at all?"

Naomi shrugs, "I did but someone nicked it out of my room."

Katie slumps down on the couch, "So what do you do when you're bored?"

Naomi sits down next to her and they stare at the wall together—which is blank, almost taunting like _here is where a T.V is supposed to go_.

"I dunno," Naomi responds, "I don't typically get bored. I mean there's always coursework and books and you know, music…to listen to."

Katie rolls her eyes, "Yeah so basically you're always bored."

Naomi protests feebly before smiling with Katie and saying, "Yeah suppose so then."

So they put on some music and after commenting what shit taste in music Naomi has, Katie starts flipping through an old copy of _Harper's_ that she finds stuffed with some other magazines beneath the table. Naomi claims—with an extremely haughty tone, like she's above dressing nice—that she has "no idea how that got there."

Naomi watches Katie flipping through the magazine for a second, looking like she's lost—like she's never just _hung out_ with a friend before. Then with a sigh she pulls out an old notebook and starts writing. Katie shakes her head because whatever Naomi's writing, she's even doing that _intensely_ and she wants to tell her to just chill the fuck out but instead she sees a top that she could've easily designed in her sleep and it pisses her off enough to read the article about the "designer."

--

When Katie wakes up, its dark in the room, and there's a blanket spread out across her. It's not covering up her left leg because its kind of spread at an angle but its still the nicest thing that anyone's done for her since…well, _whenever_ so Katie gets up, finds Naomi in the kitchen eating cereal in the kitchen, reading a book and she mumbles, "thanks," gets a, "no problem," in return.

On her way home, Katie thinks that maybe Naomi isn't _that_ big of a cunt even if she's a little annoying and a bit stupid.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: A New Hope**

As soon as she shuts the door, Katie kicks off her heels, listening to them clatter onto the hardwood floor because fuck if that hike home didn't like kill her feet. She lifts one and rubs at the heel a bit and almost moans in the foyer because it feels _so good_. Probably her feet wouldn't hurt so much if she wore trainers because then five mile walks wouldn't be a bother but she's never been _that sort_ of girl because she actually has like legs and tits and they look nice so she's going to dress them up a bit…obviously.

"Katie, love is that you?" Katie drops her foot out of her hand and slowly sort of limps down the hallway.

Her mum looks up from her tea and the paper with a smile. And with glasses perched precariously on her nose—she doesn't wear them all the time, insists that she doesn't _really_ need them—Katie's mum asks, "Alright then?"

Katie shrugs and walks over to the refrigerator, searching for a drink and eventually settling on cranberry juice because it's either that or water, "Yeah, I'm fine."

There's a rustling of the paper behind her and her mum's voice barely disguises questioning when she says, "You didn't come home after school."

Taking a brief sip of the cranberry juice—with a grimace, wishing just once her mum would fuck up and get the cranberry juice _cocktail_ because its got sugar and stuff in it—Katie looks over at her mum who's now peering at her over the glasses and the paper, "I've sort of made a new friend at college and she invited me round hers for tea today. We hung out and time slipped away, sorry I didn't call."

Katie's mum doesn't even try to hide the smile, "See I told you this whole thing with that Stonem girl would blow over. I'm so glad that you're making _new_ friends. To be honest that whole group last term was a bit trashy."

So that she won't laugh Katie takes a huge gulp of her cranberry juice because if her mum only _knew_, she'd probably have a heart attack that another one of her daughters was hanging out with Naomi Campbell who at the Fitch household was held singly responsible for turning Emily gay…which in and of itself is just a laughable concept.

"Yeah, Mum, she's nice but she doesn't have many friends." It's not like it's not true is it? Naomi's always bloody alone, except for when she was with Emily and then she was just, you know, _with_ Emily.

Her mum nods and turns back to the paper, "Well, I'm very proud of you then for taking the time to get to know her. You always were a nice girl, Katie."

For some reason it feels more like a pat on the head than anything else but it's a familiar feeling that. Katie sets her glass in the sink and rinses it, like she's supposed to before walking upstairs with her mum calling after, "Dinner ready in an hour, love."

When Katie walks in the room, Emily looks up from her coursework with a frown plastered on her face. Katie just grimaces at her and turns to the closet, searching for some of her lay-about clothes.

"So are you just giving me the silent treatment?"

Emily's voice sounds so _hurt_ and _injured_ and it's just so fucking unfair because well…fucking the girl who smashed her head in with a rock pretty much trumps the silent treatment.

Katie snatches a large T-shirt from the second shelve and immediately strips off her top, sliding the T-shirt on in its place. She can feel Emily's eyes watching her and its so fucking annoying that she can't even be like alone in her own room because really it's _their_ room.

"So we can't even talk about this like adults? Real mature, Katie."

Unable to stand it, Katie whirls on Emily, "Me? Me being immature Ems? Fuck it! You're my sister and you fucked that slut well guess what? She almost fucking _killed_ me, Emily. I mean how many times did you do it before you thought, 'gee maybe I might want to stop because this is the fucking most vile thing I've ever done.'?"

Emily tosses her pen down onto her textbook and rubs the bridge of her nose with two fingers, "I only fucked her once," she says wearily, as if that were the point in the first place.

"Yeah…well," Katie says and sits down on her bed heavily, "Once, twice, doesn't really matter. Still wrong, Ems."

Emily sits up quickly, crossing her legs and placing her hands down on her knees like she's getting ready to like fucking meditate or something, "So when are you going to tell me why Effy really hit you with the rock?"

Katie almost falls off the bed, "I don't know what you're on about?"

"Oh yeah? Well once Effy and I were lying on her bed, just drunk and pilled up but not doing anything. I leaned up to look at the clock and when I looked over at Effy I saw that she had on a really pretty necklace and when I reached my hand out to touch it, to ask her where she got it, Effy flipped out. She jumped off the bed, grabbed at her throat, and covered her mouth with her other hand like she was covering up a scream. When I asked her about it she mumbled something about how she had been dozing and that she thought I was you for a second."

Katie feels her mouth go dry at the wave of guilt that washes over her before she tamps it down with _so fucking what? Choking, slapping…or rock? Which is fucking worse?_ But the truth is she hasn't told anyone because they should feel sorry for her…not Effy Fucking Stonem. And obviously for some unknown mysterious reason—which is exactly like Effy—she's not told anyone else about it.

Emily's got one eyebrow raised and somehow Katie feels like the one who offers _her_ an explanation which is just so fucking _unfair _

Katie tries to stare Emily down for a second but Emily just keeps looking and its like, oh yeah…she's not been _that_ Emily in months so Katie just flips over on her bed, grabs her Ipod off the dresser and mutters, "Whatever, Ems."

She puts the earbuds in, turns the music way up, and turns around so she doesn't have to look at Emily.

--

The next day, Katie stops to get coffee on her way to school because getting up _this_ early to avoid Emily is probably going to make her go crazy if she doesn't get some caffeine. The boy behind the counter is kind of cute but he looks a bit like Freddie so that's just…_fucking no_.

After ringing up the coffee, he asks, "Anything else?"

Katie is about to say _no_ when she realizes she not the only person who gets up early and keeping Naomi happy and/or caffeinated might be the key to them not clawing each others faces off because fuck if she's not a morning person and Naomi isn't either.

So she says, "Yeah, actually," wavers on a minute about what Naomi would like but she just orders her a plain coffee because she can just like fucking get over it if she doesn't like it.

--

Naomi's still sitting on those bloody steps, smoking a cigarette and looking bored and Katie thinks for a second if there was a person in their group that could compete with Effy on the _I don't give a piss about anything_ look, it would be Naomi but then Naomi sees Katie walking across the parking lot--struggling to hold the coffees with only like one fucking hand because she's got her bag and everything—and Naomi just smiles but its more of one of her retarded _smirks_ than a smile. But still, Katie thinks, _its something_. That is right before she trips on _a piece of gravel_ and almost falls on her ass and Naomi busts out laughing and after that Katie just thinks _cunt._

Naomi seems surprised by the coffee but she takes it from Katie's hand without questioning it. "Glad you got black," she says after blowing on it for a moment.

Katie takes a sip of her caramel macchiato—which of course has chocolate on top—and looks over at Naomi, "I didn't know if you'd want cream or whatever but I did bring some little sugar packets." She reaches in her bag, certain that they're in there _somewhere _but Naomi holds up a hand stopping her.

"No, I like black coffee."

Katie pulls a face but it shouldn't be a surprise really, "Ugh without like sugar or anything?"

Naomi shakes her, looks over at Katie and smirks again. "You've got some foam."

Katie rubs her hand quickly across her mouth, "Did I get it?"

Naomi reaches her arm out and wipes away a bit of foam that was lingering at the corner of Katie's lip. Naomi's eyes meet Katie's at the most awkward moment, just when her thumb is sort of grazing Katie's lip and there's a moment that's _almost_ there but not quite, as Naomi pulls back and wipes the foam on her skirt.

Katie looks back down at her macchiato, tells herself not to do anything retarded like fucking _blush_ because why the fuck would she, and vows that next time she'll get it without foam.

--

After school Naomi kind of hovers around while Katie is packing her things up—with barely there patience because she's like tapping a toe on the ground but she's still waiting.

Katie stands up only to find that Naomi looks like she doesn't know exactly why she waited and to be honest, neither does Katie but they fall into step as they walk down the hallway.

Katie clears her throat, unsure how to really _be _friends with someone like Naomi. "I'm going shopping later."

Naomi makes a non-committal grunt and doesn't look over, "Do you really need anymore clothes?"

Katie rolls her eyes, "Well some people don't like looking as if they just dug their clothes out of a rubbish bin of a ninety year old blind woman."

Naomi stops and looks down at her floral shirt which doesn't match like _at all_ with her plaid skirt, "What's wrong with this?"

"Yeah…its flowers and then plaid."

Naomi just looks at her with the most confused look in the world on her face and Katie can't help but sigh and say, "You're so fucking hopeless."

When they reach the college doors, Katie turns to walk towards town but Naomi just sort of hovers in the doorway, "See you, then," she calls out after Katie.

Katie stops and turns around, "You mean you're not coming shopping?"

Naomi flicks a long piece of hair out of her eyes and looks confused again, "You didn't invite me."

Sighing because like how fucking idiotic, Katie says, "What are you a fucking vampire?"

"Well you just kinda told me about it, you didn't say you wanted me to come."

In a loud and overly dramatic voice Katie says, "Naomi Campbell would you do me the honor of accompanying me on a shopping trip this fine afternoon?"

"You're such a bitch," Naomi says but she can't hide the smile that creeps onto her face and it only gets wider when she sees an answering smile echo on Katie's face.

***A/N: I realize this is going fairly slow but I think that's the only way to actually write this storyline and have it feel a bit realistic***


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Development still going a bit slow but I promise to pick it up in the next few chapters. Also, I made a trailer for this story which you can find on youtube if you search "A Dustland Fairytale dvmcas1"**

**Chapter 9: You Can Breathe**

Katie doesn't think about how this "Cold War"—as she calls it--has affected the rest of their little ragtag group until later. Much later. Like not until two weeks later when Cook approaches her and Naomi during lunch as they're out on the green.

She's gotten used to just packing a sandwich for Naomi as well as one for herself because she's not one of those girls that just _doesn't_ eat. But for reason, Naomi never thinks to bring herself food, like she just doesn't take care of herself so Katie sighs in the morning, grumbles about how fucked up it is, but ends up making Naomi a sandwich with turkey but without mayonnaise—with mustard though fuck knows why because its disgusting, maybe Naomi just likes everything to be a bit sour. The sandwiches and the coffee and the waiting for each other and the sometimes texts that Naomi manages to send --only after Katie protests, "You never fucking answer my texts" and Naomi grumbles about how technology will be the end of them all--they've all become expected, known. Because for some reason-- despite all odds because Naomi is an up-herself cunt most of the time—they've become friends or if not _friends_—because thinking of Naomi like that sort of does Katie's head in—at least not horrible enemies anymore..

So they're sitting on the green, Naomi for once doesn't have a fucking fag in her hand and its sort of nice the way she's stopped smoking around Katie so much. Katie remarked on it last week like, "Fuck you're gallant for trying to save my lungs," but Naomi had just waved her hand in an offside manor and said, "Yeah, well, you're bitching gets extremely annoying."

Cook walks up, more like ambles with his hands in his fucking pockets, still looking like he rules the entire world—or at least shagged it hard and fast in a closet somewhere. He squats down next to them and rubs his hands together like their scheming or something and then reaches out to take Naomi's sandwich but Katie slaps his hand away because fuck if she made it, its for Naomi and not fucking Cook.

"What'd you want," she asks.

He grins at her, does her a quick once over and the grin widens, "Still got it haven't you, Katiekins?"

Naomi snorts and leans over, snapping her fingers in Cook's face, "Quit being a tosser, _James_."

He slides his eyes over her as well and she just rolls hers so Cook decides to get down to business, "Well, as you know the annual celebration is here for the CookieMonster's birthday. Both you lovely ladies are invited of course. Figure I'd double my chances of getting my dick damp if you know what I'm sayin'."

Katie sucks her teeth, "Why would we want to go to that? Last year you almost got us fucking killed if I remember."

Cook lets out a short chuckle like its something that's _funny_—you know being in brawl with murderous gangsters, "Yeah well, had fun didn't you? Best party of the year."

"Who's going?" Naomi asks too quietly.

Cook stills and looks over at her and for a second Katie thinks, _he gets it_.

"Me and the lads, well, we heard, you know? What happened. Freds is proper torn up about it. Effy's not invited." Katie notices the way he says that _Freddie_ was torn up about it but the twist on Cook's face shows that Freddie isn't the only one, "I was thinking maybe we should start a club, you know? Like a 'fucked over by Effy Stonem' club. You and Katie can be my first members. Initiation is simple enough; just a quick threesome is all it takes."

Katie snorts at how fucking repulsive he can be sometimes but still…it's like he fucking _cares_ somehow and it was nice even if it was followed by yet another offer for sex.

She gives a short nod, "Yeah, I'll go if Naomi will."

Cook looks completely shocked, "You will?

Naomi echoes at the same time, "You will?"

Katie grins at both of them, hoping she can fool them into thinking she's not changed a bit, "Sure, why not right? Let's go get fucked up."

Cook claps her on the shoulder, "Too fucking right, Katiekins!"

He gets up after promising to see them (with a wink) at Uncle Keith's pub on Friday night. Katie watches him walk off and thinks about how not that much has changed since last term. Cook is still Cook, repulsive and strangely cocky as ever. Thinking about how nothing's changed makes her feel a bit sick though for some reason. Like they never learned from all the shit that went down, didn't learn how to not fuck each other up.

Cook saunters over to Freddie and tosses an arm around his shoulder but Freddie's gaze is fixed far away. It's fixed on Effy who's over near the bike rack, smoking a fag, and gazing back at Freddie as if she didn't steal him from Katie only to smash his heart into a million pieces by fucking Emily who was supposedly head over heels with Naomi. Cook jerks on Freddie's arm and mutters something into his ear and they walk off together but both of them glance back at Effy at least twice.

Naomi must have followed Katie's gaze over to Effy because suddenly her hand is soft and warm on Katie's arm, "Alright then, Katie?"

Katie turns back to Naomi and swallows the ball of anger, bitterness, regret, and pain that always forms in her throat at seeing Effy Stonem, "Yeah…alright."

Naomi smiles at her and then goes back to her sandwich, leaving Katie's arm strangely cold where her hand was resting.

Katie puts her food aside. Maybe they have all changed. Maybe everything is completely different. Maybe they've all just gotten better at hiding it—how much it all hurts.

--

Naomi flops down on the bed, causing it to jerk behind Katie's back and she nearly spills her water all over herself, "God like fucking pay attention to what you're doing!"

Katie smoothes down her skirt and cranes her head back to look up at Naomi just in time to catch an eye roll and a, "Yeah sure, whatever Katie."

With a smirk, Katie looks back to her magazine and it is _hers_. She had to bring over some good shit to read because Naomi's house only had copies of political crap that makes absolutely no sense. Somewhere above her, Naomi says in an offhand sort of way, "I have some vodka."

Katie smiles because she's read this article like five times already and getting drunk with Naomi is actually surprisingly fun and silly. She sets her water down next to her, "Alright lets have it then." She lays down on her back and pats the floor next to her, expecting Naomi to come sit there.

There's a pause behind Katie which makes her try to crane her head to catch Naomi's eye. Naomi looks down at the duvet, "Not on the floor, okay?"

"Why the fuck not," Katie asks and Naomi looks up at her a little at loss for words but still looking sad and Katie thinks _ah an Emily thing_. It should freak her out more but for some reason it doesn't and without another word she climbs up on the bed next to Naomi and says, "So…bet you I can like fucking drink you under the table."

Naomi reaches over to her nightstand and pulls the bottle of vodka to her chest, unscrewing the cap, "How much you wanna bet, Katiekins?"

--

"All gone!" Katie pronounces proudly and shoves the bottle towards Naomi.

"Fuck off," Naomi slurs, trying to grasp the bottle but missing it completely. I t falls onto the bed between them and Naomi groans, burying her face in the duvet next to Katie's thigh.

Without a why or what for, Katie reaches down and puts her hand on Naomi's head, sliding her fingers through her hair, "You're such a fucking lightweight," she says but then giggles at herself because when she's drunk her lisp is so fucking pronounced and anyways its sounds more like an affectionate thing rather than an insult.

Naomi groans and slides further down but that puts her head in Katie's lap but its not strange like it should be and Katie just clucks her tongue at Naomi's state before stroking her hair again. She's not in as bad a state as Naomi is…at least she doesn't think she is. Things are hazy and soft and happening in slow motion but surprisingly nice.

"Fuck your hair is like…really soft or whatever."

Naomi rolls over with a sigh and looks up at Katie with half-closed eyes. Katie brushes a bit of her blonde hair out of her face. It is unbelievably soft but maybe that's just the vodka, making her want to feel the texture of it beneath her fingers. She rubs it between her fingers and watches as Naomi's lips drift into a smile.

"What sort of shampoo do you use?"

Naomi blinks her eyes shut and then open again before groaning out, "Fuck if I know, Katie…whatever my mum buys innit? You know that one…in the bottle…" She trails off and Katie rolls her eyes.

"You're like the most unhelpful person ever."

Katie realizes she's still playing with that strand of hair and when she lets it fall Naomi's eyes close and she turns her head back round, pressing it into Katie's thigh. Katie feels Naomi's breath on her leg and it's nice—like warm or something. Feeling comfortable and slightly sleepy she lays back, feeling her back thud into the mattress and Naomi lazily swats at her leg, missing completely, "Cow," she mutters and rolls away from Katie.

Katie starts laughing without a reason, putting her hands over her eyes. It's been quite a while since she got fucked up good and proper and obviously she's lost a bit of tolerance. Suddenly Naomi's voice echoes above her, "What's funny?"

Katie looks at Naomi through her fingers and Naomi's like swaying leaning above her. With a strange look on her face, Naomi reaches down and moves Katie's fingers from over her eyes.

"You're actually….God, you're really beautiful, aren't you?" Naomi sounds halfway surprised and Katie is torn between feeling special and feeling offended.

Naomi's eyes are staring down at her with just this…_look_ and Katie has to look off to the side, "Yeah, I suppose I'm fit."

"I don't see you happy very much," Naomi murmurs and Katie blearily thinks about saying _the only time I'm happy anymore is with you_. She actually thinks she says the words—at least hears them in her mind but watching Naomi's face and how it doesn't change she realizes she didn't say them and thank fuck because that would've been awkward even if it is true.

Katie watches Naomi reach out a hand and it makes her so unsteady that she almost falls down and Katie almost bites out _be careful, you moron_ but the words freeze in her throat when Naomi lightly touches the side of her face with one long, slender finger. She trails it up Katie's cheek until it hovers around Katie's scar.

"I'm sorry she hurt you," says Naomi, voice thick with drink and…something. She leans down and for a second Katie is thinking _fuck fuck fuck fuck_ because it seems like Naomi might kiss her but for some reason—probably the vodka—she doesn't hate the idea.

Naomi goes right past her lips though and presses a soft kiss right on Katie's scar. It's soft and gentle and afterwards, Katie will want to look in a mirror and make sure the scar is still even there.

"Fuck," Katie says and her voice is so fucking scratchy and weird.

Naomi bends away just as slowly as she leaned over and with extreme concentration, like she _could _fall over at any second. When she lays down next to Katie on the bed, not close or anything, Katie feels her heart still racing and her hands almost _dying_ to reach out and just like grab Naomi and…_what_?

Instead she rolls over so her back is to Naomi, hits the empty vodka bottle with her arm, picks it up and tosses it off the bed where it clatters onto the hardwood floor. "What the fuck," she asks herself as she buries her head into a pillow that smells like Naomi.

--

It's like hours later when she wakes up, feeling sweaty and with Naomi shaking her arm.

"Katie…wake up."

She like practically jumps away from Naomi's fingers on her skin—and really its so retarded because it was just like her _arm_-- but if Naomi notices she doesn't say anything about it. She merely slides a bit further down the bed and like crosses her legs, looking a bit prim and proper. Lazily, Naomi gestures to the nightstand, "Your mobile has been ringing loads so like either cut it off or answer it."

Holding her forehead that feels sort of like shattered glass Katie groans out, "Fuck me…what time is it?"

Naomi cranes her head to look at the table behind her, "Half ten."

"Jesus I've been asleep for like five hours?"

Naomi nods and then like pulls a cup of pudding from fucking nowhere and slowly brings the spoon to her mouth, Katie turns away so she doesn't have to see the way it slides out from between her lips, "Fucking vodka," she murmurs.

With that fucktard confused look that Naomi gives her sometimes she says, "What's that?"

"Nothing," Katie answers because it honestly is. She reaches over and peers over at her phone and fuck if she hasn't missed like five calls and they're all from her mum, "Right…guess that means I'd better go home."

She slides out of bed, trying to look like she feels less like shit than she actually does but Naomi smirks and holds out two pills to Katie in her open palm.

Katie peers down at the small red pills, "Fuck are those?"

Naomi rolls her eyes, "Yeah, I'm not like poisoning you, they're just some aspirin."

"Oh yeah, cheers," Katie says and swallows the pills dry because apparently Naomi didn't think to bring her some fucking water and it sucks because they stick sweetly in her throat but then again, Naomi like _thought_ enough to bring her aspirin in the first place and that--like the pills--sticks too sweetly in her throat.

She glares over at Naomi, "How come you're not as like fucking shattered as I am?"

"I don't do hangovers," Naomi answers blithely.

"Cunt," Katie responds.

Naomi crosses her legs again and out comes that fucking pudding again and Katie can't help but watch—she tells herself its like an auto accident, where you just can't look away but somehow she realizes she doesn't really _want_ to.

Naomi grins up at Katie after she's done like _molesting_ the fucking spoon and says, "Aw you know you love me, Katiekins."

It's not til Katie is halfway back to her house—after she practically _sprinted_ from Naomi's room—that her heart calms and she gathers enough of herself to mutter again to herself, "Fucking vodka."

--

When she's almost home and she's almost managed to convince herself that vodka is a definitely a _bad_ thing and that she should never drink it again, Katie sees Emily sitting haphazardly on the curb in front of their house and her legs are spread out awkwardly as she texts.

Emily looks up at Katie when she walks closer and she smiles and for a second Katie forgets not to be glad to see her sister because well, she's fucking knackered so obviously it's a slip up.

"What you doing sitting outside then?"

And again it's not necessarily because she _wants_ to but Katie finds herself sliding down to sit at the curb next to Emily, mostly because she's tired.

Emily grimaces and slides her phone inside her trouser pocket and normally Katie would ask _who were you texting_ but if she's honest with herself she really doesn't want to know. "Nan's here," Emily says and just like that its all clear.

"Fucking hell," Katie murmurs, looking up at the stars because honestly someone must have it out for her.

Emily lets out a short laugh, "Yeah you managed to miss dinner but Nan put down Da's 'little gym' about three times and then asked Mum why she didn't know how to properly use an oven."

"Christ," Katie says with a laugh because Nan has never liked Dad but she has to agree with her that Mum's cooking is for shit most of the time.

Emily nudges Katie's shoulder, "Yeah and apparently I need to find a good bloke."

Katie rolls her eyes, "So really? Mum hasn't even told her about you liking fanny and all that?"

"Guess not and based on the panicked look in her eyes with Nan mentioned it I suppose I'm not supposed to either."

Katie dusts off her skirt and stands up wearily, holding her hand out to Emily. Emily goes to get up as well and then sees the hand, she looks up a little surprised at Katie who just rolls her eyes and says, "Well I'm not dealing with her by myself so you're obviously coming in with me."

Emily's hand slips into hers and Katie tugs her up with a sharp pull that almost sends them both tumbling. The smile on Emily's lips and the sheer relief in her eyes is enough to make Katie glad that she didn't make a big deal out of forgiving her but they walk shoulder to shoulder up to the house and it feels good to be standing _together_ against something for the first time in a long time.

--

Katie flops down on her bed but only after about an hour of the Spanish Inquisition about her grades—close to failing, her boyfriend—nonexistent at this point, and best of all…why can't she be more proper like Emily which is just so fucking hilarious that Katie almost laughed right in Nan's face.

She's almost asleep in her fucking clothes and everything when her mobile buzzes in her pocket and Katie sees a text from Naomi.

_Hope you feel better you moody cow _

She hits the 'save' button without thinking about it just to remember that little burst of happiness that she got upon reading it.


	10. Chapter 10

*A/N: Short-ish update and I'm really sorry for that. I have later chapters of this story already written though so hopefully the pace of my updating will pick up haha. Hope you all have a happy holidays though.*

A Dustland Fairytale: Chapter 10

Katie tries incredibly hard not to think of it as, _the night that changed everything_. She really does. Wants to pretend it never happened. Tries not to remember the way her stomach twisted when Naomi had hovered over her, stupidly soft hair like dangling over her eyes that suddenly seemed _radiant _(which Katie must have been fucked off her tits to think a stupid thing like that about Naomi). She wants to forget about that night. That stupid night with the vodka, actually she doesn't _want_ to forget it – she _needs_ to. Because living like this—feeling things so blatantly _wrong_-- with Naomi being really the only person she hangs out with anymore just _won't do_.

At first she doesn't think there's a difference. Thinks they can go on like they are, vodka hazed almost sort of kisses and pushes into lockers, followed by teeth and tongues aside. Naomi is well…_Naomi_. And no matter how weird it is—them being mates—she's just well...whatever. Over the weekend Katie manages to convince herself she was being like fucking retarded or whatever and that everything will go back to normal on Monday. And it does. They drink hot coffee on the steps and snarl at each because it's fucking _early_. It feels normal and doesn't really make her chest tighten, well not so much tighten as feel like warm and wanted and needed and stuff which isn't necessarily _bad_, mates feel like that don't they? Then college is busy during the week so they only have their mornings. So it's not really Katie's fault that by Friday, she's slipped into some sort of haze where she's managed to convince herself that it meant nothing.

She texts Naomi when she gets to her house, _I'm outside. Come get the door you lazy fuck_

_You know how to open a door don't you?_ Naomi texts back and Katie snorts at how much of a _bitch_ she can be sometimes before she pushes the door open with a sigh.

Naomi is concentrating on her mirror in an almost deadly fashion, pulling a rather sad little brush through her hair. She sees Katie in the reflection and smirks, "Figured the door bit out then Katie?"

"Oh fuck off," Katie says and throws her bag down on Naomi's bed, "so are we going to be ready to go sometime this century?"

"Hey," Naomi says meeting her eyes in the mirror, "This level of beauty just doesn't happen overnight. It takes time…effort."

With a roll of her eyes Katie says, "Yeah time and effort my ass, okay? You just close your eyes and pick shit from the closet and you know it."

She thinks Naomi will just snipe back, expects it really but instead Naomi just bites her lip a bit and stares into the mirror and for a second Katie thinks, _what the fuck?_ Because Naomi Campbell can't be insecure about anything. In fact, most of the time she's an up herself cunt.

The silence is awkward and theres no excuses—like vodka—to excuse her for saying something to Naomi like—I was just kidding you twat, you're extremely beautiful. No, there are no excuses for saying something like that so Katie bites the inside of her cheek and says, "I could help, you know? With the hair?"

To Katie's eternal surprise Naomi shrugs and motions to her hair, "Alright…go ahead, amaze me."

With two big steps, Katie's across the room and is already lifting Naomi's longer hair from her collar and it's still _so_ fucking soft that she sucks in an involuntary breath that causes Naomi to crane her neck backwards and glance at Katie.

To cover it up a bit Katie tugs at the collar of Naomi's shirt, "This top is going to _have_ to come off you understand."

_It doesn't mean anything_, Katie thinks that her heart patters a bit alarmingly when Naomi smiles at her with hooded eyes and whispers, "Whatever you say, Katie."

--

_Damn I'm good_, she thinks when Naomi is standing in front of her mirror and looking at herself like she can't quite believe it.

Katie lifts her hair a final time and pulls it so it's just gently laying on Naomi's shoulders and her fingertips brush—accidentally—across Naomi's neck. Naomi swallows and looks up to meet Katie's eyes in the mirror and there's gratitude in them.

"You've always been pretty," Katie hears her voice say and then can't quite believe it came out of her mouth, "I mean…I've thought that from the first day I saw you."

Naomi pulls down on the skirt that Katie's made her wear and it actually _matches_ the top and they both look quite…good on her.

"You remember when you first saw me," Naomi asks and Katie can't stop her head from nodding.

"You were in the halls. Fussing at someone for bumping into you or something and Emily and I were there and I mean, from that first day I should've known. She looked at you like you were…the best thing she's ever seen. And I should've known, you know? But I just thought you looked rather fucking fierce and that we'd probably be good friends."

Naomi turns around and smiles extremely prettily, "So actually you and I would've been friends if Emily hadn't decided I was shaggable."

Feeling a bit desperate and Naomi being so close and the air in the room getting thick Katie murmurs, "She loved you then, you know? Probably still does."

Swallowing again, harder this time Naomi answers, "Yeah, some things don't change."

Then there's fingertips on her arm, slowly tracing down and Katie can't, just fucking _can't_ breathe especially when she hears Naomi say, "But some things do."

--

Cook hoots when they walk into the pub, hoots and comes forward, wrapping Naomi in a large hug which ends in a sort of grope until Naomi pushes him away and Katie turns away to swallow whatever the fuck had risen in her chest—push it down and hope that it never fucking surfaces again.

Freddie comes over with an apologetic smile and pats Cook on the back, "He's already had a lot to drink."

Cook howls and runs over to jump on J.J. a bit who looks quite overwhelmed but excited to have the attention in the end.

Naomi glances over at Katie with a small smile on her face and to Katie it translates to _why did we come again?_ And Katie smiles back her own _don't fucking know babes_.

Katie watches as Naomi goes over to the bar and watches her go without realizing until Freddie coughs somewhere next to her. She glances over at him and his fucking little smile on his face and suddenly all she can think is _last term was a long time ago_. "Alright, Katie," he asks and she pushes a smile onto her face, watches as he echoes one that's equal parts hope and relief.

"Yeah…alright," she says.

--

There's been _so_ much to drink and that's the problem. Cook won't stop shoving shots down their throats and Katie can't really remember how long they've been there, or how many she's had, or how Freddie's arm is suddenly draped across her shoulders or how long Naomi's been staring at it like it should be on fire.

The only thing she does know is that she needs a loo or something because all that vodka is about to come rushing up. With a shove against the booth she manages to stand. She wobbles uncertainly and Freddie manages to catch her arm first and motions for Naomi to sit back down, "It's okay," he says, "I've got her."

_Like fuck you do _Katie thinks but then she used to think he was well lush at one point so she grips the back of his neck and pulls him into a sloppy kiss, listening to Cook howl again in the background. It's brief but not too chaste because Freddie wipes his arm across his mouth when their done and grins down at her.

_Oh yeah_, Katie thinks right before she turns and throws up all over the floor.

Freddie curses and then cool hands are brushing back her hair, gathering it in a bunch as she spits more on the floor.

"It's okay, Katie," Naomi murmurs, holding her hair with one hand and rubbing her back with the other. "I've got you."

Katie hears Cook yelling for a bucket or something and Freddie bitching about how sick is all over his trainers but all that really matters is Naomi's hand rubbing circles in her back.

--

_Never again _Katie thinks when she wakes up and everything is bright—so fucking bright. And her head is spinning and her mouth is dry. She tries to move, to roll over so the sun isn't actually like _piercing_ her brain but there's a large arm cast over her keeping her in place.

Freddie rolls over and blinks up at her blearily after she tosses his hand off. "Morning," he murmurs and sleepily smiles up at her.

--

When Katie wanders into college on Monday morning she feels _much_ worse for the wear. She had spent the weekend ignoring calls from Freddie and the one text from Naomi that made her feel like a horrible person with just a few words.

_I hope you made it home ok_.

Naomi's smoking again on the steps when Katie sits down and she doesn't have the heart to tell her to put it out. She just sits there staring off into the parking lot and waiting for Naomi to say something about it all.

With a sigh Naomi rubs her fag out on the steps and faces Katie, "So…you and Freddie again eh?"

Katie has a hard time meeting Naomi's eyes because they're sort of _accusing_ and something else that Katie can't put her finger on but mostly just _hurt_ which seems wrong because their just mates.

She fidgets around a bit and answers the ground instead of Naomi, "I dunno, we just had a bit of fun. I think he wants to go again though."

"Jesus Katie, what the fuck? Didn't you learn your lesson last time?"

Her voice is caustic and bitchy without even a hint of affection in it and Katie has to remind herself that this _is_ Naomi and that the Naomi she's been dealing with these few weeks has been a tamed down version. But then again she's Katie fucking Fitch and if she doesn't know how to deal with a bitchy Naomi then no one does.

"Yeah so what the fuck does it matter to you?"

Naomi's eyes narrow, "What does it matter to me? Before Freddie used you and then shagged Effy who, oh yeah, smashed your head open with a fucking rock. We're friends Katie and I may not have had many of those but I know that mates help each other out when their about to make a mistake."

"You're right…we're _friends_ and in case you've forgotten I'm not Emily and if Freddie and I want to have another go, you can just stuff all this jealous girlfriend bollocks you're putting on right now."

Pulling back like Katie's slapped her Naomi hisses out, "Yeah you're _not_ Emily and next time Freddie _fucks_ Effy behind your back then don't come crying to me you stupid slag."

With that Naomi grabs her bag and stomps away leaving Katie sitting alone on the steps wondering what the fuck had just happened.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

For the longest time Naomi thinks she's alone. Thinks its best that way, easiest, less messy. It doesn't hurt as much when you lose something you tell yourself you don't need anyways. Then Emily comes along and she _wants _Naomi…no _needs_ her and its nice, that. Having someone need you. Only Naomi doesn't realize when she starts to depend upon it. Starts to need Emily back and it happens but it feels right in a way. Only Emily is constantly lovely and adoring and it almost continuously makes Naomi feel like a shit person for being a twat, makes her feel like she has to change who she is.

So she bites her tongue and holds back most of the time when they're together because even if bitchy and snappy are her _things_, they most certainly aren't Emily's and seeing that hurt look on Emily's face has become something she dreads but knows she's always going to be the cause of.

It's like walking on eggshells and sometimes she starts to hate it.

Then something happened she didn't prepare herself for. Emily is the one who fucks up. Fucks up big time and it fucking _hurts_. It feels like her chest is being ripped out and Naomi didn't know something could feel this _horrible_. And she hates Effy. Not just for taking away Emily but for taking away that slow shaky trust that Naomi had been building. The feeling that it was _okay_ to need people. That Emily was someone safe to need because she'd never hurt Naomi. That got ripped away.

_So_…Naomi thinks, _I'll be alone again_. _I did it before I can do it again_. Only the thing is…she's not. Katie comes and plops herself down on the steps and its shocking and it should hurt because well—they're fucking twins. But it doesn't and Katie is bitchy and surprisingly funny and Naomi can laugh with her and snipe at her and Katie doesn't give her puppy dog eyes with little tears in them…no she fucking snipes right back.

It happens again. By accident this time. It's less like falling off a cliff but it still takes her breath away.

Naomi starts _wanting_ to spend time with Katie. Enjoys her wit and the way she cares in stupid, retarded ways and then claims not to care at all. She loves that she gets to see this side of Katie. The one that stands by her when Emily's still ripping her heart out everyday they see each other. The Katie that got broken by Effy Stonem and nobody even really noticed. Naomi loves her strength, the fact that she didn't _let_ anyone notice, that she held it in and tried to be okay with everything. Naomi can respect that, knows how it's easy to hold things within.

She doesn't notice it at first. It just happens. She finds herself looking for excuses to touch Katie. To run her fingers down her arm, to touch her hair, to make her laugh and find with surprise that she wants to kiss the corners of her mouth as they curl up. But it's _Katie_ so Naomi tries to put it down to some residual Emily shit…only that doesn't fit.

But when she hovers over Katie that one night, feeling her warm body underneath her, Naomi fights with herself tooth and nail, finally pushes the need down and kisses Katie's scar instead even though in that moment the one thing she wanted more than anything in the world was to kiss Katie, to press her lips against Katie's and feel them move against hers. And that has fuck all to do with Emily.

Naomi has to force herself to move away, to roll over and pretend to fall asleep because this feeling that's creeping up in her chest and making her do these things…it just _can't_ be.

And that whole week she puzzles it over. Wonders why there's a tightening in her chest every time she seems Katie. Wonders why the sandwiches and the coffee and Katie's laugh have come to mean _so_ much to her. Because they're understated versions of happiness, not grandiose rides to the lake or hand holding at a Love Ball but for some reason its better. Maybe because big romantic gestures have never been her thing. Knowing that everyday Katie will be there with a smirk and a cup of black coffee means more to her than the uncertainty and rollercoaster ride that being with Emily was.

Naomi doesn't feel like she has to _try_ so hard to be a better person, a different person. Katie just lets her _be_, calls her on it when she's being a bitch, and punishes her less for not automatically being lovely and nice.

And when Katie tells her she's beautiful, always has been, Naomi has to swallow the lump that's risen in her throat. _Something has to give_, she thinks when Katie brushes her fingers lightly against Naomi's neck and it makes her shiver, _I can't keep up like this_.

So it does. Something gives and changes everything. Naomi watches Freddie's arm around Katie, slowly moving over inch by inch as the night has worn through and she has a hard time not transferring _cheater_ from Emily to Katie. Besides, why shouldn't Katie lean against Freddie, why shouldn't she laugh at his idiotic baked jokes? Naomi wants to slap herself silly and go home. Stupid for entertaining the idea of Katie Fitch. Go home and remind herself why it _is_ a bad thing to need people. Instead she stays, gets stupidly drunk and a little bit nauseous thinking about being alone again. Or worse, having to sit by and watch Freddie and Katie together.

Then it happens. Katie kisses Freddie and its sloppy and a mess and he wasn't expecting it but his tongue slips inside her mouth anyways and Naomi just can't _breathe_. And the pain is back in her chest and she remembers everything that had been slowly fading these past few weeks, the pain. Then Katie tosses up and Freddie bitches like a little girl about the sick that splashed onto his trainers so Naomi is left to pull up Katie's hair and stroke her back and her skin is so warm through her top and Naomi wants for some reason to put Katie to bed and like nurse her back to health which is retarded because her motherly instincts have never been very present.

There's a bit of a stupid struggle with who gets to take Katie home. Naomi starts to steer her towards the door and Freddie sensing that he's about to lose his fucking prize comes over and grips her other arm.

"Cheers Naomi I'll take her from here."

Naomi struggles not to bite Freddie's head off or sound weirdly possessive but she's drunk so that doesn't help and she stupidly says, "I'm her best friend."

Freddie smiles goofily at her like that doesn't mean a thing and Naomi has to stop herself from correcting him because really it means _everything._

She watches them walk down the street, Katie swaying into Freddie's arm and him holding her up and Naomi turns and walks away into the darkness, feeling like she's lost something she never even had and thinking to herself, _he doesn't deserve someone like her_.

Naomi tries…she really tries to not make a big deal out of it. To not scare Katie away. To not bitch at her for _choosing_ Freddie, as if there was another choice to begin with. Because Katie couldn't know. Can't know how Naomi feels about her and its not like she's made it clear anyways. Naomi tells herself time and again, sitting on those steps that she _can_ be Katie's friend and that its not Katie's fault Naomi wants to be anything more.

But the words come out without her meaning them too and she _hates_ the way her voice cracks and her hands shake. She also hates the way Katie's eyes narrow and she looks at Naomi like something foreign. Because Naomi never meant for her to find out that she feels this way. And when she's cocked it up majorly, yelled at Katie, called her a slag, Naomi grabs her bag and does the one thing she knows she's good at.

She runs.

--

She spends days being late to school and then laying in bed. Naomi tells herself to stop checking her phone every two minutes because it makes her feel like a desperate cunt. There's only been one call anyways which Naomi missed.

It was from Katie who apparently doesn't do all the drama and uncertainty that Emily did. She says,

_Look I don't know what the fuck happened. When you're ready to talk, I'll listen and I expect you to do the same._ There's a pause and then she says a bit softer, _I miss you, you know?_

It's that part that Naomi holds onto.

But it's also the reason she can't bring herself to call Katie back.

--

Her mum and Kieran come home from holiday in Cyprus and Naomi hugs Gina long and hard even though she hasn't done so in years.

Gina pushes her back a bit and ducks to look in her eyes, "Everything alright love?"

Naomi shakes her head slowly and mutters, "Don't want to talk about it," and Gina --who's always been horribly invasive _except_ when she knows Naomi needs some space—nods, kisses Naomi's forehead and goes to make them a cup of tea.

Naomi almost hugs her again just because.

--

She doesn't mean to go there. It's like her feet carry her there. So she's standing in front of the Fitch household, looking up at the window and wonders which side of the room Katie sleeps on. And its slightly ridiculous that she's become best friends with Katie, dated the other Fitch daughter for months, got threatened by their mum, and she's actually never even set foot into Katie and Emily's room.

"She's in there, you know," Naomi hears from behind her and the breath leaves her lungs at the voice that's both painful and comforting.

Naomi turns to face Emily who is standing at the end of the sidewalk, looking down at her shoes before bringing her soft eyes up to look at Naomi. And that _look_, it's so fucking reminiscent that Naomi's chest tightens and she feels like no time has passed at all since Emily broke her heart.

Naomi swallows, "I just need to talk to her. We had a bit of a row."

Emily walks towards her and glances past her at the house, "It's bizarre, you know? That you two are friends. But I guess it makes sense in a weird way."

Naomi nods and tries to pretend that this is normal, talking to Emily as if nothing had ever happened between them.

Then there's fingers tracing lightly down her forearm, "I've missed you," Emily says softly and fuck…fuck Naomi can't _hear_ this.

"Emily," she says and it sounds like a warning but strangled and broken and Emily steps away like nothing happened.

"Well she's inside, probably checking her phone to see if you've called," she says with amusement in her voice, "She's been a bit of a pitiful cunt since you two stopped talking if you must know but my mum isn't home so if you want to make up, now's the time."

Naomi nods curtly and walks up the steps, telling her feet to keep on moving, trying to clear the smell of Emily's bodywash out of her nose, and to forget the way her fingers had traced down her arm.

"See you," Emily calls after her and Naomi grits her teeth to stop from sobbing.

--

"Fuck off," Katie says through the door when Naomi gathers up the courage to knock.

She pushes the door open anyways and Katie is sitting in the middle of her bed, earphones in, wearing a purple T-shirt that looks two sizes too big. When Katie looks up sharply and sees Naomi, she pulls the earphones out and Naomi finds herself smiling despite herself because she's _missed_ Katie so much.

Katie smiles back even though she's shaking her head, "Finally decided to stop being a fucking coward and come talk then?"

Naomi walks slowly into the room, depositing her bag next to the door, "Something like that."

"Good, you being pathetic was getting old anyways."

When Naomi sits gingerly on the bed, Katie moves over to make room for her and Naomi smirks at her, "_Me_ being pathetic, according to Emily you've just been pining away in your room for the past week."

Katie laughs and pushes her shoulder against Naomi's, "Fuck off with that, I have not, okay?" She stills then and looks at Naomi critically, "You've talked to Emily then?"

Naomi wants to reach over and touch Katie's hand at the uncertainty in her voice, like she's afraid of being replaced or some such rubbish but she restrains herself because that kind of shit is what got them into this mess in the first place.

"For a bit," she says blandly as if it didn't affect her, "She was outside when I came over to see you."

Katie makes an ambiguous noise and turns to look Naomi right in the eyes. She asks softly, "So what happened the other day?"

Naomi shakes her head and tries to find the words to explain without using words like _you belong with me_.

"It's just," she begins and then takes a deep breath, "We've become really close, yeah? And its not like I would've ever expected you to become my best friend but you are okay? And that's really meant a lot since…you know. You…you've really meant a lot to me since all that happened."

Katie swallows hard and says, "You don't have to worry about being pushed aside or anything, you know? I'm not going anywhere. Chicks before dicks and all that, yeah?"

Naomi laughs despite herself, "That's not it, okay? I mean, yeah that's part of the problem but it's not the whole thing."

Katie rests her hand on Naomi's arm and Naomi struggles to forget how warm and reassuring it feels and how she wants nothing more than to turn and meet Katie's eyes but she knows if she does then she might not be able to stop herself from doing the most idiotic thing and kissing her or something.

"I just…I mean, Freddie? Katie he doesn't deserve you."

Katie starts to protest but Naomi interrupts her, "Katie come on! The guy fucked Effy behind your back, he used you, Katie. You…you deserve so much better okay?"

Softly Katie says, "Freddie isn't that bad. He's nice, you know?"

Naomi snorts and turns to gaze at the wall and winces when Katie slowly removes her hand from Naomi's arm.

There's a long silence where Naomi knows if she gets up and walks out they probably won't be friends again and the thought sends a panic through her body because she can't imagine spending her life the way she just spent the entire week, wondering where Katie was, if she was okay, if she was happy, if she missed Naomi.

So she does the hardest thing, pushes away everything she's been feeling and wanting and hoping for and says, "I'm not like throwing a fucking celebration that you guys are back together or anything but if its what you want…well, I didn't mean what I said the other day, I'll be there you know? Whatever you decide but if he hurts you again I will break his fucking face."

Naomi doesn't expect it but Katie throws her arms around her and hugs her. She's so fucking _soft_ and Naomi's arms wrap around her back and pull her close and Naomi tries not to think about how they just sort of _fit._

--

Naomi leaves because Katie's mum will be home any minute and Naomi is not, "tangling with your mum again, she's well scary." Katie smiles for the first time in days and wonders why it's Naomi that can put that smile there.

Emily comes home rather late and she looks tired and her eyes are a bit red but Katie knows better than to ask what's happened. Instead she shifts over in bed and Emily sits next to her and just sort of rests her head on Katie's shoulder.

"Alright then," Katie asks

Emily answers softly, "Yeah."

_Liar_, thinks Katie but she doesn't say it out loud and she vows to herself if Effy fucks with her sister, she really will properly choke her this time.

"So did you and Naomi make up," Emily asks hesitantly.

Katie smiles at her fucking name and she curses herself for being so fucking stupid, "Yeah actually. We were both just being moody cunts really."

Emily laughs, "You and Naomi being moody cunts? That's unheard of."

"Shut it you little ingrate."

Emily stands up, stretches, and walks towards the door, almost as an afterthought she turns and looks at Katie, "I really miss her, you know?"

Katie tries to ignore the way her throat tightens up with words like _maybe you should've thought of that before fucking Effy_. Instead she nods.

Emily looks thoughtful for a second, "I think I want her back."

Katie's throat tightens even more and she feels a rush of _something_ at the thought of Naomi back with her sister.

"Don't jerk her around, Emily. Don't _think_ you want her back. You have to _know_ it. Don't…just don't hurt her okay?"

Emily nods slowly and Katie is angry that she has to even _think_ about it. That isn't how love works, even Katie knows that. Katie watches Emily walk out the door and thinks; _Emily doesn't deserve someone like Naomi_.

With surprise Katie realizes that's the exact same thing Naomi had said about Freddie.

**A/N: So some people said very firmly(but still nicely) that it would be swell if I updated quicker and since I'm out of school I decided that I do need to update more frequently so here you all go :) **


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I'm glad I got in one pretty big update before school starts, blegh. I'll really try to be better about posting this semester though.**

Chapter 12

"So you're coming round to mine after school, yeah?" Naomi watches Katie as she puts her books away in the locker and tries very…very hard not to remember the kiss. The way Katie's hands had gripped her arms, like they were torn between pushing her away and holding her close. Or the way Katie had made a very small sound back in her throat when Naomi's teeth had grazed her bottom lip or…

Katie's locker shuts with a bang, startling Naomi and Katie smirks when Naomi jumps. "I can't today. I got a date with Freddie." She tugs a bit on her hair and Naomi tries not to watch her finger as it curls around one strand.

Swallowing Naomi puts on an uneasy smile, "Yeah, right…ok, whatever. See you tomorrow morning, yeah?"

She turns to walk away and Katie calls out, "I'll call you when it's done, yeah? Let you know how it went?"

Without stopping Naomi turns her head a bit to the side and smiles back at Katie, "Yeah sure. Sounds great."

Katie stand by her locker, watching Naomi leave and she wonders when she had gone from thinking floral skirts were fucking ugly to thinking that maybe they weren't the most horrible things in the world.

--

When Naomi walks into sunlight she's struggling to breathe and trying to gulp down that sick feeling that's risen in her stomach and fuck…fuck it's never been _this_ bad. Sure she's been jealous before. Stupid middle school crushes and then Emily's thing with J.J. but it'd always been a slightly upset feeling that someone was taking something that was rightfully hers. Like a fucking child on the playground getting her toy stolen. Now it was like a pit gnawing at her. She didn't know what the fuck to call it, this horrible feeling, the only thing she knew is that the thought of Freddie's hands on Katie was making her want to toss.

"Alright then, Naomi," she hears and turns to the side to see Cook sauntering up to her with a huge grin on his face.

"Yeah I just…" Naomi glances back towards school, where Katie might still be lingering but then shakes her head and looks back at Cook, "I'm fine."

Cook shrugs one lanky shoulder and pulls a pack of fags from his pocket. He taps one into his palm and then offers the pack to Naomi. She shakes her head, "I've sort of quit."

Cook puts the cigarette he tapped out back in the pack and then he slides the pack back into the pocket of his dirty grey trousers, "Well I know it's a bitch to have other people around who smoke when you're trying to quit."

Naomi smiles at him, "Still secretly being not such an ass then?"

Cook rubs the top of his head quickly and then smirks back at her, "Still secretly not being gay then?"

Naomi can't help the grin that spreads across her face, "Touche," she says deliberately not putting the emphasis where it belongs.

"Ah ah," Cook tuts, "You mean touché."

"Yeah, probably."

They stand silently together for a few moments until Cook says, "Wanna go get fucked up?"

"Oh Christ yes."

--

For the fifth time, Katie fakes a laugh and takes a quick sip of her water. Somehow between the rock and now, she'd sort of forgotten how boring as fuck Freddie could be. Like maybe Effy knocked some sort of sense into her but right now Katie couldn't help but scan the restaurant for the waiter so she could order a fucking drink or something, anything to make this better. Not that his endless blathering about how horrible Karen was being or skateboarding or spliff was ever really _interesting_ to begin with but used to be Katie could just sort of hop on him and go to it and eventually he'd forget whatever he was saying. With a random twinge, Katie thinks about Naomi unwillingly. Thinks about how half the time, Naomi is an annoying cunt but then again…she may be annoying but she's never boring.

Now all Katie can think of is how dark the circles under his eyes look and how chapped his lips are and how he's lost weight and its not a good sort of losing weight…it's the kind that makes him look like a skeleton wearing clothes.

She doesn't realize he's said her name until like the third time and by then he's looking at her like she's a bit of a mong.

"Alright then," he asks and she remembers when she used to think his brown eyes were well lush and sort of like melted chocolate but now all she can think is _blue_ and how fucking _electric _it is.

Feeling flushed out of nowhere Katie chokes out, "Uh, yeah, I need the toilet." She stumbles when she gets up and almost pulls the whole fucking tablecloth with her but she trips away, ungraceful on heels for probably the first time since she was like 7 years old.

Once in the bathroom, Katie places her hands on the cold porcelain of the sink, leans forward and looks at her reflection. "Get a grip," she tells herself and wishes it were that simple. She turns on the cold water and runs her hands beneath it, watching it flow in and out of her fingers and thinks about how life sometimes goes that way too. Then she cups her hands and watches it gather and really wants to splash it all over her fucking face so she could just cool the fuck down.

Katie smoothes down her hair and checks herself in the mirror before she walks to the door. Her hand goes to the handle and she almost pulls it open but instead she leans forward a bit until her forehead rests on it. "Fuck," she whispers.

--

Naomi slams her shot glass down and hears Cook howl next to her for the sixth time. "Fucking tip top, Naomikins," he yells, "Fucking tip top!" The skinny girl behind the bar leans forward and slides the shot glasses away.

"Another, Cookie?" She asks the question with a grin spread across her face like she already knows the answer.

Cook makes a circular motion with his hands, "Another fucking round Kristina…actually make it two."

Naomi leans forward and almost falls off her barstool but grips Cook's arm before she goes down. With that horrible grin on his face he steadies her and his eyes laugh down at her, "Steady there girl, you can come sit in Cookie's lap if you want."

With a light slap to the arm, Naomi pushes herself back upright, "We shouldn't have more drink. I'm already fucking smashed, Cook."

Kristina pushes the four shot glasses towards the pair and Cook throws her a wink and a 'thanks love'.

He holds one shot glass filled with clear liquid out to Naomi and holds the other close to his chest like a lifeline, "Come on the Naomikins." When Naomi glares her eyes at him, trying to make the room stop swaying a bit, he smirks back at her, "Or perhaps you're pussy?"

For some reason Naomi thinks _fuck it_ and takes the shot glass from him. Before she tilts her head back she says, "You know that is such a demeaning term to women, calling us by our sex organs."

Cook rolls his eyes, "Sure like you've never called me a cock before."

_Fuck_ the drink burns on its way down and makes Naomi's eyes water furiously. She sputters out a laugh, "That's cus you're really just one big dick, Cook."

Cook lets out a roar of laughter, "Fuck me, I'll drink to that. I have a huge dick!"

Naomi goes to protest that isn't exactly what she said but instead she finds herself laughing along with him and reaching for the next shot with cold fingers.

--

"I had a nice time," Freddie says while almost bending over slightly in his effort to get closer to Katie.

Katie stares down at the tan concrete of the sidewalk, not looking Freddie in the eyes and says, "Yeah thanks…cheers."

She's not really paying attention and that's why she's so surprised when he grips her hand and pulls her into the alleyway next to the restaurant. Her mouth is open to ask _what the fuck_ and apparently to him that means, _go ahead and stick your tongue halfway down my throat_.

His lips glide over hers and they're dry and his breath tastes of spliff and smoke and alcohol and he groans like this is fucking the best thing ever. Kissing someone in a trashy alleyway with a nice garbage pile from the restaurant not more than two feet away. One of his big hands comes up to palm her tit and Katie closes her eyes and tries to enjoy this because it used to be nice. He squeezes and she tries not to slap him away because Jesus, they're not fucking stress balls or something.

His other hand moves from her hip and pushes upwards and she feels her bare back hitting the cool brick behind her and suddenly and in flashes Katie remembers _teeth, lips, tongues, hands…and…hands fucking clever hands and blue and blonde and warmth and heat_. She finds herself without warning groaning with the memory and hears Freddie breathe, "Yeah," in her ear and its heavy and overbearing and he feels like he might crush her he's pushing so hard and he's so cold and this feels like a random fuck as he quickly slides his hand up underneath her skirt.

And his other hand is unbuckling his pants and Katie feels a sense of disgust fill her. He's treating her like a random fuck, some slag that he could bone when and however he feels like it but then again, Katie realizes, that's how he always treated her. Fucking in her that awful shed and then rolling over and lighting a spliff and turning on the telly not two minutes after they'd finished. Correction, after _he'd_ finished. He was so fucking in love and mooning over Effy that he'd never, ever cared about her. And she'd let him. She'd fucking let him get away with that, just to think that maybe someone did care. Just to say she had a boyfriend and he was lush.

With a soft cry Katie puts both her hands against Freddie's chest and shoves him, _hard_. Her father owns a gym and _made sure _his two girls knew how to fucking defend themselves, and Freddie is like a bag of bones anyway. He stumbles backwards, nearly falling over his pants that slide down to his knees.

"What the fuck," he cries, sounding like a little bitch.

Katie wipes the back of her hand furiously across her mouth, "I'm tired of being treated like a slag, letting you get off, knowing you're in love with her the entire fucking time."

Freddie finished zipping up and looked at her all like wounded and stuff, "I thought we were having a nice time."

"Well we did. Last year but I think I'm better now."

He reaches in his pocket and pulls out a spliff…of course he does. He lights up, the glow shining eerily on his skinny face, "Better than me?" And his eyes shine so arrogantly, like he's doing her some sort of fucking favor by being with her.

Katie stares at him emptily for a moment, "Yeah, I deserve better than you." And as she walks away, head held high and leaves her past behind her, Katie realizes that for the first time, she actually does think she deserves better.

--

Blearily Naomi realizes that Cook is gripping her hip hard as he helps her outside. She slumps against him and feels his hot breath on her neck and his lips trace down the tendons that are sticking out there. For a second she lets him because, fuck…someone finally wants her back. His hands creep around, pulling her closer, pushing her hair out of her face and his lips rise up to meet hers instead of sucking on her neck and that's when Naomi pushes him away.

"I can't," she groans. Can't let someone else's lips touch hers. Afraid that they might make her feel what it felt like. How right Katie's had felt. Her world swirls away as she pushes against Cook and she almost tumbles to the ground. Shapes flash by but then there's hands helping her back up.

"Come on, love," and his voice is gentle and his hands aren't rough anymore, not groping. He's helping and she clings to him, wanting to trust that deep down he really is a nice guy, trusting that she's the one that sees that side of him.

When they get in the cab, typically Cook asks to borrow a tener and Naomi digs around in the pocket of her skirt until she grasps some paper and shoves it in his face. "Jackpot," he chuckles and after some directions to the driver, Naomi feels them moving again and it's all just too much.

With a groan she sinks down, burying her face in the plastic seats right next to Cook's grey trousers. He awkwardly pats her shoulder and Naomi thinks that she should tell him he's her best friend. But that's not right. Katie is. Only she's not. No, Naomi thinks, Katie is something more. So much more.

"Still clever, Naomikins?" His voice booms above her and she wants to tell him he doesn't have to shout.

"Cleverest fucking person you know," she slurs.

"Well I'll just assume you have another reason for not fucking me this time."

"Katie," Naomi sighs and smiles at her name.

She doesn't register Cook's intake of breath but is aware when his laughter booms around her, "Fucking hell you have a type don't you? Maybe I'd get some if I wore a red wig and had great tits."

"Maybe," Naomi answers because Katie does have really, really great tits and her eyes, angry but they go soft at times until Naomi feels like she could swim in them and press into her and they'd be like one person, "She's so beautiful," Naomi sighs again and buries her head closer to Cook's trousers.

"Poor girl," Cook breathes and rests his hand on top of her hair and since she's his friend sort of and so trashed he only looks down her top once, twice at the most.

--

With a sigh Katie digs around in her bag for her keys when she's almost home, thinking that this night couldn't get any worse. And of course since this is her life and all, it's just when she thinks this, Katie hears her name being practically crowed from a taxi down the street.

Cook leans out the window looking like a dog, tasting the air as its owner takes it for a drive. "Fucking hell," Katie sighs because even on the best days, Cook has a way of making her agitated and feel a bit like a moody cunt because she can yell at him over and over but he just grins.

When the taxi pulls even with her, Cook leans back in the door and says, "Got a present for you."

Katie lets her bag drop down, "Cook really this isn't…"

But then the door is opening and an extremely drunk Naomi is clambering over Cook's lap who looks like he's enjoying it to the extreme. Naomi stumbles and almost falls on her ass but Katie leans forward and grips her arms, pulling her close and she smells like a fucking distillery on the surface of things but then Katie gets a face full of Naomi's soft blonde hair and it smells like vanilla and peaches or something, something that smells like summer and warm days and Katie almost sighs.

Naomi's arms wrap around Katie's neck and she sighs in her ear, "Katie…" And stops there like saying Katie's name is enough to convey what she's thinking.

Katie struggles to pull everything the fuck together and grips Naomi tighter and looks over Naomi's shoulder, "Cook what the fuck is this?"

Instead of offering an explanation, Cook grins at her and shuts his door, "She's fucking tiptop isn't she, our Naomi?"

Katie swallows hard as Naomi's hands move from her neck and slide down her back _ever_ so slowly until they're loosely resting right above her ass, "Yeah…yeah she is but…"

Cook takes out a fag and slips it between his lips, "Well Katie, I wouldn't complain if people dropped off beautiful blondes at my door every Friday night."

Before Katie can ask what the _fuck_ that means, the taxi pulls off into the night and Katie is left with an armful of drunk Naomi and a blush that is slowly filling her cheeks at the way Naomi is breathing against her neck so lightly and so _warm_.

--

Katie realizes she's in _major_ trouble by the time she gets to Naomi's house and finally figures out from drunken instructions that the house keys are under the flower pot and by flower pot, _obviously_ Naomi means the welcome mat.

But that's not the trouble, its not the trouble even when Naomi's key slides into the door and they stumble inside—well Naomi stumbles, Katie tries to prevent the stumble—its not even the trouble that she feels a bit like a thief, sneaking into someone else's house, even if she is technically bringing something back and not taking things.

No, the real trouble starts when Naomi pushes her gently against the wall and Katie can't move and can't breathe and Naomi's eyes are shining in the moonlight seeping in through the window in the kitchen. "Stay," Naomi whispers. And that's when Katie knows it's not safe. It's not safe that Naomi's hands are gripping her hips and they tug her gently forward until her hips are pressed right up against Naomi's and its not unfamiliar--getting jerked forward like that—only this time there's not a hard cock pressing against her, no hard cock at all. Instead it's soft but a fuckload more heat and it makes Katie tilt her head back and sigh unexpectedly.

Naomi leans in and her lips slide against Katie's throat, once, twice, three times until she's right near Katie's ear and Katie _swears_ she can feel each breath that Naomi lets out, feels it down to her toes.

"Stay," Naomi whispers again.

And if Katie just tips her head like so. If she moves a few inches. If she leaned forward.

She pushes Naomi away. And its such a repeat of what happened with Freddie earlier, only so incredibly different because this time, all she wants to do is grip the collar of Naomi's ridiculous shirt, pull her forward and…

Katie breaks off her thoughts because this _can't_ be happening. "I've got to go," she croaks and is stunned by how fucking raspy her voice is.

She clears her throat and takes another step towards the door, away from Naomi, "I've got to go," she repeats, saying it twice for each time Naomi asked her to stay and the only thing she wanted to do was whisper, _yes_.

Katie feels the door slam behind her as she pulls it closed and she runs off into the night.

She doesn't see Naomi bury her face in her hands and whisper, "Fuck." Doesn't hear how broken Naomi sounds.

--

Katie doesn't mention it. Neither does Naomi. Katie's not sure if Naomi remembers it. Naomi's not sure if Katie wants to.

They talk about anything else. Weather, school, fuckall…anything but that.

It's always there though, like the kiss at the lockers, hovering, waiting to change them forever.

--

Weeks pass. Cook hugs Naomi often and they have whispered conversations in class. Katie struggles to look the other way and wonders what the feeling growing in the pit of her stomach is.

--

There's _so_ much to feel and sometimes Naomi almost can't cope with it. Every look, every touch has a weighted meaning behind it in her eyes and it's exhausting this. Analyzing everything, hoping for the impossible.

--

Something has to break, Katie thinks one day when Naomi lets her hand linger too long and Katie jerks away like she's being burned.

She tries to ignore the hurt look on Naomi's face, tries to ignore the fact that she's the cause behind it.

--

"It's my birthday tomorrow," Naomi says one morning.

"Fuck off," Katie says, taking a sip of her hot coffee and wincing as it burns her tongue a bit.

Naomi pulls out a packet of gum and pops a piece in her mouth and its annoying how she chews gum but Katie knows it's her way of keeping from smoking and since the smacking is preferable to lung cancer, she puts up with it.

"Yeah, tomorrow."

"Let's have a party," Katie says excitedly, already planning in her mind, even though 24 hours isn't much warning.

"No," Naomi says flatly, "I hate birthday parties. They're stupid."

"Yeah but you'll be 18, it's a fucking milestone, you have to celebrate."

Naomi shrugs, "You're really my only friend. Everyone else would be just people there, people I don't care about."

Katie smiles to herself, "Well I'll come round and we'll do something, just the two of us."

Naomi glances over at her with such warmth in her eyes that Katie just _can't_ breathe so she breaks the gaze and looks out over all the kids trickling into the school. Feels Naomi rest a hand on her arm, "Guess we'd better go too."

Yeah, something has to break soon. She just hopes it doesn't break _them_.

--

For her birthday, Naomi's mum actually gives her a fucking _car_. Sure it doesn't really have a _colour__,_ per say, unless rust is considered a colour. But still it's a car and so just unexpected that Naomi actually gives her mum a hug. It's a brief hug but Naomi hears Gina whisper in her ear, "That car just paid for itself."

Naomi pulls away because of course her mum would say something overly sentimental like that and of course Naomi's eyes would sort of tear up just a bit because despite how much of a cow she sometimes thinks her mum is—the truth is at the end of the day they're all each other has.

She sends Katie a quick text. _OMG It's a fukn car!_

Katie's reply is quick because she never lets her phone out of her sight. _I h8 u! cumin over right now!_

--

Upon arrival Katie declares the car, "The ugliest piece of shit that I've ever seen" but then immediately follows with, "You have to show me how to drive it."

And Naomi smiles because, maybe they can just _be_. Just for the day. Maybe she can just be happy.

--

They head out to the country because the idea of Katie driving around other cars is extremely scary to Naomi even though Katie protests, "I'm like a good driver okay? Just haven't had that much practice with a manual. Like cut me a fucking break and stop rolling your eyes, it makes you look like a petulant cow."

Naomi speeds along straight city roads until they gently dissolve into woods, fields, and curves. They're blasting songs from Lady Gaga which was _obviously _Katie's choice. Naomi hadn't even been expecting the radio to function but it actually has a tape deck and Kieran—in a fit of "I might be her stepdad one day better be nice to her now"—bought her an Ipod adapter.

She watches Katie out of the corner of her eye because she's obviously having some sort of daydream where she's Lady Gaga, complete with singing the lyrics, hand motions, and hip rolls which shouldn't even be possible when sitting in a car but there it is. Usually Naomi hates obnoxious singing—and that's exactly what this is—wishes that people could just sit in silence when they don't have anything worthwhile to say but watching Katie's bouncing and the way she'll occasionally lean over and say a line of the lyrics looking into Naomi's blank face, like Katie's actually talking to her—well for some reason its on the lesser side of annoying, sort of well _cute_, Naomi thinks with a wince because words like _cute_ and Katie Fitch don't usually go together even when Katie is asking her to, "play a love game".

--

They get out sort of near Gobbler's End, which is definitely in the middle of fucking nowhere and as they pass the gas station where they ran into those poachers last time, Naomi turns to Katie and asks, "You alright with being out here? Like…does it remind you?" She doesn't finish the question…doesn't have to.

Katie goes still and murmurs, "You know, I thought it would but…I think I'm ok. Let's just not going into the woods yeah?"

Naomi smiles over at Katie, "Yeah, of course."

"Thanks for caring." Naomi hears long moments later when she's in the middle of shifting gears. Without looking she says,

"Anytime Katiekins."

--

"Fuck me up the ass with something sharp and pointy!" Naomi places her hand over her chest, feeling like her heart could just like jump right through the skin at any moment. Even though they've been stopped for about a minute now, she can just now begin to think, talk, and count limbs and such.

Katie—even with shaky hands—huffs and says, "Oh fuck you, it wasn't that bad."

Naomi just looks over at Katie studiously, "Katie…we almost hit a fucking cow."

"Yeah, well we missed it didn't we? Fucking thing shouldn't be like on the side of the road anyways."

"The cow was in the middle of a field which we were in because you swerved to miss a tree that—and I quote—'jumped out in front of you'"

Katie crosses her arms over her chest and actually like fucking _pouts_. "Yeah well…they should have like a warning or something that a tree is going to be, you know, near the road. Like _warning tree up ahead_ or something. It's just fucking dangerous."

Despite how close to death they both were Naomi feels a smile slide across her face, "A tree warning sign?"

Katie chances a look over at her and she fights a smile down too, "Well, yeah, just makes sense don't it?"

Then somewhere off to the side of the car, the cow _moos_ and Naomi and Katie dissolve into laughter.

--

They eat lunch in a field, in fact it's the one where Effy "stopped to have a wee" but it was actually where she called the ambulance to come get Katie. Naomi doesn't tell Katie but chooses to think its kind of poetic, bringing Katie to the spot where her life was saved and she didn't even know it—truth is, Naomi just wants to remember that Katie was found because then that reminds Naomi that at one point Katie was lost.

Naomi unpacks her bag, pulling out the sandwiches and the crisps to which Katie wrinkles her nose and pronounces, "Too much oil."

Naomi works hard at not erupting in laughter because her last discussion of "oil" was with a very different Fitch sister and in a completely different context. She prepares herself for the wave of sadness that usually washes over her when thinking about a happy moment with Emily but for the first time--it never comes.

Katie leans over and peers in the bag, "Did you even like think of me at all while packing this? Bacon sandwiches, Naomi? I didn't get this fit by eating bacon sandwiches."

Naomi's smile falters, "I'm sure you could eat rashers of bacon for every meal and still be lovely."

Katie sits back on her heels and for a second she forgets to be cocky and self assured because Naomi Campbell just called her like _lovely_ and her cheeks turn feel a bit hot and she can just tell she's blushing so she coughs like that'll cover it up _at all_.

And that blush…that's what breaks them in the end. Something so simple. Something so small.

Naomi leans forward, tips onto her knees, has to use her hands to brace herself.

She kisses Katie. Feels her chest tighten as lips slide against hers so fucking hesitant and scared that she sighs into them. Katie makes a strangled noise back in her throat and her hands grip Naomi's shoulders and Naomi feels like she's about to be pushed away but instead fingers grip her arms, tightly and Katie's lips part ever so hesitantly. Naomi leaves one hand bracing herself and brings the other up to cup Katie's face as she kisses her slowly and surely. And her heart is thudding, fast—so fucking fast. And Katie's cheek is soft beneath her fingertips and when her tongue touches Katie's she feels Katie start and then she pushes Naomi back slowly.

Naomi leans back, flushed and barely breathing and Katie is staring at the ground, cupping her chest with one hand and Naomi sees her other hand is shaking.

"You shouldn't have done that," Katie says and fuck it sounds like she's close to crying. Katie lifts her eyes and meets Naomi's.

"Christ Naomi, you really shouldn't have _done_ that."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**A/N: Now I'd know we'd all love for Katie to just give in and have some nice, hot Katomi smexy times to take place in that field but…sorry gang, tisn't realistic**

"_Christ Naomi, you really shouldn't have done that."_

Naomi takes in a shaky breath, trying desperately to get her heart to stop pattering alarmingly.

"Katie, I…" she starts to say but Katie interrupts her.

"I want to go home."

Naomi looks up sharply, desperately wishing that she could find something to hope for, there glimmering in Katie's eyes but instead Katie breaks away and looks at the ground. She picks a bit at the dirt with her fingernail and it's so unlike _Katie _that it makes Noami realize how badly she's fucked up.

Katie swallows hard but doesn't change her tone when she says again, softer this time, "I want to go home."

Naomi bites her bottom lip and stares off into the field, telling herself that crying right now is not a fucking option. If she could just explain, if she could just verbalize everything that has been broiling underneath the surface of her skin for weeks now, maybe then…maybe everything could be alright. She tries again, "I just wanted to…"

Katie reaches over and grabs her hand and Naomi brightens for a second thinking—_well that's something_—but then Katie digs her nails a little to sharply into the back of Naomi's hand and looks up at her with wide, brown and seriously gutted eyes. "Please…don't, Naomi. Just…Just take me home."

Katie pulls her hand back slowly and looks so _ashamed_ of something that Naomi swallows hard but it doesn't quite get rid of the grief that's welling up in her throat. She gets up stiffly and bids her feet to somehow carry her to the car. Naomi grits her teeth and balls her hands into fists as she slowly moves. She feels a hot tear slide down her cheek and she swipes it away angrily.

"Fuck," she hears Katie breathe softly behind her and then hears her get to her feet as well and follow her silently towards the car.

--

They ride in silence and Katie leans her forehead against the cool window and watches as trees, grass, and houses blur together.

--

When they pull up outside the Fitch household, Naomi reaches with a shaking hand and removes the keys from the ignition.

She leans forward, resting her forehead against the cool steering wheel and takes a deep shuddering breath. Naomi just wants Katie to say _something_, something that would make this ok, something that would make this the best birthday ever but she knows deep down its likely to be something that'll end up making it the worst.

"It'll probably rain today," Katie says softly next to her and it's the least significant thing that Naomi can think of hearing right now so she looks over at Katie, watches her profile as her jaw clenches and she finally turns away from the window and looks Naomi in the eyes.

"Katie please…" Naomi croaks and her voice is so hoarse, so fucking hoarse.

"What the fuck were you thinking," Katie asks and she wipes her eyes with the back of her hand but she's not crying, "I mean…really? What the _fuck_ were you thinking?"

Naomi shakes her head and stares down at her hands.

"We're not like...fucking dolls or something, Naomi. Just because one of us didn't work, you can't like just go to the shops and swap her out for another one."

With that Naomi jerks her head up sharply, "No, Katie. This isn't about Emily—its just not."

Katie shakes her head quickly and glares at Naomi, "It _has_ to be, okay? In case you missed it, she's my fucking twin and you're…you _were_ her girlfriend. You're confused and for Christ sakes you're my best mate. Do you realize what position you've put me in?"

Feeling a pattering in her chest that surely isn't healthy Naomi sputters out, "No, please don't say that we can't…"

Katie interrupts her, "Look, I'm not sure where we stand, okay? I need—I need time. I need time to figure this out."

She fumbles with the door and Naomi wants to reach out and just grab her and make her fucking _stop_ because this isn't happen. She isn't about to lose this. A harsh sob escapes Naomi's throat and Katie turns just as the door opens. Something soft finally touches her brown eyes when she looks at Naomi and her mouth twitches up and then down again, "I'll—Naomi, I _will_ call you. We will talk about this."

Naomi nods because really what else _can_ she do and Katie gives her one more lengthy gaze that's all mixed up in guilt and sadness and something else Naomi can't quite put her finger on.

The door shuts rather hard and even if Katie didn't mean for it to, Naomi can't help but hear the air of finality in it and as her eyes fill up with tears and she struggles to put the keys back in the ignition, something inside her snaps and she lets the keys drop to the floor as she rests her head on the steering wheel and begins to sob.

--

Three days can feel like an eternity Katie realizes. And she can't forget about it. Can't forget about how soft Naomi's lips were against hers, like a question or a gentle insinuation.

Emily comes in the room on the third day and takes one long look at Katie just sitting on her bed watching shit telly.

"Have you two fought again," she asks and then sits down to take off her shoes, unaware of the complete and utter fucking drama surrounding that situation.

Katie stares down at her hands and Naomi had been so warm through her sweater as Katie had gripped her shoulders, meaning to push away but ending up gripping and pulling and wanting…

"Katie," Emily interrupts and thank fuck because Katie has been going _there_ entirely too much for someone who supposedly only likes cock.

"Yeah," she says her voice hoarse, "We fought."

--

_She said she needs time_, Naomi tells herself for the hundredth time and forces herself to put the phone down. Then she picks it up again because right now she needs to get out of this fucking house and out of her head.

The rough, "Lo?" on the other end sounds half asleep.

"I need you," she says haltingly, "need to talk to you."

A soft chuckle on the other end makes her smile for the first time in what feels like forever

--

"You did fucking what?!" Cook's voice echoes loudly in her ears and Naomi gestures for yet another drink.

Cook puts a rough hand on her shoulder and jerks her around to face him, "Seriously, Naomikins? What were you thinkin' babes?"

"I wasn't," Naomi mumbles miserably and takes yet another shot of vodka, wincing as it slides down her throat.

"Fuckin' hell, girl." Cook rubs his palm across his forehead and then sucks his teeth as if thinking over a problem that could actually be solved, "What are you gonna do now?"

Shaking her head, Naomi looks down at the faded wood of the bar in Uncle Keith's pub, "Nothing I can do. Just give her space, I suppose."

"No, no, no," Cook says with a shake of his head, "That's the last thing you do when you want to get some bird's attention."

"Yeah but, she asked me to leave her alone."

"Honestly babes, trust the Cookiemonster on this one. The more time you leave her alone the more time she has to convince herself the whole thing was a mistake—the more time she has to forget about it—about you."

Naomi nods slowly along with his distorted logic that after about five shots is starting to make a weird sort of sense.

"Be ever present," he says while sliding another drink towards Naomi, "Be around her all the fucking time. Be an annoying tit if you have to but don't let her forget about you."

--

Katie opens the door and _thank fuck_ it's not Emily because Naomi can never remember being this nervous in her entire life.

She hears a quick intake of breath and sees Katie bite her lip, "Naomi---what the fuck?"

Naomi takes a step forward, closer to Katie and she grips the doorframe, putting her foot slightly inside just in case Katie decides to close it in her face. "It wasn't a mistake," she gasps out and sees Katie flinch like she's slapped her but she continues anyways because this needs to be said, "and it wasn't about Emily. It was about _you_. You and me. And you know it and you're scared but I'm scared too but Katie—you _know_."

Katie sighs and releases a deep breath in a shudder that wracks her entire body, "I said I needed time to think about all this. I said I'd call you, not that you'd show up on my doorstep and make half-assed…"

"Yeah, you said you needed time," Naomi interrupts and takes another step closer.

Katie feels trapped and when Naomi is looking at her with those fucking _eyes_ and--blue, all she can think is blue.

She closes her eyes, "So…why? Why are you here?" Katie knows she sounds broken and she hates that she has to swallow deeply after that sentence and then again when she feels Naomi step closer still.

"Because," Naomi says and reaches out to touch Katie's cheek which makes her eyes fly open and Naomi smiles softly, "Because I'm not going to let you forget me."

Then she leans forward and Katie resist for about a fucking millisecond because who…who could ever resist this?

She grips the back of Naomi's neck and pulls her in, fingers tangling in soft blonde hair and it probably hurts but—fuck it—because she needs this. She does and she's too tired and lonely and upset to fucking fight it anymore.

Naomi stumbles forward slightly at the rate which Katie pulls her forward but she wraps her arms around Katie's waist and bends her head, sliding their lips past each others again and again and fuck—she's groaning and making strangled sounds back in her throat but…more, god _more_.

Somehow they stumble further into the house and Naomi kicks the door shut with the heel of her foot and somewhere deep inside she thinks that she deserves a fucking medal of some sort for being able to remember to do that much because with the way Katie's gripping her and the way her tongue is…_oh god_.

"Fuck," Katie gasps right before her back hits the wall and Naomi's on her, pushing against her roughly and her teeth nip Katie's bottom lip right before she slides away entirely and starts kissing haphazardly down Katie's neck.

"Oh _god_, Naomi," Katie manages, tipping her head back.

Naomi makes some sort of noise against her skin which sounds like a murmur of approval and the hum stirs something deep in Katie's stomach and it's so sudden and so fucking _startling_ that she gently pushes at Naomi's shoulders. At first Naomi doesn't respond, just keeps sucking on her neck and Katie has to work hard at not just gripping the collar of her shirt and letting her. But instead she pushes again and whispers, "Naomi, _Christ…fucking stop_."

When Naomi finally disengages she's got a faraway look in her eyes, like she's just been woken up from a particularly nice dream and at first she doesn't move, just stays next to Katie. Arms still wrapped around her waist and their breath mingling softly in the hallway.

Katie watches her, waiting for some sort of reaction, something to tell her where the _fuck_ this is going.

She's totally unprepared for Naomi's face breaking into a hug grin that just makes something inside her like _melt_.

"We're totally fucked aren't we," Naomi asks

But she's still smiling, the stupid idiot, so Katie rolls her eyes and says, "God, you're such a fucking twat."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

"Katie," Naomi says softly, her breath still coming in shallow pants, "uh…."

Katie tilts her head back until it connects with the wall and she's staring up at the white ceiling, "Yeah, what is it?"

When she looks back down, Naomi is running a hand through her hair and is smiling shakily at Katie, "I know…we need to talk about, you know, stuff. But I thought before we did, I'd just say—wow, you know?"

Katie tries, she honestly fucking tries but despite herself, the corners of her mouth quirk up into a small smile and she's sees it echoed on Naomi's face.

"God, you're fucking incorrigible you know that?"

Naomi snorts and ducks her head close to Katie's, "You know you wouldn't have it any other way."

Katie swallows and looks down at the floor because Naomi is again much to close and her lips are right there and just a few seconds ago they were snogging the shit out of each other so this is….its just too _much_.

Naomi sighs and slowly bends away, "We do need to talk, don't we?"

Katie looks at the clock hanging in the entranceway, "Yeah we do, I think but Mum is going to be home in about fifteen minutes so…"

Naomi reaches down and touches the back of Katie's hand with one finger, she braces herself for Katie to flinch away and thanks fuck when she doesn't, "Katie, look. I know this is awkward and probably really scary. Hell it's scary for me too but I'm not going to let you, push this away or whatever. Let's just like, go for a walk or something. Sort this out properly?"

Katie sighs deeply and runs her fingers through her hair quickly. Naomi holds her breath.

"Yeah."

Naomi can't help that she sounds a bit disbelieving as she says, "Yeah?"

Katie rolls her eyes, "What are you, a fucking parrot? I said yes, okay? Just let me get my coat."

Naomi watches Katie's small form as it disappears up the stairs and works very, very hard at not doing some sort of happy dance right there in the Fitch hallway. She keeps it in but just barely.

--

They walk quietly through the park and it's the most awkward it's ever been. Usually there's something to gripe about, bitch about, laugh about, or just Katie blathering nonsensically but this time there's that big fucking elephant just waiting to pop out and say hi.

Naomi starts to regret the walk idea. Starts to regret the whole thing actually, how stupid was she, just popping up at Katie's door like that? But then again, Katie has that weird ability to make her act like a crazy person. It's actually very frightening. This loss of control.

"So," Katie says, startling Naomi a bit, "how far are we actually going because some of us are wearing heels."

Naomi glances down at Katie's feet for some inane reason. Of course Katie is wearing heels, she always is. Naomi rolls her eyes though, "Why didn't you change into some trainers or something? You knew we were going for a walk which implies…you know? Walking?"

Katie stops and looks at her as if she's got two heads, "Trainers?"

"Yes, Katie…trainers as in shoes infinitely more comfortable than heels?"

"God you are such a bitch sometimes," Katie says and Naomi frowns a bit when she realizes Katie is only halfway kidding.

"Katie," Naomi starts but gets interrupted.

"How can you possibly think this can work," Katie says quietly and wraps her short arms around herself.

Naomi reaches out and touches Katie's arm briefly, "Because it _can_."

"We annoy the fuck out of each other ninety-nine percent of the time, Naomi! I hate the way you dress. You used to call me a bitch like every single day. And, lets not forget this one, you dated my sister."

With a sigh, Naomi steps close to Katie, "Yeah, you're right about all of those things actually."

Katie shakes her head briefly, "Then how can you show up on my fucking doorstep and _do_ this to me?"

Naomi bends down so swiftly Katie doesn't have time to react. This time it isn't hurried. It doesn't feel like a precursor to fucking. It's slow and gentle and Naomi can feel Katie let out a sigh when she traces her bottom lip with her tongue. It's a challenge then, to not just pull Katie straight into her arms and start snogging her properly in full view of everyone. Instead Naomi disengages gently and leans back. She takes a quick look around but the closest person is an old man feeding some pigeons on a bench and he's actually so still he could be dead for all she knows.

Immediately Katie looks around too, the tips of her ears growing a bit pink, "In the fucking park, Naomi? In _public_?"

"Sorry," Naomi says out of habit but then again, Katie hadn't pulled away. "Actually I'm not sorry. I can't be for that." She crosses her arms like it's a challenge and sees Katie trying to stare her down.

"I'm not ready for this," Katie says after a few moments, "this is just weird and wrong."

Naomi shakes her head swiftly, "And totally fucking right. You feel it too don't you? And don't even try to deny it. No completely straight girl who looks at me as a friend would kiss the way you do."

Katie sighs and it sounds incredibly sad for some reason, "Why does everything have to be so fucking hard?"

Naomi wants to tell her it doesn't have to be, if she'll just _let _them _be_ and then maybe everything wouldn't be hard, maybe it would be fucking fantastic. Instead she settles on, "Look I'm not asking for much here, okay? I'm not like proposing and saying we should move in together. All I'm asking for is for you to have an open mind, okay?"

Katie looks up at her and Naomi sees that somehow, someway, what she's saying is making up Katie's mind, one way or the other. "You are asking a lot, you know," Katie says, "She's my fucking sister, Naomi. Think about what this would do to her."

"So we won't tell her at first," Naomi offers a bit stupidly. Anything to get that look back in Katie's eyes, the one she had right after they stopped kissing. The one that was shocked but also full of wonder.

"Dunno, Naomi," Katie says while biting her lip. Naomi reaches over and touches her hair, just once before pulling her hand back.

"Sorry, I know we're in public."

Katie closes her eyes for a brief moment that actually seems like forever. When she finally opens them again she says, "I'll keep an open mind or whatever. We'll just…like…have fun, see where it goes yeah? But if you fucking hurt me, I'll kill you and then bring you back and like…kill you again, okay?"

Naomi can't help herself. She reaches forward and pulls Katie into a crushing hug. Katie grunts but then hesitantly wraps her arms around Naomi as well.

"Deal," Naomi says and Katie softens a bit more.

--

The parting is awkward. Emily is home…so is the head Fitch bitch and Naomi wants to be anywhere else.

Instead when Katie trails her hand lightly down Naomi's arm with a smile before walking into her house, then Naomi realizes. She'll face them all if she has to. It's a scary thought but for some reason this seems like something that should be _hers_, something that she'll fight for.

--

She shows up the next morning to walk with Katie, wonders if she's doing the right thing. Katie rushes out the front door, pulling on her jacket with a, "fuck," when she trips.

Katie looks shocked to see her but she smiles a bit hesitantly.

Naomi grins back at her and stands up, brushing off her skirt, "Thought we could get that coffee together, for once."

When Katie's eyes soften and Naomi's heart just _stops_, she congratulates herself on actually having done something right for once.

--

They walk together through the halls most days. Lightly brushing every few steps and Naomi clenches her hands at her sides.

Once she takes Katie's books from her hands before she even realizes what a _girlfriend_ thing to do. But Katie snatches them back with something like panic in her face and when they walk down the hallway that day there's several feet of space between them.

--

It doesn't all come easy, Naomi learns a few days later when they're at her house and Katie's listening to the radio and flipping through a magazine. She's sprawled across Naomi's bed and her feet her crossed behind her, swaying a bit to the music. Naomi sets down the tea she'd been bringing up and crouches in front of the bed. Katie sets the magazine down and stares at her with wide eyes.

Naomi puts her hand on Katie's cheek and leans in slowly, biting her lip because she wants this so, _so_ much. At the last second Katie turns her head and Naomi's lips land awkwardly on her cheek.

"I'm not ready," Katie says and Naomi sucks in a sharp breath before leaning away.

"It's fine," Naomi says, clearing her throat and sitting back on her heels.

"Fine," she says again long moments later when she sits down at her desk with a cup of tea and tries to ignore the way Katie's eyes seem to be boring into her back.

--

They're eating lunch together in Naomi's back yard. Sitting on a blanket and Naomi's feet are dangling off the edge and the grass is tickling the back of her calves. She puts down the sandwich Katie made her and lies back, looking up at the clouds.

Its ridiculous how little it takes but when Katie lays down next to her, settling in so their bare arms are touching, Naomi has to tell herself for the millionth fucking time to be patient.

Naomi's thinking so hard about _not_ reaching for Katie, she almost misses when Katie slides her hand down to tangle with Naomi's fingers. She squeezes them twice and laughs when Naomi turns to look at her in wonder and then down at their hands.

"This is all well scary," Katie says but she's smiling and something in Naomi's chest lifts and settles because for some reason she knows that somehow, they're going to make it through.

She quickly leans over and kisses Katie's cheek.

"We'll figure it out," she says, settling back down, resting her head near Katie's. _Hopefully in this century_, Naomi adds in her head but she's not dumb enough to say it out loud. Even if she fancies Katie, Naomi can't say she fancies her anger and she's not looking to get her head kicked in.

--

"Dunno how I'm going to hack it any longer," Naomi says miserably, gripping the beer that Cook bought her out of like…consolation.

He slaps her back roughly, almost knocking her off the bloody stool, "Hang in there, Naomikins. Girls like Katie are tough to get but in the end they're usually well worth the effort. Fuck me, bet she bangs like a rabbit." He sucks his teeth appreciatively and with such a pervy grin on his face that Naomi punches him in the arm.

"Oi! What was that for," he asks, rubbing it and looking at her like she's Judas.

"For perving over my sort-of girlfriend," she says and then ends up buying him a shot of vodka just to get the pouty look of his face.

--

It ends up being a rather pedestrian moment all in all. They're in the kitchen, doing dishes and something devious or twattish takes Naomi over for a second.

She looks over at Katie who's innocently drying next to her and in one motion scoops up a handful of bubbles and flings it over her

A good bit of water lands on her as well and Katie backs away from Naomi rather quickly, sputtering, "What? What the fuck?"

Naomi puts her hand over her mouth and leans back on the counter and really, _honestly_ tries not to laugh but she can't help it.

Katie wipes at her hair, pushing the wet strands back from her forehead, "What the fuck, babes? You think this is funny?"

"It is kind of," Naomi says, biting her lip, trying to keep the laughter in a bit more.

She kind of halfway expects Katie to flip out on her, cuss her out. The old Katie might've but instead Katie shakes her head exasperatedly, "I'd be careful if I were you, never know when I'm going to get you back."

Naomi rolls her eyes, "Oh yeah, I'm obviously petrified."

Katie walks towards her quickly, putting her hands out and they grip Naomi's hips, pushing her back until she hits the counter. Naomi inhales in a sharp gasp when Katie leans forward until their noses are touching and her lips are just _right there_.

"God, you really are such a twat," Katie sighs out but the way she says it, something inside Naomi melts.

"Katie," she says and her voice cracks a bit, "If you still don't want to, you'd better move away right now because…"

Katie interrupts her in the best way possible and Naomi's arms wrap automatically around her back, pulling her closer. _This is going to be the end of me,_ Naomi thinks as Katie kisses her softly, hesitantly, almost like she's scared. Naomi tries to not surge forward, tries to not scare her off. And then Naomi can't help but groan as Katie takes her bottom lip in between her teeth and tugs on it briefly.

Naomi feels Katie's fingers tighten on her hips when their tongues touch and Naomi slides her hands down until they're resting on Katie's lower back and they're kissing endlessly and when Katie finally pulls away to take a breath, Naomi follows her, initiating another kiss and then another until it doesn't ever seem like one ended and one began.

Katie finally breaks away but doesn't go far. She rests her head on Naomi's shoulder, still breathing a bit heavily. Naomi brings her hands back up and strokes Katie's back slowly, soothingly. "See now why I think this could work," Naomi asks a bit haltingly because she still can't quite breathe properly.

"This would be a whole lot easier if you weren't so lovely about the whole thing," Katie murmurs into her shoulder and then sighs out, "This is all a bit of a surprise, you understand?"

Naomi nods, knowing Katie will be able to feel it.

They break apart reluctantly a few moments later and go back to doing dishes but every once in a while, Katie will look over at her and out of the corner of her eye Naomi will see a small smile tug at her lips.

--

Naomi's walking Katie home from college a few days later and finally clues in to the fact that Katie's pissed about _something_ because she's not been jabbering away like she usually does.

"Katie," Naomi asks and stops, grabbing her arm. Katie whirls on her and she's rolling her eyes so Naomi's a bit taken aback.

"What's wrong," she asks, praying to God the answer won't be: _"You"_.

Katie taps her heel on the concrete and narrows her eyes at Naomi, "You're in this, yeah? Like properly?"

Naomi shakes her head out of confusion, "What the fuck? Of course I am. I've been jumping through bloody hoops trying to convince you."

"Don't you dare fuck with me, Naomi Campbell."

"Katie, why the fuck are you acting like this?"

Katie shakes her head swiftly, "Just like…promise me okay? Promise me I'm not risking everything for nothing. If this turns out to be some sort of…fling for you or whatever the fuck else…"

Naomi interrupts her furiously, "Of course I want to be with you, if you'd actually let me! I feel like I'm walking on eggshells here, Katie. One wrong step and you'll cut me off and I'm not even sure if you even want a relationship."

Katie looks around quickly and confused, Naomi turns her head to follow Katie's gaze, so she's surprised when Katie reaches forward and tugs her close.

Katie kisses Naomi briefly on the lips but it's searing and slightly possessive and not all together chaste by the way Katie has to lip her lips afterwards.

She pulls away before Naomi really has time to react, so she's left feeling extremely dazed but she smiles none the less because well…she's only human and she can't deny, kissing Katie in any capacity is always extremely hot.

"I'm in," Katie says quickly and her ears turn red but she starts walking before Naomi even has time to process what she's said.

She has to jog a bit to catch up after her mind has finally rebooted. Naomi can't keep the grin off her face and she catches Katie smiling out of the corner of her eye.

"But still," Katie says, "Don't think this means you can get lazy. And for fucks sake, you need to like compliment me sometimes and you might want to like take me out on a date or buy me something nice once in a while."

"Okay, Katie," Naomi says, "I'll take that into consideration."

Fifteen minutes later, Naomi says softly, "You look very fuckable today by the way."

Katie rolls her eyes, "Oh God, can I please take back what I said?"

"Nope, you can't," Naomi says and she realizes that she's sort of ridiculously happy. _That's another one_, she thinks.

When they reach Katie's house, Naomi reaches out and touches Katie's hair, her cheek, the corner of her mouth, "You make me happy," she says softly, "will that do as a compliment?"

"It's a start," Katie says, smiling back almost goofily.

Naomi watches her open the door to her house and before she slides inside, Katie turns around and gives her a quick grin and a wave of her hand and Naomi's heart seems to just _swell_.

_Yeah,_ she thinks later while she's walking home,_ it's a start._


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Katie feels sometimes like she might tear in half. Like she's walking the middle of a fence and sooner or later, she'll lose her balance and tip over the side. She'll fall down.

--

The feeling grows when she finally snogs Naomi for the first time--like properly-- because its her that initiates it and its not just Naomi surprising the hell out of her with a kiss, no, this time its Katie that shoves Naomi right into the counter.

And _God_, it should really be doing her head in. The fact that Naomi's lips are like _so_ soft and they press so gently. And its nice that Naomi doesn't automatically just shove her tongue into Katie's mouth, no she bites gently at Katie's bottom lip and when her tongue does slide in, its tender and when they break apart for some air, Katie just sighs and leans her head on Naomi's shoulder. Somehow this isn't how Katie expected Naomi would be about all this. Because really she's been lovely and given Katie time to figure out what she wants and Naomi also isn't like pushing for anything.

_It would make things easier_, Katie thinks,_ if Naomi hadn't shown like a softer side._ Because as far as she can tell, Naomi's little bitchy comments and quirks have stopped being something incredibly annoying, they've started to become funny or endearing. And Naomi in a relationship seems to be an entirely different creature. One that looks at her lovingly and touches her hand and tries to carry her books. She's still _Naomi_ but…Katie is having less and less of a problem with that these days.

--

Most days Katie goes over Naomi's after school and they just…sort of hang out together and its almost like it was before but some things do change.

For example, now instead of staying on her side of the couch, Katie sort of curls against Naomi's side and feels ridiculously comfortable. And it only makes her smile wider when Naomi kisses the top of her head and wraps a long arm around her.

It should feel more wrong that Naomi's a girl but somehow she sort of fits into this _other_ category where she's _Naomi_ so that's alright then.

At least that's what Katie thinks when Naomi usually leans in to kiss her goodbye. Something that always ends up being more than just a goodbye kiss these days but it doesn't stop Katie from clutching Naomi's collar and sighing when Naomi pushes her against the wall and says, "Stay just a few more minutes? I know you need to get home but…"

Its really quite fucking lovely…all of it, Katie always thinks on her way home. Feet almost floating, stomach still tight as she remembers the feel of Naomi's lips and her long fingers that stroke Katie's back through her shirt.

--

Sometimes things do get awkward though.

After a particularly long cuddle, Naomi turns and kisses her long and hard on the sofa and Katie sighs into her mouth.

Then Naomi puts her hand on Katie's shoulder and suddenly they're laying tangled up in each other and Katie fuzzily realizes that it might be getting out of control as Naomi palms her tit rather roughly but then exhales, "Fuck," in Katie's ear.

Katie without really knowing what she's doing, just wanting to get _closer_, wraps her legs around Naomi and then really groans out as Naomi rocks her hips just a bit and it feels _so_ good.

"Katie," Naomi groans and kisses her again and it's such a fucking filthy kiss, rough and full of need.

_I'm getting swept away_, Katie thinks because it's really hard to think when Naomi is thumbing over Katie's nipple through her shirt like _that_. And its so fucking retarded that Naomi can make her feel this way, so she's losing control and can't breathe and like she might die if someone—Naomi—doesn't take care of that warmth in her stomach at some point.

Katie barely registers Naomi's fingers pushing up her shirt and dipping low on her stomach, hovering near the waistband of her skirt.

And she wants to angle up and tell Naomi to _please _just fuck her. But its so scary, that thought.

Katie shoves Naomi away and they both sit heaving slightly for breath, looking at each other. Naomi looks a bit wild, lips red, blonde hair strewn every fucking where.

"I'm not ready for that," Katie says when she can finally talk.

Naomi nods and clears her throat and Katie can see her hands are shaking a bit, "Yeah…of course, whenever you're ready."

They don't really touch until Katie is about to leave and then Naomi leans down and pecks her lightly on the mouth.

Katie balls her hands into fists because she's still so fucking on edge and horny she doesn't really know if she'll be able to stop herself from reaching for Naomi and pulling her in.

--

Emily seems rather unhappy these days and Katie feels just a tad bit guiltier than she already did because Katie is actually sort of…happy and its Emily's ex-girlfriend that's doing it.

"Wanna go shopping," Katie asks, hovering in the doorway, looking at Emily who's just morosely listening to some shit on her ipod and its been days since Emily properly went out.

Emily glances up and takes out one of her ear buds, "What?"

Katie rolls her eyes and steps further into the room, "I said…do you want to go shopping or something, like get out of the house?"

Emily narrows her eyes like Katie's got some sort of hidden agenda and it kind of hurts because all she's trying to do is help and Emily doesn't even really trust her to do that.

"God, I just…need new clothes, okay? Don't get all defensive about it," Katie crosses her arms and really tries to look like she has nothing to hide and she realizes doing that is going to get a bit tiring.

Emily stares at her for a second and Katie feels like she's under investigation and its _sucks_ sometimes that they're twins, not because they have that mind link that some people stupidly ask if they have, but because after seventeen years of almost 24/7 contact, Emily just _knows_ her.

It seems like Ems might say something, ask her something but then her face just shifts into a grin and she asks, "The leopard print not working out for you anymore?"

Katie quickly gives her the finger, "Fuck you, coming or not?"

Emily sighs but gets off her bed and when she follows Katie out the door, Katie feels a weight lift just a bit off her chest. Maybe she can do this…care about them both; it doesn't necessarily mean she's betraying one or the other. She just doesn't know how she's ever going to get Emily to see that.

--

In the store, Emily picks out several plaid shirts to which Katie just rolls her eyes because—of fucking course.

They head into the dressing rooms together and since of course Katie's not prepared for this at all, Emily asks, "Is Naomi seeing someone?"

Katie stops putting on the top as its awkwardly right over her head but at least something is covering her face because it must look like an extreme combination of shock, horror, and probably guilt.

"Why…why do you ask that," Katie says through the material and struggles to make her voice sound even.

Emily sighs and reaches over and pulls the top down the rest of the way, obviously assuming Katie was having trouble, "That looks nice," Emily says absentmindedly before looking at Katie again, "I just…she seems, like happy or something these days."

Katie swallows and turns to look at herself in the mirror, "Is that a bad thing?"

She sees Emily's reflection shrug behind her and then look down at the floor, "No, its fine. I mean…I just kind of wanted to know."

Emily slides off the skirt she has on and while pulling up the next, Katie turns around to face her, "Ems," she says and waits until Emily has stopped fiddling with clothes and is looking at her.

"Yeah?"

"Why did you…why did you fuck around with Effy to begin with?"

Emily sighs, "Katie I've apologized for sleeping with the girl that hit you over the head with a rock about a million times."

Katie shakes her head sharply, "No, that's not what I mean. I mean like, you loved Naomi and she…you know, seemed to love you."

Emily fiddles around with the hem of her shirt and for just a split second she looks like the old Emily, unsure of herself.

"The thing with Naomi was…she loved me, I know she did but she wasn't…_in_ love with me you know? Like I wasn't _it_ for her. She would only let me in so far. Do you get what I mean?"

Katie thinks back to how Naomi quivered when their lips first touched and how Naomi was so unwilling to let her go. Because the Naomi that she's getting to know, seems to be giving everything she's got. However, Katie can't help but feel a bit of apprehension because if Naomi wasn't all there with Emily…who was supposed to be this like big epic love and everything, how badly exactly is she going to hurt Katie.

Emily puts her hand on Katie's arm, "Earth to Katie? Look, I'm just saying she was so good at running and I was tired of trying to catch her for half the time we were together. And even when I finally did catch her, I didn't really actually _have_ her."

Katie can't really breathe until Emily takes off her arm and turns back to the mirror.

"Ems, why do you want her back then?"

Emily stares at Katie in the mirror, "Because I'd like a chance to be that person, you know? The one that actually opens her up."

Out of nowhere, Katie feels like she might toss up and she quickly walks out of the room, sucks in deep breaths of air once she's in the white hallway. Her and Emily have always competed for everything, since they were little. This time it's different. Because this time Katie doesn't want to actually compete and for the first time she's not sure if she's the one that's going to win.

--

It's still bothering her later when she goes to Naomi's. Naomi opens the door with a wide smile, "Hey, didn't expect you til later."

Katie slides past her, "Yeah, whatever, Emily and I got done shopping early."

Naomi places her hand on the small of Katie's back and leans in close, "Well, I'm not complaining."

Feeling something still circling around in her stomach, Katie reaches up and grasps the back of Naomi's neck, jerking her down until their lips are firmly pressed together. She wastes no time sucking in Naomi's bottom lip and causing her to part her lips.

Naomi groans and wraps both arms around Katie's waist. They stumble awkwardly backwards until Katie's back hits the wall and it strikes Katie that for some reason they're always snogging in the hallway, as if they're scared about how far it might go if they're somewhere they could like…lay down.

Naomi disengages and kisses around Katie's jawbone until she bites down gently on Katie's earlobe and Katie hisses. Then Katie feels Naomi's hand come up and softly land itself on her tit.

Naomi leans away and bites her lip, looking unsure of herself and searching Katie's eyes to make sure its ok.

"No," Katie says and she sounds like she's crying and Naomi jerks herself away like she's been burned.

"Jesus, Katie, I mean…" Naomi trails off and backs even further away, leaning against the hallway on the opposite side.

"Don't make this all about sex," Katie says a bit angrily, "I didn't actually think I was dating like…a guy."

Naomi rolls her eyes, "I'm not making this all about sex you stupid twat, I just hate that you don't trust me with that part of you. I want you to be like fully in this relationship. It's not about sex at all. I know you're scared and everything…

"You don't know anything you arrogant little…" Katie trails off as Naomi lurches across the hallway and pushes her into the wall again.

Naomi leans in slowly and brushes her cheek against Katie's, trails her lips up Katie's neck, and then places them almost on Katie's lips and Katie wants to push back until they're properly kissing.

"Just say you want me, like properly want _me_." Naomi says breathlessly into her lips.

Katie feels a bit disgusted at how right Naomi is and about how much control Naomi has in this already so she shoves her back harshly, "Fuck you."

Naomi stumbles but shakes her head, all teasing gone, "I just want you to want me, Katie…that's all. This…being with me halfway, it isn't working. It's not enough."

With that she smiles sadly at Katie and walks out the front door even though it is her fucking house. Katie stands there a bit bewildered because _what the fuck just happened?_

She leaves after ten minutes of standing stupidly in the hallway and cries on her way home.

--

Naomi wakes up to the sound of her mobile ringing on the nightstand. Her hand reaches for it without her mind consciously registering how exceedingly late it is.

"-lo?"

"God not only are you obviously like the stupidest fucking person in the world but you're obviously deaf too, I've been ringing you for the past…"

"Katie," Naomi asks because _Jesus_ not only is she being yelled at when she's barely awake, she also sees that its 3:10 in the fucking _a.m._ and that's entirely too early.

"Who the fuck else?"

Naomi rubs her eyes with the back of her hand, struggling to properly wake up so she can piece together some of what's going on here, "Is something wrong or…"

"Well other than the fact that I've been standing out here for like the past fifteen fucking minutes trying to get you to answer your bloody phone…"

"Kay…you're outside?"

"Yes and its like fucking freezing out here so anytime you'd like to let me in would just be swell of you."

Naomi tosses aside the duvet and looks out the window to see that Katie is in fact standing outside her house, with one of her short arms wrapped around herself, and she's hopping from foot to foot like she's trying to keep warm.

"Yeah…I see you," Naomi says and Katie jerks her head up to look at her window. A small smile crosses Katie's face before she remembers she's pissed and just like _that_, Naomi is smiling too because no matter how ridiculous the situation is, Katie came to see her—the reason doesn't really matter.

"Right, I'm coming down, ok?"

"Bout fucking time," Katie gripes and hangs up the phone.

--

When she opens the door, a blast of cold air hits Naomi's bare legs and she shivers while Katie whips inside.

"Katie what are you doing here," Naomi hisses.

Katie rubs her arms up and down for a second before looking up, "I need to like, talk to you, okay?"

Naomi looks up at the empty and dark hallway and while her mother sleeps pretty hard, it might be best to take this to her room so they don't have to explain why Katie is standing in the hallway at like three in the morning. So Naomi reaches out and takes Katie's hand and leads her upstairs, wondering all the while _what the fuck is this about_?

As soon as she closes her bedroom door behind them, Katie shoves her back into it and before Naomi can really process what the fuck is happening, she's being snogged _senseless_ --and that's what it is really because every thought leaves her head as Katie wastes no time biting her bottom lip and tugging at it fiercely until she opens her mouth.

After that her whole world comes down to the little things. Like the way Katie's fingers are gripping her hips, bringing them closer than she would've ever deemed possible. The way Katie's tongue slides over hers and how each sigh she lets out feels like a breath that she'll _never_ get back because she can't even remember how to like fucking breathe anymore. Once the shock goes, Naomi realizes that she's been rather still so far so she reaches one hand up and tangles it in Katie's hair, stroking through it, pulling Katie closer and the other wraps itself around Katie's back—underneath her top, feeling how warm she is, how alive.

Just as suddenly as it's getting started Katie pushes herself away and when Naomi stupidly follows her mouth, Katie puts her hands on Naomi's shoulders and holds her at bay. They're both breathing incredibly hard, chests heaving.

Katie looks staggered at what just happened but she gathers herself up enough to say, "Don't _do _that again."

Naomi feels as if they're speaking different languages or something, "Uh…you kissed _me._"

"Not that," Katie says with a sigh, "Don't like say things like 'it's not enough' and then walk away and like I don't know what the fuck is going on with us, if there is still an us or you know whatever."

"Katie I'm still not sure…"

"Don't walk away from me," Katie says a bit desperately, "Don't…_leave_." Her voice cracks a bit on the word, "leave" and Naomi feels her heart clench.

Her voice is soft when she says, "Katie, I wasn't, you know, breaking up with you or anything. I was just voicing a general complaint of sorts."

Katie like shudders out a sigh and she says, "I do…okay? Like you've got to be the stupidest fucking person in the world if you think I don't but it's just…there's so much, Naomi. Like with you and my sister and then apparently you are just so _good_ at walking away, at least according to Emily and I'm just…I'm _scared._ But I…I want you, you silly cow, I haven't like bloody stopped since that day in the field when you almost fucked everything up and I…"

Katie trails off and Naomi can barely process everything that Katie's said but as soon as it does hit her, all she wants to do is just wrap Katie in the biggest hug ever. So she does. She pulls Katie forward, feels as Katie sighs into her and wraps her arms around Naomi's back. Katie's head tucks perfectly underneath Naomi's and Naomi feels Katie suck in a deep breath and then say, "Jesus, you're too fucking tall."

Naomi laughs, doesn't feel offended in the slightest, and kisses Katie on the top of her head before she can stop herself because it's just so overly sappy she wouldn't normally. Katie's arms tighten around her for a second and then she says, "Naomi we still need to like talk about stuff but I'm just so tired of worrying about all this. Can we just let it be for the moment?"

Naomi pulls back from their hug and ducks her head so she can look into Katie's eyes which have shadows underneath them that shows just how tired Katie is, "Katie, everything is," she pauses because she still doesn't really know what everything is but then tells the truth, "We're…we're gonna be fine." And they will because if this is _how much_ Katie cares, then there is hope for the future.

Katie smiles and kisses her lightly on the lips but then darts away before Naomi can deepen it, "I suppose I'd better get home so we can both sleep, I mean, I imagine you were sleeping before I woke you up like a twat at three in the morning."

Before she can walk away though, Naomi grips her wrist loosely, "Stay."

Katie looks a bit taken aback by the suggestion, "What about your mum?"

"Don't care."

"What about my mum? Or Emily?"

"Don't care. Really don't care," Naomi smiles, "I want you to stay with me."

Katie gives a brief nod and Naomi's chest feels ten pounds lighter.

--

Katie changes into some of Naomi's clothes only after saying, "Like turn around, okay? I know I'm fit but if we're going to get any sleep…"

She trails off but Naomi turns around as commanded and smiles the whole time because Katie like _suggested_ that something could've happened which means she was thinking about it which means she's not adverse to the idea of sex with girls—more specifically Naomi.

--

They lay there stiff as boards for a few minutes until Katie says nervously, "I've never, like slept in a bed with the person I'm dating…I mean after fucking or whatever…well whatever I've never slept with anyone is what I'm saying."

Naomi smiles at how Katie can be nervous about just _this_ but just says, "Yeah, well it's not the virginity I would've liked to take but I suppose popping your 'actually sleeping with someone instead of just fucking' cherry will have to do."

Katie snorts and elbows her in the side, "God you're so fucking retarded sometimes." But then she's not stiff anymore, she just curls up on her side and sighs into the pillow.

And even though she's never like _spooned_ before—always thought it was a bit ridiculous, being in someone's space that much--Naomi follows Katie when she rolls over and wraps an arm around her waist. She buries her face in the back of Katie's neck and after pressing a small kiss there she chuckles and says, "God, as if I _could_ leave you, you twat."

Katie doesn't answer but the way she grips Naomi's hand and presses it hard to her chest—right where her heart beats-- feels like an answer anyways.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: You can all feel free to hate me for not updating but I kinda sorta hope you won't lol. I've had pretty horrible writer's block as you can probably tell…hopefully I've pulled myself out of it**

**A Dustland Fairytale: Chapter 16**

_It should get easier,_ Katie thinks, _being with her. It should be less surprising_. And really it should because this _much_ can't be healthy. Not the way her heart thuds or sometimes her stomach feels like its dropping when Naomi does stupid little things. Like during class, Naomi will just smirk at her and wink and for some reason it just _gets_ Katie and she's never felt these sort of things with her boyfriends. Not even the well lush ones and that makes it amazingly retarded because Naomi isn't even someone she _likes_ all the time. No, half the time Naomi makes her want to pull her hair out and shout at her until her lungs just quit working.

It's the other half of the time that's going to get her in trouble. Because sometimes when Naomi isn't being fiercely irritating, she's quite…well…quite fucking lovely actually.

Katie walks past the doorway and means to keep on going but she glances into the family room and sees Emily sitting on the corner of the sofa, watching telly and looking supremely bored and maybe a bit sad. She pauses and leans a shoulder against the doorframe.

"Anything good," she asks, trying to keep the tone light.

Emily looks over at her quickly like she's surprised to see her there, "Thought you'd be out with Naomi or something."

Something clenches inside Katie's stomach at the whiny and grudging tone to Emily's voice. _She can't know_, Katie thinks and it's such a stupid fear anyways because Naomi and her are constantly careful in public. So really she can't know but the way Katie's heart thuds at the mere suggestion of Emily even suspecting makes her throat turn dry and she swallows twice in succession.

"We're not like fucking joined at the hip," Katie says and walks further in the room and she's trying not to sound like _too_ defensive because Emily has always been able to pick up on Katie's guilt.

Emily shrugs and turns back to the telly as if she couldn't really care less. Katie walks over to the sofa and sits down next to her, kicking off her heels and folding her legs underneath her like she used to do when she was little. Emily turns and smiles at her and sits a little less stiffly, just takes up more space on the sofa really so that they're sitting _together_ and not apart.

"So what are we watching," Katie asks peering at the screen.

"Absolute fucking rubbish," Emily answers and turns to Katie with a little smirk.

"Right good to know I'm spending my Thursday afternoon well."

They sit in companionable silence and Katie watches the T.V. blankly, not really following the story of some stupid action film Emily has it on. Just explosions and gunshots really. After a few minutes Emily shifts next to her and now their legs are touching.

"I miss her a lot," Emily says quietly, "and like…sometimes it feels like you've replaced me." Emily lets out a short laugh that sounds incredibly bitter and on the verge of tears, "You two used to _hate_ each other."

Katie wants to protest because she doesn't think now…doesn't think that she ever really properly _hated_ Naomi…Naomi as a person. Now Naomi who was taking Emily away from her? That was who she hated. She hated being the one that was being replaced and now she was doing the same fucking thing to Emily. Only it was worse and it was shameful and sometimes it made it fucking impossible to even fall asleep at night.

Katie feels words rising up in her throat, words that just can't come out so she settles for resting her head on Emily's shoulder. She feels Emily's skin beneath the silk of her top and it's incredibly warm.

"I mean, I just don't get it because you used to fucking hate her guts Katie. And now that I'm done with her it's like…she's your best mate?"

"Katie shum," Katie breathes out without really thinking but it feels like the right thing to say, "but…thing's change."

Emily leans her head to the side a bit and her cheek rests against Katie's hair and Katie knows that the matter is closed. Emily may not understand it and she may not like it but if it means Katie being happy, she'll go along with it. That's just how fucking lovely she is.

Katie bites her lip and blinks several times to get rid of tears before they spill

An hour later, Katie has shifted down the sofa and her feet are now resting next to Emily's legs. Emily has her head down on her arm and is snoring softly. Katie's almost dozed off but then Mum walks by and her eyes just _light_ up at seeing the two of them like that.

"Can you come do the dishes, Katiekins? I have to go pick up James from practice."

Katie rolls her eyes at the idea of that little shit running around in cleats, scoring goals and being a general twat still she supposes he'll make a great footballer one day if any of Danny's lot were an indication. But still she stands up slowly and stretches out.

Katie follows her mum into the kitchen and smiles a bit when she steps on the kitchen floor in her socks. Mum's just cleaned it and it's a bit slick and Katie remembers when Emily and her used to run through the hallway and onto the floor to slide.

Katie's mum leans back on the counter and watches Katie as she goes over to the sink and Katie turns around, wondering why she's being scrutinized.

"Alright Mum? Thought you had to pick up James?"

"I do, I just…wanted to ask you something actually."

Katie picks up a mug and wipes the rag around the rim with practiced ease, even as she struggles to breathe properly.

She hears her mum take a slow breath and continue, "Is…Emily still seeing _that_ girl? It's been so long that she's really been out, that I've been wondering…"

Katie almost drops the mug right on the fucking floor and she spins around, "She hasn't told you?"

"Told me what?"

Katie sets down the mug carefully on the counter, "I mean, they broke up. They've been broken up for months now." She expects her mum to be mad—furious actually that Emily hadn't told her. Instead Mum's lips twist up in a smile.

"Oh," she says simply but Katie can read the joy all over her face, "Well I'm off to get James."

She grabs her bag and kisses the air next to Katie's cheek.

"Christ," Katie says when she hears the door slam and tosses her rag into the soapy water. The only reason she can think of for Emily to _not_ tell Mum is because she's still reckoning on getting back with Naomi. Because its been three fucking months since they broke up and…Katie pauses at that thought because that means its been two months that her and Naomi have been…_whatever_.

Two months is a long time for a fling, for a bit of fun but nonetheless it makes Katie smile a bit to realize Naomi's been _hers_ for two whole months and there's fuck all that feels weird about that…it just feels _right_.

Katie lays on her bed and slides wrinkly fingers over the keys of her phone, wondering just how to put this—this revelation that struck her. She doesn't want to make a big _thing_ of it. Doesn't want to put a label on it.

So in the end she texts: _We've been seeing each other two months now_.

Her palms sweat a bit as she waits on a response and she wipes her hands off on her skirt. When her phone buzzes in her left hand, Katie flips it back open.

_Uh…ok? Idk happy anniversary I guess? :P_

With a sigh Katie texts back furiously because _of course_ Naomi doesn't get it, what she's asking.

_Doesn't that seem a bit long for something that was just supposed to be a bit of fun?_

This time Naomi takes even longer to text back and Katie feels her stomach tightening, wondering if she's pushed it too far but finally Naomi responds.

_Are you having fun?_

Katie bites her lip and thinks of the way that Naomi's eyes squeeze shut when she laughs really hard and how the corners crinkle a bit

_Yeah, when you're not being a horrible cow :P_

This time the response is quick.

_Then the rest doesn't matter x_

Katie sets her phone on the nightstand and curls around her pillow. It's not the best response she could've gotten. It didn't define what they were or what the fuck they were doing or why she was risking not only her sister but her entire family probably on a fucking fling. But it'll have to do because Naomi is still Naomi and she's still an emotionally stunted retard sometimes.

They go to see a film. Naomi had suggested it, after all that texting about their relationship business and for some reason Katie just _knows_ that in some form it's a message that Naomi is sending.

Naomi insists on paying which makes Katie want to lean over and kiss the corner of her mouth as she's counting money out—blonde hair falling over her eyes- but instead Katie sticks her hands in her pockets until Naomi turns and gives her a smile.

Katie automatically heads for the back row once they're inside because that's where she's used to sitting thanks to all her twat boyfriends and Naomi follows her a bit hesitantly. They sit down in a rush and Naomi looks around.

"There's plenty of closer seats…" Naomi hazards.

Katie takes a quick look around too and they're the only people sitting this far back. "Shut up, you twat," Katie whispers and leans over.

She catches Naomi by surprise to be sure as she kisses Naomi's jaw—once, twice, and then bites down on her earlobe. Naomi reaches over and clutches the edge of Katie's sleeve and Katie can feel her shudder a bit, even though they're barely touching.

Naomi tilts her head and its awkward with the armrest in between them but Katie catches her bottom lip and tugs it forward and that's all it really takes because the next instant they're snogging heavily and its in _public_ for fucks sakes but Katie finds that bothers her a lot less than it used to. Besides the theater is dark and it feels private, like it's just her and Naomi and the world doesn't really matter—or even exist.

When Katie pulls away, Naomi stares at her in wonder until Katie simply grabs Naomi's hand with her chipping blue nail polish and slides her fingers between Naomi's and it feels right and secure.

"Benefits of sitting in the back row then," Naomi asks a bit cheekily and winks at Katie.

Katie smirks back at her and gives her hand a squeeze.

"You told her?" It's the first thing Emily shouts at her when she gets home from her date.

And Katie is so fucking happy that Emily's shouting doesn't even faze her and it was a _date_, of that she's sure. Naomi payed and drove and parked a bit up the corner so they could have a nice car snog before dropping Katie off. And it's like they're a proper couple just because of one night. Not just creeping around Naomi's room and casting glances at each other at school and normally this would scare the fuck out of Katie but she finds that she's settling into the notion rather quickly.

But Emily is still standing there with her hands on her hips and looking so fucking betrayed that Katie sighs before tossing her bag onto her bed, "Yeah, didn't know it was like a national secret that you broke up with Naomi _three_ months ago, Ems."

"For fucks sake, Katie!" Emily says exasperatedly, "if I'd wanted Mum to know don't you think I would've told her? Mum just told me she was glad it was all a faze and that I'm back to my old self. You had no right…"

"Why didn't you," Katie interrupts, "You could've told her when it happened but why didn't you?"

Emily sighs and sits on the edge of her bed and Katie crosses her arms and waits.

When Emily finally raises her head she looks so _tired_ that almost all the fight goes out of Katie

"Because you proved her right, okay? Naomi and I didn't work out and we're done with and you and Mum rooted for that from day one and…well it fucking happened. We're finished."

With that Emily stands up and walks out their door, shutting it rather firmly behind her. Katie hates that there's two sides to her in this. There is a side that's happy to hear Emily say that her and Naomi are finished and to actually sound _done_ about it. But her other side wants to go hug Emily and that side thinks the other one is a nasty fucking sister for doing what she's doing.

When Katie lies down that night and listens to Emily crying on the other side of the room, she hates the fact that she can't just be _happy_ with Naomi because there's always going to be this—this heartbreak for Emily and its going to be Katie that's the cause of it.

Naomi opens the door quickly like she always does, in a rush, like she just can't fucking wait to see Katie and Katie can't help but find it stupidly adorable like she finds a lot of Naomi's little oddities.

"Hey babes," she says with a smirk as Naomi not so subtly checks out her outfit.

"You look…" Naomi starts but then trails off until the right side of her lips twitch up into a smirk and Katie smiles to herself because obviously this top is a success.

After a rather filthy kiss at the door, Katie leans against the counter as Naomi fixes them a cup of tea.

"Alright," Naomi asks as she puts the pot on to boil.

Katie shakes her head minutely but says, "Yeah, course."

Naomi leans over and gets the honey out and touches her finger to a bit of it and then sticks it in her mouth and sucks it off, "Hmm…that's nice but care to tell the truth now?"

Katie snorts softly and smiles "Think you know me now, huh?"

Naomi looks at her with far too much seriousness for the conversation, "I think I'm getting there."

Katie swallows hard because it's true. Naomi's been here through a lot. That whole Effy business had been nasty and Naomi had been the only one to notice, to reach down and give her a hand up…to be her friend and now something more.

As Naomi is getting out a bit of cake, Katie walks over and pours the tea and it feels nice, this domesticity.

"My dad asked me to come work with him at the gym," Katie says without turning around and she hears Naomi make a humming noise back in her throat.

"Well that's good right hun? I mean, bit of pocket money and all that. Help pay for all these fucking clothes you keep buying."

Katie rolls her eyes, "As much as you complain, you can't argue that you like the way I dress."

Naomi turns and grins at her mischievously and kisses Katie on the lips quickly, "I like what's _under_ the clothes a lot too, that's the distinct difference."

Katie smirks back, "Obviously you're a hopeless perve."

"You love it," Naomi says back jokingly but then she sobers as she hands Katie her plate with cake on it, "but seriously, why are you upset about your dad asking you that?"

They head to the table together and Katie pulls her chair a bit closer to Naomi so that their arms are touching occasionally and Naomi casually stretches out one of her long legs so that her foot is brushing up against Katie's calf.

"Because," Katie says, "he would never ask Emily. Because she's like too fucking busy being brilliant at school and trying to get in top universities yeah? But with me it's like he just assumes I'm going nowhere and the family business is where I belong."

Naomi leans her hand onto her palm and looks at Katie intently, "Maybe that's it. Or maybe he like trusts you enough to share his passion and life's work with you. Maybe he wants to spend more time with you before you go to uni. Don't jump to conclusions."

Katie rolls her eyes, "Please like I'm even going to uni."

"What? Why wouldn't you?"

Katie takes a sip of her tea even though it's too hot and burns her tongue, "Because like…I pretty much bonked off my first year of college and my grades have been shit so far this year. I'm just not cut out for school."

Naomi looks at Katie with stern eyes," That's absolute bollocks, you can still pull off decent grades if you revise and study hard."

Katie shakes her head just a bit but Naomi reaches out and touches the back of her hand, "Katie, I'll help okay? Don't sell yourself short though. You're meant for great things, just need to focus on schoolwork a bit more."

Katie almost tells Naomi she loves her and its not until she has to choke it back that she realizes its even halfway true. It scares the ever loving shit out of her.

Instead she chokes out, "Cheers." And a few minutes later she leans over and kisses Naomi's cheek just because she can.

When Katie comes back the next week it's for a study session that Naomi practically _badgered _her about. And on one hand it was extremely annoying but on the other it was quite fucking lovely because Katie had come to Naomi with a problem…and Naomi acted like it _mattered _and like helping her was something Naomi actually wanted to do.

Naomi pulls the door open quickly and a grin is already stretching across her face. Katie really can't help (although she'd like to) but smile back.

As she brushes by Naomi to walk in the house, Katie feels one of Naomi's fingers just trace down her arm gently. Its just a touch really, like Naomi gets something out of just _feeling_ Katie's skin and that light brush of Naomi's fingertip down her arm makes Katie close her eyes and breathe in deeply because its simply _not fair_ for someone to have this much power over her.

Naomi steps a bit closer and her eyes are closed halfway as she looks Katie up and down. Naomi leans in for a proper kiss but Katie ducks out her arms and walks backwards down the hallway a bit. Naomi trails after her a bit stupidly.

"Oi what was that for," she whines.

Katie smiles but shakes her finger back and forth, "I came here to revise and that's exactly what we're going to do. You kiss me and I'll get all distracted and shit and that's so not the point."

Naomi grins at her like a sixteen year old boy, "I think that's really the only point."

With a sigh Katie acquiesces and pulls Naomi in for a brief but searing kiss to the lips, "I promise," Katie whispers inches away from Naomi's lips, "give me some revising time and then I'm all yours."

Naomi sighs and tries to put on a brave face, "If I must."

"Oh, you must," Katie says with a wink.

Naomi pulls away a bit and grabs Katie's hand, pulling her upstairs and Katie follows eagerly. She may play all coy and shit but really, sometimes kissing Naomi is practically all she has on her mind. It's a bit fucking ridiculous but so is life in general so just…whatever.

Naomi flops down on the bed next to Katie, causing her notebooks to jostle about, resulting in Katie smacking her on the shoulder and calling her an, "uncoordinated cow."

"Can we please stop revising," Naomi sighs out, placing her fingers over her eyes, laced over one another and Katie's eyes are drawn to them. They're long and slender and Katie feels her cheeks blush before she looks away because for fucks sake this dry spell she's gone through has clearly addled her brain.

When she returns her eyes, Naomi is smirking at her. "You're horny," she states simply and Katie almost chokes on like…_air_ because who says things like that?

"What? Fuck off with that, we're revising." She points down at her notebook, almost like she needs some sort of proof.

"Well I'm bored. It's been like two hours and sex has been known to entertain me from time to time," Naomi winks at Katie who just rolls her eyes in return.

"Not everything is fucking about you, you know? Some of us actually need to like fucking study to pass our A-levels. Not everyone can be an up ourselves clever cunt like you."

Naomi straightens until she's resting her head propped up on her hand, "Katie, you're clever. You just hide it but really you're one of the cleverest fucking people I know."

Katie feels oddly touched because she knows she's fit, fucking hot actually. And she dresses nice and does her nails and hair and all that shit but no one has ever thought she was…_clever_. That was always Emily.

And that's the thing about Naomi; she makes her feel _adequate_ or better than that even. Like she's good _enough_.

Right then and there Katie makes up her mind. She reaches over and brushes a strand of blonde hair out of Naomi's face. Naomi blinks and looks over at her with a smile on her face.

Katie pushes the books away and shifts closer; pushing herself up against Naomi and Naomi rolls over on her side and wraps a long arm around Katie's waist. Katie feels shivers down her back and Naomi breathes onto the back of her neck and then kisses it once, softly.

They lay like that for what feels like forever. If Katie cried in front of people she might've cried but she doesn't. And they form one person out of what used to be two.

Katie rolls over and slides her finger down the length of Naomi's pale arm until Naomi hums and looks over at her.

"This is so fucking retarded," Katie mumbles but her words and actions don't match up _at all_ as she rolls over, straddling Naomi. Naomi's blue eyes widen a fraction before her hands find Katie's hips. Her long fingers slide up under Katie's shirt a little and Katie sighs a bit at how fucking helpless she is in the face of this…_thing_ between them.

Katie leans down in a rush and they're kissing so fiercely and Katie thinks that something this beautiful and precious can't last for long, especially when it has this much capacity to fucking _destroy_ her.

Naomi groans deep in her throat as Katie unthinkingly rocks her hips a bit and everything Katie was feeling is multiplied by like a _thousand_ as Naomi looks up at her with such pure want reflecting in her eyes.

_Now_, Katie thinks and reaches down to tug on Naomi's top. Naomi unhelpfully lies there, not moving and just looking confused.

"Off," Katie says quickly and that one word makes her feel so emotionally bare that its hard not to cringe but she _wants,_ she fucking wants so much.

Naomi sits up quickly now that she's got what's going on and as her hands grip the bottom of her shirt she bites her lip, "Are you sure?"

Katie rolls her eyes, "Just stop being a fucking twat and take the shirt off." _Please dear God, don't ask me again because I'm not sure I could handle it,_ Katie thinks.

And Naomi's _clever_ so she gets with the program and with a wink, tugs the top off in one swift movement. Then Naomi just stares at her and when their eyes meet Katie is scared to death. This isn't a one off; this isn't some random guy she's fucking. It's _Naomi_ and somehow that has come to mean so much to her in these past months. So much more than she ever thought possible.

Naomi smiles softly and looks so fucking lovely in that instant that Katie wants to blabber about feelings and thoughts and hopes and the future but she knows that's not how this started out and maybe that's not how Naomi wants things to go. The words lock up in her throat and somehow make her mouth dry and it doesn't help that Naomi is just sitting there, lightly stroking up and down her arms, not demanding anything at all.

_Jesus Christ, I'm so fucked_, Katie thinks right before she pushes Naomi down to the mattress. Katie is a bit too forceful and she hears Naomi gasp at the speed their bodies connect but then they're kissing. And Katie is slanting her mouth over Naomi's hot lips again and again and she's frantic—wanting so much and afraid of it all at the same time. She's so frantic that Naomi pulls back and looks into her eyes.

"We have all the time in the world," she says simply and Katie's eyes well up because maybe they don't because the lies and the sneaking around could very well catch up with them tomorrow and everything could come tumbling down.

Naomi kisses her softly on the tip of her nose and it's such an _absurdly sweet _thing to do that Kate rolls her eyes because despite the impossibility of just everything…Naomi seems to be able to make it all seem so easy.

_We've got now_, Katie thinks. _For now she's mine_.

When she leans down this time its slow and soft, so soft she feels like she could be sinking into the mattress and Naomi lets out a low groan deep in her throat when Katie's thigh shifts in between her legs.

They snog for so long and Katie almost forgets that there's more than this, that she should be doing anything else because Naomi is such a good fucking kisser. She might forget but she can't. Not when Naomi is twining a leg through hers and Naomi's skirt is slipping up her legs a bit and Katie can see her pale thigh.

She breaks away and sits back on her heels, long enough to unfasten the skirt and pull it down slowly and Naomi watches her the entire time, meeting Katie's eyes and making her face feel hot as they bore into her. And somewhere along the way, the fact that Naomi is a girl has become…well not _part_ of the problem. It still does Katie's head in a bit that she's with a _girl_ but as her eyes skim Naomi's tight stomach and all that soft skin and long legs, Katie can't seem to remember why she never knew Naomi was this fucking _beautiful_ before…why she never noticed it.

Katie tosses the skirt off the bed and goes back to Naomi but Naomi grips her arms and rolls her over. Katie lets her hands roam all over Naomi's naked back and her skin is so soft that she can't seem to get enough of it, running over it with broad stokes of her fingers, dragging her nails softly.

Naomi leans over and bites down a bit sharply on her earlobe, "You're driving me fucking insane," she whispers and Katie feels her stomach-drop in an entirely fucking _good way_—at how low Naomi's voice came out.

Naomi touches the buttons on her top, almost reverently and then looks up at Katie and honestly its all Katie can do not to just rip the fucking thing off but it was expensive and Naomi is being thoughtful and all that so she just nods and one by one excruciating button, Naomi undoes her top.

She tugs on Katie until Katie is sitting up and then Naomi lays her palms on the opening she's created and watches Katie's eyes the entire time she moves her hands apart, slowly sliding Katie's top from her shoulders, tracing her collarbone and that freckle on her left shoulder while she's doing it.

Then Naomi is slowly palming Katie's tit through her black bra and she's watching her hand with almost deadly intent and something about that look and the lip bite that's accompanying it is just—_yeah_ and Katie moans a bit when Naomi tweaks her nipple through her bra.

Its not long before Katie tangles her hands in Naomi's soft blonde hair and pulls her back to her mouth and they're snogging again and its horribly filthy with the way that Naomi is breathing raggedly, taking sharp little breaths that Katie feels puffed against her lips as they part for a few seconds. And Naomi is sliding her thigh between Katie's and she's started this rocking motion that just—maddening is the best word that Katie can think of to describe it.

"I want you," Naomi says simply in her ear and if Katie hadn't known it before, she certainly knows there's no turning back now—even if she wanted to which she certainly doesn't.

She grips Naomi's hand and slides it to the zip on her skirt and she feels Naomi's fingers grip it and slide it down and Naomi watches her the entire time, focused on her eyes and Naomi's own eyes are so bright and they're almost shining and Katie thinks that she could easily get lost in them.

She barely notices as Naomi moves away to slide the skirt down and barely notices when she tosses it off the bed because in that moment there's only her and Naomi. Naomi and her. There's them and this bed and Naomi's eyes and her fingers and her lips in a serious line

Katie holds her breath as Naomi methodically takes off her own bra and knickers and then reaches and pulls off Katie's too. She lifts her hips at the right time and sits up but she's still almost mesmerized by Naomi and what it means to be here with her…like this and to not be scared for once in her life.

Naomi slowly lowers herself onto Katie and Katie feels her eyes squeeze shut at the contact but when she opens them, Naomi is smiling down at her and is brushing a strand of hair away from her forehead.

"You're fucking stunning, you know that," Naomi whispers almost reverently and Katie tilts up on her elbows to kiss the corner of Naomi's mouth, her cheek, her forehead, and then eventually her lips.

And then Naomi's hand is _right there_ and Katie gasps in sharply at the first touch and then moans as Naomi runs her finger up and down slowly. And it's a surprise actually that Naomi is just so _good_—fucking _fantastic_—at making her feel this way. But by the time that Naomi has kissed her way down, placing hot, open mouthed kisses to her stomach, her hip, her thighs and then finally sliding her tongue in broad strokes over Katie's clit…by that time Katie isn't surprised at all. Instead she's gasping and tangling her fingers in blonde hair and moaning as Naomi slides two long slender fingers inside her.

When Katie comes she's got her fingers so tightly wrapped in Naomi's hair, she's probably pulling some out but Naomi doesn't stop until Katie's completely done and has collapsed back down onto the bed in a _whoosh_. And her eyes are burning a bit which is unexpected because Katie has never like _almost cried_ at sex before.

Naomi comes back up the way she went down, with kisses to Katie's stomach, breasts and neck until she finally meets her lips for a soft kiss that seems to stretch on for ages and Katie can _taste_ herself on Naomi's tongue but it's not nearly as fucking awkward or terrible as she thought it might be.

When Naomi pulls back she's got a _huge_ grin on her face and Katie affectionately thinks, _twat hasn't even got hers yet_.

"Alright then," Naomi says but she's still got that stupid smile on her face so obviously she knows the fucking answer.

Katie rolls her eyes, "No it was fucking terrible, I never want you to do it again." But even she can't hold in her smile.

Naomi laughs and kisses her again and as she does, Katie's knee slides up between her legs, almost accidentally but when Katie feels how _wet_ Naomi is…it all becomes a lot less of a joke.

As Katie freezes, Naomi mistakes it for…something else entirely because she bends away again and says, "You don't…I mean, I want you to but you don't really have to…"

Katie jerks up and kisses Naomi a bit fiercely even if it's brief, "I want to, you idiot…it's just…you'll have to like…help me yeah? I want…" and Katie feels her cheeks flame, "I want to make you feel…"

Naomi interrupts her softly, "You already do, okay? Without even doing _that_ you make me feel…you know." Naomi trails off and shrugs gently like she can't even come up with words and the whole thing makes Katie feel like she might burst on the inside.

So when Katie flips Naomi over and kisses her, she tries to focus on the fact that this is _Naomi_—Naomi who is constantly lovely and patient and that she shouldn't be really nervous. She palms Naomi's tit a bit hesitantly and slides her thumb over her nipple and Naomi lets out a breathy sigh and spreads her hand out over Katie's back. Katie leans and sucks lightly on Naomi's neck

When Katie actually _touches_ Naomi it's a bit of a shock because it's almost like touching herself but Naomi gasps out and her fingernails dig into Katie's shoulder blades and so its actually completely fucking different. Because this is something she's doing _to_ Naomi, she's making her sigh out as she slides her fingers around Naomi's clit in a circle. She leans down and places her lips once, twice to the spot beneath Naomi's jaw and she can feel Naomi's pulse thundering beneath her lips.

Katie then feels Naomi swallow and tighten her hold on Katie's back, "Katie…._inside_." Naomi's words come out incredibly breathy and strangled and Katie feels her stomach clench and so she presses one, just one finger slowly inside Naomi and when she feels Naomi _clench_ around her, Katie has to swallow hard and remind herself to keep breathing. Instead she's gasping right along with Naomi, like she's the one that's about to…

Naomi reaches down and grasps Katie's wrist and they feel so fucking _connected_ that Katie's eyes well up with tears again but instead of crying she just pushes another finger inside Naomi and her arm is starting to burn but she just thrusts harder and deeper because this is probably the best fucking thing that's ever happened to her.

Naomi is squirming underneath her and sucking in short, sharp gasps of air, only to sigh them out in big rushes. "Your thumb, Katie," Naomi breathes out and Katie has to shake herself out of some sort of daze because _of course._

She presses her thumb to Naomi's clit and moves it in sharp circles only for a few brief moments before Naomi just like _freezes _beneath her and pulls in a long shuddering breath and she digs her nails sharply and quite painfully into Katie's back for a second.

"Jesus," Katie sighs out as Naomi slowly and by degrees starts to relax and Katie finally pulls her fingers away. Naomi's eyes are shut tightly still but then they flutter open and she _smiles_ at Katie and it's so incredibly beautiful and fragile and it feels like this moment was just _made_ for them. Katie leans in and kisses Naomi softly on the lips and she feels Naomi smile into the kiss.

As Katie lays her head on Naomi's shoulder and wraps an arm around her slender waist she can't help but think _this_,_ this is where I belong_. Naomi kisses the top of her head and wraps an arm around her as well and Katie has never felt more connected or more wanted and needed by one person before.


	17. Chapter 17

A Dustland Fairytale: Chapter 17

Emily didn't mean for it to happen…it just _did_. Being with Naomi was like climbing a rope that wasn't attached to anything. The more she got into her hands, the more came loose at the other end and she knew she was rapidly approaching the point when there would be nothing left to grab onto anymore.

After the love ball they had a blissful summer. One filled with drinking in the garden and snogging lazily on the couch with the armrest pressing uncomfortably into the back of her neck. Full of spliffs and sex in the shower and sleeping until three in the afternoon when Naomi's mum finally came banging on the door because she "feared they were dead". It was almost like Emily had imagined it could be when she had pinned all her hopes on Naomi back when they were practically children. She felt alone and secure and together all at the same time which was the point really. To not be an extension of Katie, to posses something more real and more tangible than anything else. Something she had strove for and longed for and damn if she wasn't going to prove everyone right.

But then it…wasn't right. Naomi was free and she laughed and they had sex and she told Emily she loved her and Emily didn't doubt it for a second because Emily really did love her. But was she _in_ love with her? Of course Emily was in love with Naomi. They were Emily and Naomi for fuck's sake and that's how it had always been in Emily's mind. Cemented. Certain. Chaotic at the beginning but merely a means to an end. But now that they were there now that they had reached the end and had a chance to be happy. Emily sometimes felt she was drowning. Sometimes Naomi was snappy and sarcastic and sometimes she turned the music on and didn't want to talk with Emily at all or cuddle. And Emily _dealt_ with it and made plans for their future in her head like she had been doing since she was about 13. She decided they would travel before uni and then they would go to the same uni and have a cute but dilapidated apartment where they'd make love every night and smoke on the balcony watching the stars. They'd have plants and maybe a cat and thick woolen blankets for the sofa where Emily would lounge and read large, thick books and Naomi would sometimes come over to kiss her forehead and hand her a cup of tea.

It wasn't really Emily's fault (or Effy's fault either) when Effy came gliding along the halls one day and casually asked how her and Naomi were doing. And Emily started explaining a little less poetically the life she had planned out for them and Effy looked at her and through her and asked how they were doing _right then_, not 2 years from now. And Emily had no fucking clue. Her whole life had been a map until this point in time when Naomi would be hers and all hers. Now that it was here and they were properly in love she was writing more futures for them. Some in which they had a cat and some in which they had a fish which they called Wanda after Emily's fifth favorite film.

She had almost had a panic attack at that thought. A proper one with wheezing and brown paper bags and possibly a fainting couch involved but Effy had placed a cold hand on her upper arm and squeezed tightly almost so it hurt and she said, "It will be ok. Breathe. Try to let go."

So Emily had tried to take that advice but once the thought was in her mind that she wasn't really properly living in the one time of her life she'd fought tooth and nail for, it was like a sore tooth in the back of her mouth that she unconsciously worried with her tongue even though she knew it was going to make it hurt worse. Things got a bit hazy at that point almost like she was seeing through a fog and Naomi was still just lovely and understanding and holding her hand and for the first time it made Emily be the one to panic. Because she just knew she was going to spend a life of planning for the next thing for the time when things would be better and she didn't even know if she knew how to stop.

Effy gave her pills and spliff and vodka and she didn't think for a while. Sometimes in segments of thirty minutes and sometimes for hours at a time she didn't think. And she loved it. She loved being. She loved not feeling. She loved not planning everything and just following in Effy's wake where she was able to float with no consequences. She tried to wrap her mind around it sometimes that this was how Effy lived with nothing to worry about and not bothering about what people thought and feeling miles away and above from everyone else always.

How stupid she was.

It was almost an accident. Not those kind where people say "whoops" but the kind where you can look back and realize that you've reached a point. A point that there's no turning back maybe. A point where you've hurt people who aren't even there. A point where you've turned into something different.

Emily wondered where it all went wrong. It had happened so fast and Effy had cried afterward for about a minute, then stopped, and had opened her window and sat on the ledge having a fag and watching the moon. That's when Emily realized how stupid she'd been. The fog hadn't been her separating from things and just floating along without a care. That wasn't how Effy was either. Nobody was. If they were then they were a liar too. She looked at the tear marks still drying on Effy's cheeks and the thin outline of her breast against the streetlight outside and Emily knew. Effy cared. And so did she.

xxxxx

It was harder than she'd even imagined. Ending it with Naomi. Trying to put into words all the things she'd been feeling over the past few months. As the words came out almost venomously she wished she could take them back and Naomi just _knew_. Which that had surprised the fuck out of Emily because she'd thought Naomi had been coasting along too. Not knowing. Blissfully ignorant. Painfully unworried.

Katie had been _furious_. Which was to put it lightly. It was probably one of their worst rows yet. They'd had to keep it down because there's only so many times someone can yell "You fucked her," without having to actually explain something to their mum. So they'd yelled in whispers. Hissing wrathfully and at one point Katie had picked up her pillow and just _screamed_ into it and it was a sound so broken and filled with frustration that Emily had taken two steps back from her. She'd never realized her breaking point was going to be so sharp and hurt so many people. Not when she'd just been trying to bloody cope. But it was made of razors and Katie didn't speak to her properly for almost a three weeks

During those weeks(and even the months following) Emily was invisible again. She settled into the quiet of almost not speaking to anyone during the weeks like she'd never left. She drifted around the house and cried silently in the shower and watched Katie's back sometimes as she slept. And she saw them together. They ate lunch together. They laughed. Emily wasn't even jealous even really to begin with. It was just so strange she watched it happen like an interesting experiment assuming when you mix two strong chemicals you're bound to get an explosion worth seeing.

She thought the explosion had happened once or twice even after her and Katie had made up, they fought and sometimes Katie would come home slamming the door and huffing around and her mascara would be streaked. And Emily would watch from her side of the room while Katie texted furiously or checked her phone every minute or so.

So she wasn't really sure when things changed or even if it did but suddenly instead of an explosion like she was expecting they just…mixed.

"She's in there, you know," Emily says.

She watches Naomi walk into their house to go to Katie. And the pieces start to come together like a fucked up puzzle or more like a mirror someone broke. Jagged and dangerous to touch.

xxxxxxx

Katie wakes up slowly. She also wakes up alone. And nearly naked…that too. She briefly remembers them fumbling their knickers back on before falling back into bed and passing out. That was after round two had woken them up around 4am. _Alone_ though that's the thought her running brain trips over and mulls on. The thought doesn't cross her mind that Naomi was only after a shag but she is slightly hurt and a little embaressed. Katie Fitch doesn't do embaressed well. In fact it pisses her off a little that even the _absence _of Naomi can effect her.

She's just huffing out of bed and is putting on one of Naomi's dreadful shirts-its plaid and it buttons and it has a large _front pocket_- when Naomi comes shoving into the room holding a brown paper bag and a cup holder with two steaming drinks.

"Bollocks," she says and kicks a pair of trainers out of her way. And then her eyes catch on Katie standing there in her shirt and they light up ridiculously. "Hot," she says with a smirk.

Just like that Katie's unspoken fears are silenced and she feels reaffirmed in a way she didn't even know she needed. "Fuck you," she says walking closer to take the bag from Naomi's hand and leans in to kiss her cheek at the same time.

Naomi's cheeks are a bit flushed and she has one of those stupid looking artsy type beanies covering most of her head with blonde wisps sticking out. Katie is struck for about the millionth time how retardedly good looking Naomi is sometimes.

Naomi kicks off her flats and shrugs off her jacket into the floor as Katie settles cross legged on the bed and peers into the bag.

"I didn't really know what you like but I got a few different things. It's getting fucking cold out there too."

"I didn't really know where you'd gone," Katie admits as Naomi sat down next to her and passed her a coffee. "I was ready to give you a fucking earful when you came back actually."

Naomi rolls her eyes and gives a half smile, "I have a feeling I'm in for a lot of earfuls from here on out."

Katie's heart nearly bursts at the good natured, exasperated, thoroughly _settled_ way Naomi said that. As if they are going to be together for ages and almost like they didn't have a fucking noose hanging over their relationship since day one. She grabs Naomi's coffee out of her hand and nearly tackles her back onto the bed. Naomi starts to protest but then Katie is good at shutting her up.

xxxxx

"Coffee's cold," Naomi says a long time later, out of breath.

"Whatever, it was worth it," Katie says back.

She sips her cold coffee and eats her croissant while Naomi reads the paper in bed, utterly fucking content.

xxxxxx

Katie thinks maybe, perhaps, or almost certainly Naomi has like…broken her or something. She never remembers being this _needy_ and this is a real sort of needy not like the pretend needy she was with her boyfriends. It doesn't take much of anything these days not since _that_ day to make her throat go dry and make her feel like if she doesn't have Naomi right then, right fucking _now _that she may die of some hormone overdose. In short Naomi has made her addicted to sex and probably ruined her for anyone else that may ever come after her. The crazy thing is Katie is good at sex and she's always known it but it was almost like an accomplishment, something to be doing just to be doing it and she did enjoy it, she did. But now its so much more. She needs it. Needs Naomi really.

They speak in hushed tones at night. Whispering into the soft glow of their cell phone screens. Naomi doesn't even have to whisper but she always does anyways, even though she has nothing to hide from her mum. As soon as she hears Katie's voice she matches the tone of it almost unconsciously. Katie pads softly to the bathroom and sits on the plush rug that takes up most of the floor and locks the door. She talks there in the dark sitting cross legged and for some reason she always feels small, like she's a little girl again. Just her in the dark with Naomi's voice in her ear-soft, whispery, and like a peaceful hum. Like a library. Like a church.

They talk about nothing and anything. And its almost scary how _much_ they say. Things they've never said and also things they've said many times before taking on new meaning in the dark. New meaning in the telling and who they're telling it to. Naomi admits how scared she was when her and Emily got together. And Katie is shocked how little it bothers her this mention of Emily because she knows Naomi isn't telling it to her because she is Katie's sister. She's telling her about the feeling she got with her and in that aspect Emily could have been any girl at all. In the bathroom on the floor, on the rug, Emily could have been anyone and Katie takes it all in. Pieces of Naomi. Bits of her at a time. Fears, hopes, anger, stupidity…love. Katie admits that she took Freddie because she could. Knew Effy was a bit broken, broke her more anyways because again, she could. Admits to Naomi she spat and slapped and choked and screamed in rage and that she probably deserved that rock to the head.

Naomi shushes her and tells her no one deserves that and haven't they all been pricks in their own little petty ways. Such stupid pricks. In a way the dark is almost magical because Katie feels fearless. Tells Naomi anything and everything to hear her reaction to it. To have her know all. Well almost all. Katie doesn't say the three words that have started burning a hole in her throat. The ones that want to come out the most. Because even though the dark makes her fearless. Those words. That weakness it will go beyond fear.

It will destroy her.

xxxxx

"Alright," Naomi asks a week later. They're eating lunch as always and Katie's mind has wandered off a bit.

Along with the words she doesn't say, another word repeats and repeats in her head more and more often when she's not in the bathroom in the dark. _Emily. Emily. Emily_…_Emily. _She tries to tamp it down but sometimes the guilt feels like it will eat her alive.

"I'm alright," she says, "just gets to me sometimes."

"Ah," says Naomi and stares off into the sun and its sort of lovely in a way that she knows exactly what Katie is saying without actually saying it. Lovely and a tad bit scary that she knows Katie that well now.

Naomi reaches over and runs a purple-finger nailed finger down the back of Katie's hand, traces her veins that are underneath her skin. Katie lets out a little puff of air and smiles at Naomi.

"Sorry," Naomi says and it's a very small word but Katie can look at her and know exactly what she's saying and meaning without really saying it and she hooks her finger with Naomi's.

They sit there with their two fingers looped together in the cold grass and watch as the students flood back into college like ants to a hill. The sun glinting on their backs and their breath fogging up the air in front of them.

"Want to get the fuck out of here?" Naomi asks it with that smirk twisting her lips that Katie has come to…lo…_like_ an awful lot.

xxxxx

They smoke a spliff out in the garden, slouching against the yellow side of the house. Katie leans into Naomi for warmth and they pass it back and forth. When its down to a nub and almost burning their cold fingers Naomi tosses it on the ground and presses it twice quickly with a twist of her foot onto the concrete. She turns quickly and pushes Katie against the house and they kiss sloppily, grabbing at each other's coats and scarves, fingers striving for skin with too many layers in between.

Naomi leads her through the house slowly. Stopping in between doorways to kiss slowly and languidly against the wall and Katie feels like she's melting slowly into a puddle and that Naomi will just have to scoop her up. She's turning into a puddle and a raging fire at the same time and things are hazy around the edges because of the weed and just _nice_.

They leave a trail of their clothes. Naomi's hat there on the chair in the kitchen. Katie's scarf on the stairs. Her coat outside of Naomi's bedroom door. A trail of breadcrumbs. A trail back out to the real world for when they inevitably get too caught up in their own.

Once in her room Naomi steps away from Katie and takes off her coat slowly while making eyes at Katie that would seem ridiculously clichéd any other time. Any other time Katie may have laughed at her but its _these_ eyes and _this_ time so the farthest thing from Katie's mind is to laugh. Her throat goes dry and she may choke on just feelings.

Watching her the whole time Naomi pulls her shirt over her head, mussing her hair terribly and then takes off her shoes and her trousers. One at a time and so slowly and in no rush what so fucking ever. And Katie just stands there hands slackly by her sides, watching as Naomi bares herself piece by piece. And just like that they're talking in the dark again and Katie joins in. She unbuttons her top, letting Naomi see her fingers trembling. Letting her watch as she slips off her skirt and unpeels her tights from her legs. They stand there in bras and knickers.

Naomi locks eyes with Katie and her eyes are so, so very fucking pale blue like ice that Katie can't take it anymore and she stumbles forward, tripping over her own shoes and Naomi reaches out and steadies her. And just like that they're tangled up and twisting into each other. Pressing and pulling and lips kissing over and over endlessly.

"Bed," Naomi manages to gasp out after a few minutes and they stumble back into it, not wanting to break the contact. Katie's back hit's the sheets and she automatically scrambles backwards, pushing with her heels and grabbing fistfuls of them with her fingers so Naomi can press more and more of herself into her. She unconsciously wraps her legs around Naomi's hips and pulls her down more, a trick engrained into her after all the boys but when Naomi slides snuggly and roughly between her legs Katie and Naomi both gasp at the contact.

"Fucking Christ," Katie says breathlessly and Naomi leans and bites down softly on Katie's shoulder as she slides her hand down to the front of Katie's knickers and uses her hips to press it there more firmly.

And Katie is so wet, embarrassingly wet and Naomi must be able to feel it through the silky cloth Katie doesn't even care. She twines closer and makes a small groaning noise in the back of her throat that sounds to her like it must have come from somewhere else but no it came from her and Naomi's eyes lock onto hers for a long moment.

Naomi continues the slow rocking motion of her hips, pressing her open palm to the front of Katie's knickers and Katie is grinding down. Their eyes are locked and wide open and Katie is almost shocked at how much she feels and how _good_ they are together. She tangles her hands and Naomi's hair and pulls her down sharply so they're almost nose to nose.

"Fuck me," Katie says sharply looking into blue eyes. "Please, Naomi"

Naomi breathes in quickly and exhales slowly and with quick fingers she reaches down and pulls off Katie's knickers and then pulls her up into a sitting position and deftly reaches around to unclasp her bra.

When Naomi settles back down into her previous position she slowly but surely presses two fingers deep inside of Katie and Katie arches her back unconsciously and clenches her fists in the pillow beneath her head. Naomi presses her hips in between Katie's legs again and begins sliding her fingers in and out and angling them just fucking _right_. Katie can barely breathe and she lifts her hips to each thrust and clenches each time the fingers withdraw and gasps each time they fill her up again so amazingly.

Naomi presses her forehead to Katie's breastbone and Katie can feel her hot breath as she pumps in and out. Harder and faster and so _incessantly _and persistent. And its building inside of Katie alarmingly quick and she tries to catch her breath and delay it because she wants to feel this way forever. Feel Naomi's breath on her chest and her fingers inside her as she curls them at the exact right moment. Because god this is…this is…

"Naomi," Katie says urgently and marvels she's able to manage that much. She grasps around Naomi's straining free hand which is holding her up on the bed. Naomi raises her eyes quickly to meet Katie's.

"Kiss me," Katie gasps. And Naomi surges up on command pressing her fingers that much deeper into Katie.

Katie comes undone, breathing and gasping into Naomi's mouth while she kisses her.

xxxxx

They lay in bed much later, tangled up and naked. Naomi runs her fingers lightly down Katie's arm and Katie's mind thunders in the quiet moment, thoughts racing with the wind.

_I love. I love. I love…I love._

xxxxx

"Stay with me tonight," Naomi whispers after the sun has gone down.

Katie sinks back down in the bed almost gratefully, even though its probably stupid and irresponsible and lets Naomi's arm circle her waist and tug her back into Naomi's embrace.

xxxxx

That weekend they go out with Cook to shake up the routine a bit. He orders them all shots and shots of vodka and tries to get Katie to howl like a wolf as they toss them back. She tells him to fuck himself and gives him the finger which makes him laugh and clap Naomi on the back, spilling her drink onto her skirt and despite herself Katie laughs with him as Naomi shoves at him.

They dance in the dark, all three of them with the strobe lights casting red and purple and blue shadows across Naomi's flushed face. Cook's dance is him just sort of bouncing around the two of them. One minute behind Katie and the next minute jumping between them and shouting up at the ceiling at the top of his lungs and Katie can see the veins in his neck bulging a bit and that's the only way she can tell he's screaming.

At some point J.J. and Freddie come too and with a shout they join the dancing. J.J. hooks his arm around Cooks neck and they sway back and forth. Freddie smiles and looks young in the light and a little less like the skeleton he turned into after Effy left. Its nice that Naomi isn't like…angry with Freds or jealous of him. Like she's confident that Katie is hers now and he doesn't really matter and they can just be young and silly again. Pleasantly drunk, dancing, having fun. Like college was meant to be. Naomi grins devilishly at Katie and they're all being a bit stupid and not smooth at all and just shouting around and bumping into each other and its really silly and fun and Katie wishes that all of last year had been like this. Like they were really proper friends.

The boys go to the bathroom a bit later because Cook has brought some drugs-of course he has. Naomi waves it away and so does Katie and they stand in the dark hallway near the bathrooms and kiss in the shadows. Naomi wraps her hands around the back of Katie's neck and plays with the tiny hairs there at the base as they kiss and Katie breaks out in goose pimples over her whole body. Involuntarily Katie shivers and Naomi must know because they break apart laughing a few seconds later-and they're drunk so its _funny-_ and Katie leans into Naomi's hair and feels Naomi's body shake against hers as they laugh, breath mingling all hot and wet as they keep kissing even as they laugh. Sloppily and without finesse just all hands groping and loud breaths and Cook comes over after a while hooting about a threesome.

Katie and Naomi break away from each other and travel back to the dance floor, tripping and holding each other up and they see Freds and JJ already bouncing around and Freddie's eyes are just really pupils at this point, Cook hops right in.

Katie blearily thinks, _Our lads_. And Naomi shoves her in the middle of them and hugs her from behind as the beats make everything else fade away.

xxxxx

Cook insists on walking them home and they stumble out the door. Katie is gripping Naomi's hand hard, their fingers intertwined together seamlessly, Cook leading the way.

Katie spots her first. Or really feels eyes upon her and turns and there she is blankly staring at them all like it's the most uninteresting thing in the world. Cook freezes and Katie runs into his sweaty back and recoils immediately.

"Shit," Naomi says following both of their gazes and settling right on Effy.

Some guy is pressed against her, kissing on her neck but her blue eyes are locked on them. Cook makes a strangled sound in the back of his throat and starts towards them but Naomi reaches out grabs onto his arm. He jerks his elbow back, shucking her off roughly but Naomi grabs him again and twists the back of his shirt in her hand.

"Cook, no. Leave it." She says. "Please," she adds and that seems to do it.

Cook stops and stares for a long minute and the guy never stops fucking sucking on Effy's neck and she never breaks her stare. Cook shakes his head like jerking himself awake and stalks away muttering, "Fucking, fuckers…"

Katie and Naomi follow and Katie feels the urge to look back but Naomi is pulling her forward and its then that Katie realizes that her and Naomi never let go of their hands and Effy has always just been so…fucking observant.


End file.
